Leading GREEN TEAM

13/02/2014

Fun fact:

In Year 7, I tried for House Captain at Mt Roskill. It was one of the only legit leadership positions available at intermediate. I wrote an amazing speech, thought I was relatively popular, and had people I barely knew come up to me afterwards saying they'd voted for me.

I really thought I would get it.

But I didn't get House Captain that year. And I... was... devastated. It was the end of the world. I thought: what's the point if I spend the whole important year of Y8, leaders of the school, as a nobody?

That, combined with me being put into the worst teacher in the world's class for year 8 was all too much for my 12 year old brain and heart to handle. I cried at morning tea and I wasn't the only one who was majorly upset about their Y8 class. It really sucked. My parents sympathized. My dad made a call to St Cuth's and they gave me an interview time.

If you think about it, it all turned out for the better.

*~*~*~every closed door opens a new window*~*~*~

I came to St Cuths, and I sat in quiet new-girl shyness as I watched as Anna and Liv R and others do their house captain speeches on green cue cards in 8WA. I remember the first day of St Cuths where Mrs Walls got us to do a writing exercise comparing the art of writing to gardening. I remember discussing this topic and reading my mini dissertation out to the class from my silver sparkly durasealed not-even-a-1B5. I remember telling my dad in the car when he picked me up that for once, I actually felt like I had learnt something at school. It had been so long (a whole year of wasting my time at roskill as I was left to do independent study on topics I had mastered already while the teacher neglected me) since I had felt like I had learnt something. It's true that any sane person wants to be challenged. Sure you enjoy breezing through everything in the beginning but after a while, you want to use your brain for something.

But I digress. I still remember Liv in her green tutu. I remember digging around my mum's wardrobe for green clothes for athletics day. I remember wearing a maxi skirt as a cape and being "leaf girl" while Sarah-Ann Hardacre wore stapled leaves to her shirt and she determined she was "tree woman" or something like that.

Superheroes became a theme for the years in the senior school in which I brought my ever-popular Hulk gloves. My brother's, really, but I use them more than he does (or ever will) at this point.

And I just spent about an hour researching costume sites trying to find an epic costume for this year because not only am I year 13 (hence, time to go all out for all school events) but---

wait for it...

I'M HOUSE CAPTAIN!

*FIREWORKS*

*explosions in the distance*

*sudden screaming*

*a baby wails*

*sirens approaching*

*screaming escalates*

See how everything just went full circle there?



So, onto our three things:

(before I start this actually I'm going to point out that I've found myself dangerously hovering along the edge of a cliff that overlooks a pit of negativity and shittiness -- and it's only 2nd week back -- so I'm glad this high has come right in time to swoop me from the precipice and back into the sunshine!)

1. the house captain thing

alrighty, so elaine gave faizah a call saying that faizah got service committee and she mentioned my name too but she didn't know what i got so izzy ran into the bio class (this was after school had just finished) and was like U GOT SERVICE LEADER and i was like omg wait what????? and obviously rather taken aback bcs i did not know where this had come from and didnt want to get my hopes up in case it was false information. I then went to library where i got a text from cherry saying a lot of things in caps lock and something along the lines of CONGRATS ON ELGIN HOUSE CAPTAIN!!! and i was like ?????????????? how do u know what is happening PLS EXPLIQUEZ SVP!!!! and apparently there was a meeting that our p6 teachers were supposed to tell us about (DIEGS!!!!!) at 3:20 in the staff room where they read out the committee/house leaders' roles. Hearing this rather reliable source of information that is when I started freaking out and celebrating and Cerys and Nadia were there and were freaking out with me and I think we freaked out some other students in the library but in a different "freak" to our freak....

I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS AND SO MUCH OF IB GOT LEADERSHIP ROLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I ENJOY CELEBRATING MY OWN ACCOMPLISHMENTS SO MUCH MORE IF I CAN CELEBRATE OTHERS' ACCOMPLISHMENTS AT THE SAME TIME LET US ALL SUCCEED TOGETHER!!!!!!

2. WIT

I had my meeting with Ms Moy after school (before cherry's text and after elaine's call where i was confused) and we had our discussion and she had very little to correct from my WIT essay and it was all just grammatical things involving preopositions and I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE I CAN BASICALLY FORGET ABOUT WIT FROM NOW ON OMG YES 20% OF ENG GRADE DONE AND DUSTED!!!! 

Also we discussed my surgery lol finally she acknowledges it. Speaking of which I ran into ms ballenden coming down the stairs and I waved and she waved and went really " :O :D " on me and was liek "IS THAT VICKY OH I THOUGHT IT WAS U " and i was like YAH but like i said hi to her yesterday so she obviosuly didnt recognize me there hahahaha and we had a chat about our holidays and my surgery as well. Raaya this segment was for u xoxo

3. Creepy Texts

I'm sure izzy wont mind me blogging about this since i have a very limited audience, but we were discussing her relationship w boyf at lunch and so we thought we'd try to creep him out and so she gave me his number and i've been sending texts a la the "u have now subscribed to cat facts" meme (if u havent seen it, GO AND CHECK IT OUT HERE: http://weknowmemes.com/2012/01/thank-you-for-signing-up-for-cat-facts/ )

But instead it's like "you have now subscribed to Daily Bigio updates" and then a sneaky-stalker-shot of Izzy from far away as she feigns doing work/being unaware of my camera. It is FAB i tell u. 

I have choir tmrw and it's nearly 1am and i'm going to DIE

dependence is an ugly word

I don't think even I understand how much I rely on my friends. Not for them to really do anything, but for their company. I've discovered this year that my mood really relies so heavily on whether or not I feel appreciated by my friends, and the truth is, I'm feeling really really lonely and unappreciated. I feel like no one is really making an effort to spend time with me although I am doing all that I can to find my friends to spend time with them. Even in the times I do find them at lunch, they end up leaving to do other better things instead. Wow this makes me all sound so pathetic and needy but it's come to a point where I've realised that I really really really need my friends, and they just don't need me the same way. Today I was in such a good mood after morning tea because I finally got to sit down with the majority of my 'friend group' and spend time with them. Don't get me wrong, I hate these 'friend clique' things as much as the next person. But this group is a group I feel completely at ease with - people who I can be as weird as I want without really minding what they think because I know they will still always stick by me. It's not the same if I sit with other groups (who are still my friends, except I don't really have the same comfortable relationship with every person in those large groups so I always end up feeling really insecure and unwanted). Anyway, by the time lunch rolled around, I was kind of in the comfort of my friends, but only two of them, and like I said, I thrive from being in my big(ger) group of friends, when we're all together. Except that never really happens anymore. And everyone else decided to do other things instead of, you know, hanging out. This wasn't too bad until next period where I'm told by a friend that "your snark is really annoying" which seemed a bit uncalled for tbh, especially when I had noticed that friend side eyeing me multiple times throughout that day. Then I get academically shut down in what is supposed to be my best subject, and by p6 I was so, so so over everything.

I don't want to be cliche to say that no one understands, but the truth is, no one really has the same issue as me. No one gets why I can't just sit at lunch with other random groups, or sit by myself. No one has this kind of dependency on their friends. Is this some kind of social anxiety bullshit?! I have never really gone through this before. Even when I was trying to make friends in year 8, that was different. That was me not having friends, looking for friends. Now, it's me having friends, with my friends nowhere to be seen, and having their own lives without me.

In order to make room for my massive IB textbooks I got today, I had to clear out my whole huge magazine collection of 'girlfriend's and 'dolly's an 'creme's etc from my bookshelf.

If that isn't symbolism I don't know what is.






goodbye mindless shallow teenage 'zines, hello workload.
goodbye mindless shallow teenage me, hello workdriven-academically-psychopathic-zombie-trisci me.

Mornings

I don't know about you guys, but I really don't do well with mornings. Like, mornings and I just don't mix. If mornings were peanut butter, I'd be.... wait, no that analogy doesn't work -- everything goes well with peanut butter.

But yeah, look, I'm sure I could be a super organized person if it weren't for my innate ability to sleep through alarm clocks and wake up twenty minutes before I'm supposed to be somewhere.

I say "innate" because, damn, this shit runs in the family.

Now that we've got that little prelude out of the way, I'll tell you how today's "la rentree" was.

I tried my hardest guys. I really did. I went to bed at twelve (shh that's early) and couldn't fall asleep because my body clock was all fucked up from the holiday sleeping schedule, and then I'm pretty sure I also had a dream where I couldn't fall asleep but I'm not even sure if I'm confusing my dreams with reality or not. I must've slept through my seven a.m alarms, because I was eventually woken up at 8:16am by the home phone ringing. And everyone in my house was asleep. So, yeah, definitely a hereditary trait.

So, my parents and I scrambled to get ready, and luckily I had gotten everything (food, clothes, bag, etc) sorted the night before. Go figure, there was traffic and my mum ended up completely running a red light (I could hear police sirens in the back of my mind) and I got to school at 8:40 ughhhhhhh

At least I didn't have to walk in to the packed hall full of teachers ad Y9/Y12s by myself because Mei was late as well and we shamefully strode past the back row of teachers together hahaha

I'm in Ms Diegal's class (oh my god thank the lord I have a nice tutor teacher) and the other Y12s in my class are Ella W(almsley), Lily, and Emmy who wasn't here today. And omg the Y9s we have are so adorbs, one of them is French and I'm basically going to practice my french speaking skills with her through the year wooh

Yeah and then we bummed around in the class for a while and took two tours even though 2/3 of the Y9s were old girls already and had athletics prelims which wasn't particularly interesting to talk about.

OH MY GOD THEY RENOVATED THE TUCK SHOP A BIT AND THERE IS A 60"(?) FLAT SCREEN TV IN THERE AS WELL AS ANOTHER SMALLER TV AND THEY CHANGED ALL THE SHELVING AND SHIT AND THERE ARE OTHER TVS DOTTED AROUND THE SCHOOL LIKE IN THE 2ND LEVEL OF ATRIUM JUST BEFORE THE STAIRS TO THE LIBRARY THERE'S ANOTHER TV????? LIKE OMG SCHOOL, PRIORITISE PLS -- PUT MORE MONEY INTO THE EDUCATIONAL SIDE OF THINGS.

we also have a barista working to make overpriced coffee/hot choc in the atrium holla


samai got me a shark necklace from the maldives THANKS SAMAI

sorry for neglecting you

Jeez I feel like the only times I update this blog is when I'm feeling really angsty or some shit and then blurt out stupid emotional stuff.

.... which I later delete because I realise how stupid I am.

So I realised a more productive way to release pent up frustrations and anger is through a rage journal (like, a real paper journal) where I can actually use names and then burn it/destroy it later on HOW POETIC

I went to do the Motuihe volunteer work today and it was pretty good. I've decided that these things are quite nice because I always get to socialise with people I don't usually talk to, like at waiheke and at whitford. Mainly we just potted seedlings and i somehow avoided doing work that involved going out in the wind and rain woohoo

this is a really uneventful post omg sorry

batman was amazing
i started crying at joseph gordon levitt's bit at the end and then i just kept on sobbing and when the credits started to roll i could not stop and was just in hysterics crying curled up in foetal position and meilin was sitting next to me and she was crying so hard too and we were both just weeping and i actually couldn't get myself to stop and gain composure and this went on for a couple of minutes.

sat classes start tomorrow and my book hasnt arrived in the mail and im really pissed about it argh

hmmm um on the last day of school last term i went to flight of the conchords with steph, mei, and cherry. it was hilarious, of course. I'm one of those really annoying people who laugh super loud at everything and basically piss all over themselves...

uhhhh watched brave with sueyeon on the first monday of the holidays. was a really good movie! wanted to hug my mum afterwards hahaha. sueyeon then went to tonga for missionary work on wednesday which i'm so jealous of because I would LOVE to do volunteer work overseas (not missionary work though since I'm not christian and that would be weird...)

went shopping with lizzi on wednesday and went to all these different stores and felt average feels about all the dresses... and then went to valleygirl and got like 8 potential dresses HOLLA

i am the worst person to go shopping with, honestly. I take so long to get changed into them, and then decide if they're really worth it, and most of the time I just don't buy any of the 10 pieces of clothing I have in the changing room. YOLO

Thursday was my birthday, of course.

On friday I watched amazing spiderman AND ARGH ANDREW GARFIELD IS THE ULTIMATE LIFE RUINER SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYYYY i am so obsessed with him. mentioning his name to me will reduce me to fangirl tears. no joke. he is so perfect. it hurts me. i love him so much omg

went to the pediatrist on tuesday and he suggested for me to go get better sports shoes. end up in dressmart with mum and bought the shoes, two jumpers and a bag.... oops. I can't remember if the shoes were over $200 or if everything altogether was over $200 but uh yeah.

also I saw yujie there HI YUJIE

then went to go watch snow white and the huntsman with meilin and ran into emmy lmao. sigh speaking of swath, i have so many opinions over kristen stewart cheating on robert pattinson for the director of swath, mainly bcz tbh i dont think it's quite fair how everyone's just calling her a slut like wow guys how is that helping the equality between the sexes when you are just namecalling her with these derogatory, misogynistic insults and you don't really blame any shit on rupert sanders WHO HAS TWO KIDS AND A WIFE and honestly should know better...? like, yeah, kristen is to blame but it takes two to tango yknw. at least give rupert some shit too...

uhhh went to watch ted on friday of 2nd week. that shit is cray cray. 50 SHADES OF CRAY (sorry i just love that saying so much)

then i did nothing on the last week of holidays because i was supposed to do holiday homework but i really really didn't....

i really don't know why I'm blogging when I have so much to do. this weekend i was supposed to:

• study maths for graphs internal on WEDNESDAY
• finish one art final painting by tomorrow
• do my motherfucking p.e 1.4 unit WHICH IS A WHORE
• practice for talent quest
• practice for choir (nationals in wellington is in 15 days omfg!!!!!!)
• start to learn speech and drama pieces 

NOPE DONE NOTHING NONE AT ALL WOW I SUCK

art is getting so intense. we're beginning to do boards now. i really wish i didn't lose my photograms because now I have awkward spaces in my board :(

also why do I suck at time management WHYYYYYYY

also this is the song i thought i might do for talent quest however I'm pretty sure my singing teacher disapproves so now idk what song to do

also when i watched batman i spent the first 10 minutes of it sitting on the ground because I was scared there would be a shooting (and we were at the front right near the fire exit)

also did you know that 3 guys who died in the colorado massacre were protecting their girlfriends from gunfire and they literally took a bullet for them. that makes me want to cry srsly

also ball photos make me want to kms

also not looking forward to ball next year because I have no possibilities for a date, no money, no good body for a ball dress, no boobs, and probably braces....

also i'm going to fail mocks

also physics is the bane of my existance

also which subject trip/exchange should i take

also

butts

sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyy

ok well I just want to APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY for any shitty try-hard wow-i-am-so-deep posts i've ever made in the past and apologize in advance for the inevitable moody posts i make in the future.

like man I never realised how cringe worthy my posts were

also i've read a couple of people's blogs who also have really really cringe worthy 'wah fml so depressed im soooo in love' posts
no one pple know irl dw lol just people i've come across while blogwalking

but yeah man someone smack some sense into me



oh and i realise my last post made lots of people depressed. sorry, again.




oh exciting turn of events yesterday I FUCKING SPRAINED MY ANKLE AGAIN ugh
so of course that meant i could no longer go on the tramp i was gonna go on tomorrow that would finish up my duke of ed. i am so gutted :(
legit like the worst day ever yesterday. i had to walk up and down the school from sports centre to science to pac to robertson to pe etc etc while being embarrassingly crippled.

HORRIBLE

and i was stuck in traffic for about 2 hours. fun

and when i go back home THERE WERE SWARMS OF ANTS ON MY DESK ughhhhhhhh
and then after i sprayed them all, i  look down at my bed and in the corner there are like 20 dead ants and on the floor there are like 20 dead ants as well and idk if they were from my desk and flew onto my bed from the wind of the spray or if they were already on my bed BUT EITHER WAY IT WAS DISGUSTING AND RUINED MY DAY MORE THAN SPRAINING MY ANKLE.







only good thing that came out of yesterday was that i got all my results back from exams (apart from art) and I got all excellences AWWWW YESSSSSSSS WHO DA MAN

You are not special.

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. 
You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. 



there are some people that are naturally at ease when in a situation where they are with people they don't know very well. they make friends easily. it's just... uncomplicated.

I, however, generally turn into an awkward, stumbling, im-sorry-i-think-ive-forgotten-how-to-use-words kind of mess. especially if it's someone who is 'cool' or like, intimidating idk.
at least, that's how i am when i have no support system around. but it's strange because when i do have that support system of friends - even if it is just one person- everything is so much easier and i feel so much more relaxed.

like, wow, coolest fucking story ever vicky. you're not special. this isn't a revelation.everyone feels like this, most of the time. please stop boring us.

i am boring me.


some people are hilarious in real life. and then on the internet they are just so... lost. and cringeworthy.
and then some people are hilarious online, but are ridiculously awkward in reality.

i don't even know which one is better anymore.
technologically driven society, i guess.

wow i couldn't spell technologically just then
technoligcally technoligilly technlacilly technolalalacly technadkf;adf;kly
thanks spell check
you're welcome vicky


if you're wondering why i bothered to make this incredibly pointless post
it's because i am procrastinating. as usual.

havent even started studying maths or french. at all. i'm so screwed for maths. if i don't get excellence in this internal, i can't get maths endorsed this year. fun, right?




idk sometimes i just want to curl up in a ball under my covers and just stay there for a whole day. watch the light filter in through the gaps of the curtains, then watch it fade away with the sunset.

pretty sure this is a normal feeling to get when you are a teenager.
pretty sure feeling fat is a normal feeling too.

oooooooh~~ no vicky don't bring over the pity party.
or the "you're not faaaaaat~~~" encouragers

lol please it's not a call for attention, it's an honest musing from my mind.

i am, however, feeling much more healthier lately.
(excluding today and yesterday where i got those $5 kfc lunch packs yesterday and ate a whole bag of pods and got a $5 bk whopper jr deal today shhhhhhh fuck cheap delicious food)

mondays i usually have netball practice in the morning, pilates afterschool (which starts at 4 and for the half an hour beforehand i 'train' in the school gym) and then swimming right after that.
tuesdays i sometimes have umpiring (does that count as exercise idk)
wednesdays i have badminton
saturdays i have netball

in addition to p.e. right now being horrendous since we're doing a WHOLE TERM of rogaine ugh?!

idk it's a lot more activity than i usually have. and then on days i dont have organized sport, i try to squeeze in this workout:

and according to jade this one's very good but i haven't personally tried it:

yeah you're welcome. WHEN U START FITTING IN DEM SIZE 8 JEANS U REMEMBER TO MENTION VICKY XU IN YOUR PRAYERS BEFORE BEDTIME.

got my mum to do the bootyshakin workout with me once hahaha. comedic gold. 

oh yeah, speaking of umpiring (way up there), i did my first umpiring session a week ago and wow did i feel like a bitch throughout the whole game. crushing little year 7 hearts. i think i made a girl cry.

"the whistle makes me their god" - as spoken by a certain dean winchester on a certain supernatural show.

not feeling too bad at school right now. apart from maths and maybe french I feel like I'm coping pretty well in class and all the material seems relatively easy.

nek minnit exam results??????? idk

all i know is i want that double science prize at the end of the year so sosososo bad.

(shh vicky it's not orthodox to admit your goals on the internet when everyone knows theres a slim as shit chance of you achieving them.)

YEAH FUCK YOU SOCIETY..... from vicky.

*unattractive snigger*

inside joke dw

wow is it already 1:40am? this is why i shouldn't take 4 hour naps during the day. apparently i snore when i nap. yeah, well, i probably snore when im tired and when im tired i nap SO.




i am so looking forward to this weekend.
expect pictures.

not on facebook though.


photos that are posted on facebook that shouldn't be on facebook and everyone who posts these kinds of pictures lose my respect like ~that.
(only applies to people under 18 tbh)
(and only if you're a shithole)

• photos of you blatantly posing while holding alcohol up like wow u are a hard cunt 
• photos of you macking on your boyfriend/girlfriend bro have u heard of class ESPECIALLY IF YOU'VE ONLY BEEN 'GOING OUT' FOR LIKE, 3 DAYS.
• omg speaking of that
• PEOPLE WHO POST STUPID INDIRECT STATUSES ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY "~MISS" SOME STUPID CRUSH OR LOVE THEM SO MUCH OR CHEESY SHIT THAT MAKES ME WANT TO THROW UP LIKE UGH SHUT UP
• people who send me temple run /other game requests (i am srs if i get another one of those i am looking u up in the college list and I WILL BE HIDING UNDER YOUR BED AT NIGHT)
• people in general

hehe bcz of tumblr the 'insults' #asshole #homo #bastard and #faggot all have positive connotations to me now.

wow misha collins is such an #asshole look at him fucking prancing around doing charity work in haiti who do u think u are fucking perfect human being #bastard dammit jared padalecki u are not allowed to be around babies wtf u have a baby now why would u do that ughhhhhhhhhh

wow one direction wow you are just beautiful little #faggots i hate you so much why stop stupid zayn u are a #homo stop with your blatant eye sexing with harry no wait louis why are u such a sassy piece of rainbow shit FUCK U

ok sorry i got a little carried away

how do u blog

i cant remember

i suck

wow looked back on my 'people i'd like to bang' list and am inwardly cringing

however, i think you should all check out this fine piece of talented ass.

omg i just realised that everyone who reads this blog already follows my twitter already so this is all a bit redundant...

bio exam tmrw. have done chem and english so far. pretty alright for both, not super confident but at the same time not hopeless devastated. i am so fucked for maths on thursday though ohohohooooooo

went to taylor swift concert on 18/03/2012

it was magical.


i was in the mosh (with cathee, maria, & jo) too short. had to peek through heads and was in a tiptoe position was outstretched neck for the whole night.

possibly more details to come

right now i have to go back to cramming for brain bee. test is tmrw.

gg.

THW

jesus
just...
.... ignore the two posts below haha

been reading too many ellen hopkins novels....




did first debate of the year today at mrgs! we went up against baradene. it was technically my 2nd debate i've ever done. my first was so traumatic omg.

thats what she said.

(anyway) our team won and i got 74 points out of 80 as well as best speaker (joint with chrissie).

I'M SO HAPPY CUZ THIS HAS GIVEN ME SUCH A CONFIDENCE BOOST CUZ THE FIRST TIME I DID DEBATING IT WAS SO SO SO BAD BUT NOW I GOT BEST SPEAKER SO YAY MAYBE IM NOT THAT HORRIBLE AFTER ALL :B

after debating we walked out of the classroom, right? and SUDDENLY i see mildred and lizanne from intermediate and we're like OMG HAIIII and stuff to each other and then someone calls out "VICKY" and it's kelly kim standing on the other side of the coridoor and im like OMG HAIII! and then we walk out of the building and i see ma'ata who i've known since primary and we're like OMG HAIIIIIIIIII!!!

yup thats what happens within 2 minutes when you visit your old school (kinda though bcz i never actually went to mrgs but i went to mris which has all the same pple).

i guess the reality is

choir is that one thing that I've always had since I was like, in primary. I've always joined it and as much as I complain about it, I like choir and I like singing in a choir. I've always thought I was good at choir, and I thought I was good at singing.

So when you get rejected saying you're not good enough to get into choir, it's kind of a blow to the confidence gonads.

Yeah, yeah, I can still go join BWS but that's just going to be the reject choir, and if I thought this year was bad, then next year's BWS is gonna be hell, since there wont be any good people in the choir, unlike this year where there were still a couple who were pretty good.

of course, I thought i was one of the people who were pretty good.

guess not.

another thing is, choir's always there in my list of extracurriculars, and now that I havent gotten into SA, idk if i actually want to participate in BWS, so that means there won't be a choir in my extracurriculars. Even if I am in BWS, i'll just look like a pathetic little girl who can't actually sing so she has to join BWS.

and you know, I've stopped doing piano, and this is after my grade 8 exam which I only got a meager pass in, whereas now, all my friends have done grade 8 and have been getting distinctions and high distinctions and while I actually am happy for them, it makes me feel like even more of a failure.

I mean, I didn't even get into talent quest this year, so maybe I'm just getting signs left right and centre saying that I should quit singing. Spend the time and money used on it on something like piano instead.  

But I'm not good at piano either, so....

I honestly can't catch a break. Everywhere I look, I'm just not good enough. Not good enough to win Top Academic Achievement, not good enough to get into saints, not good enough at singing, not pretty enough, not tall enough, not good enough at songwriting, piano, maths, writing, tumblring, and ffs, not good enough at being a good person even.

you know how much it sucks always being second place or always being the loser?

I'm really more embarrassed than anything else about this, but being the narcissistic whore that I am, I feel the need to complain about it so that people will say "OH, DONT WORRY, YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT SINGING" or some shit like that when it's not true. So, if you think i'm seeking attention, you're probably right. (just in case u didn't think i didn't already know...)

Bottom line is:

I thought I was good at something, but apparently I'm not.

Welcome to my life.

2011

I think I can safely say that 2011 has been the best year I've had so far.

I guess there have been other good years - Year 6 and 5 hold lots of great memories for me. I can't really remember anything except for odd random memories from before Year 4. There were aspects in Year 7 that were kind of horrible for me: I didn't like MRIS at all and thought my time was being wasted at school everyday since I never actually learnt anything and the extracurriculars were shit, etc. The friends were alright, even though I'm not close to any of my old friends there anymore. Year 9 form class was pretty lame cuz we didn't even know each other. I got close with Jade and Maria and Maggie and stuff in Year 9 though, which was pretty good. I loved social studies and maths class in Year 9 - not the subjects, but the class environment, yknw?

Well, first reason why this year rocked: I've had a great class who I've gotten so close to, and I'm basically friends with everyone and a lot of them are just such awesome people who I think I'll continue being friends with even if we're in different classes next year. Sure, we won't be as close, but hopefully we'll still say hi in the corridors or something. It's been one of my favourite classes I've had. Year 9 was pretty shit because our class just didn't know each other and I can barely remember who was actually in my class. I guess I really don't want that to happen next year in Year 11 since our intake will be split up, but I really really wish we didn't have to change classes and destroy the friendships we made this year. This is basically the main reason I don't want this year to end. I've made so many new friends in a lot of my classes - not just my form class. But yeah, my form class is close and I genuinely think my form class is the best one in our year level. We've got the best people (no bitches or overly-socially retarded people) and we're really tight, unlike a couple of other intakes, so I think I was really lucky to get into Intake 1.

Second, my teachers this year have been the best. (In fact, I should be doing my xmas cards to them atm but I got distracted with checking my blogspot, then seeing winnie's post, then deciding to write a blog post cuz I am a emotional teenage motherfucker with a lot of feelings). My xmas cards are pretty much going to be the same for all of my teachers, even though everything I say for each of them would be completely genuine. I really have learnt so much and I've got pretty good relationships with my teachers this year, albeit a couple of them are still pretty intimidating (cough Mr Howe). I mean, I got really good marks in my end of year exams (all E's!!!) and everythings been going shitgood. I've enjoyed all my subjects and I wouldn't mind at all having the same bunch of teachers next year (yes, even maybe the certain science teacher if it meant I got to have the same teachers in all my other subjects). I really hope I get Mdme Morton again next year cuz French was so fun this year, and I learnt so so so much in English - more than I ever have in other years. Our Art class was so much chill than all the other Art classes and everyone just cracks lame jokes and we all talk about vampire diaries across the room while Mr Ball just does our artwork for us hahaha.

Then, I've got my 'asian' group at school, who (from my perspective) haven't had too much drama this year. I mean, for me, at least. Year 9 was kinda shit cuz me and Joanna were fighting and estranged from each other for the whole year and I had way too many caps lock arguments with a couple of people over facebook haahha. One aspect that sucked about this year was that so many people from our group changed schools (Reb, Rach, Ding....), and next year even more people are leaving (Aimee, possibly Meilin), but the people that left only left in Term 4 so it didn't impact on the year much. And plus I've been seeing them so much these couple of weeks cuz of all the birthday parties people have been having. I know that for some people they've been having a shit time this year regarding friendship drama, and I also know some people who hated last year cuz of friends excluding them/bullying them, and so this year has been waaay better for them.

I'm feeling really melancholic about this year ending. I'm really effing looking forward to holidays and just not going to school anymore, but I just wish that once holidays finish and Term 1 2012 starts nothing changes from this year so everything could just be as good as 2011. A lot of other things have contributed on 2011 being a good year (Kah*nui, Vampire diaries lol, etc) but I have a feeling that everything next year may change. It sucks cuz I'm not allowed to talk about it with anyone so I'm just in my little corner alone suffering the waiting process by myself.....
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....yep I'm pregnant.

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.... Just kidding.


Here's hoping for a good  great 2012.

i really really just want exams to be over and done with so that i can relax

after all my exams, i am going to:

• watch all 7 seasons of supernatural (eek so excited)
• finish reading fallout and tricks by ellen hopkins
• watch all 6 seasons of how i met your mother
• read multiple destiel fics
• finish rearranging poster wall
• read all the new twilight fics that are spamming up my inbox
• watch pretty little liars
• fucking enjoy life

guys my english teacher still hasnt sent back my english essay and i think i'm going to cry omg WHY WON'T YOU REPLY MR H WHY!?!?!?!?!!? exam is on tuesday and i want to memorise my essay but what if its a merit-worthy essay and not an excellence-worthy essay so if i started memorising it now, it would all be in vain omg

tuesday morn: english

wednesday: FREE
thursday morn: science
thursday aftn: french

friday morn: social studies
friday aftn: art

i think i'm functioning pretty well for someone on four hours sleep

my sexy face is sexy. thank you powerade. 

okay winnie and yujie, HELP ME PRETTY PLZ WITH A CHERRY (lol hi cherry) ON TOP! for my art wood carving pic up there^ what should i do for the top left hand square (it's got a horizontal line passing through the middle of it to divide it into two sections, so i need to put two things into it) on the blank right hand side of the left section of the board, i was thinking of doing one of 

these sprial shells (but with the narrow point at the top of the page) 

and then for the bottom right hand square of the RIGHT side of the carving, have this shell ->
but have it standing upright. i still dunno about the top left hand square though......

back to studying, i guess.

OH BTW, VICKY IS MUCHOS HAPPY ABOUT THE POSTERS IN THE NEW GF MAGAZINE.

creepy face is done on purpose, just sayin.

where has the excellency gone?

i dont know why, but my grades have been slipping lately.
either i've stopped trying as hard or I'm just getting shittier at everything.

life sucks.

......... and i should be studying.

the mcawesome

today is the day that all people in the culinary world will celebrate.
today, it the birth of the mcawesome.

what is the mcawesome, you may ask?

it's a piece of raison toast- untoasted, with a handful of grated cheese on top, melted in the oven. then a layer of shaved ham, and on top of all that, an egg.

and of course, invented by yours truly.

it sounds simple, yes, and the pairing of the sweetness from the raison bread with the other savoury items may seem odd at first, but trust me, it's frickin good.




also, i'm so screwed tonight. gotta write personal reading response (they always take me ages) thats due tmrw, write my french speech that should be done by tmrw, finish my art wood cut that should be done today and try to cram in some studying.

what happened last last friday night

 

the video i made for ding dong :)

um so we didnt go streaking in the park
or skinny dipping in the dark
and we DEFINITELY didn't have a menage a trois

basically, last last friday night, we were lame and we had fun dammit!

so me and lizzi went to her house cuz thats where we were holding maria's ohmygod-she's-leaving-us-so-we-must-celebrate-just-kidding party/sleepover/soiree pyjama >>;; and no one was coming till like, 4:30, so I just whipped out my computer to watch the new vampire diaries episode (which was 'bloody' good btw....seewhatididthere? :D) and lizzi went on tumblr or whatever. and then halfway through my episode, rebecca and sangya came, and then rebecca came to watch vd with me and sangya...uh. i actually have no idea what sangya was doing. maybe playing with lizzis cat idk.

and then maria came, and cathee came (or did cathee come before maria?) and then we were like LOLZ LETS PAINT OUR NAIIILSS!! so we painted our nails and that actually took so much time haha. and then the pizza man came with like, 10 pizzas and i was like :O holy crap! and we all pigged out and ate on the deck freezing our tushies off and laughed and talked and just did what we did best - being fucking hilarious losers. and we played fuck marry kill and i found out that lizzi is a sick fuck who would have sex with voldemort WTF DUDE THE GUY DOESNT HAVE A NOSE *OR* A TAN. then halfway through dinner cherry came, and after a while we moved inside cuz everyone was near getting hypothermia. and then inside we talked and ate and laughed some more and then idk what happened but we started youtubing random videos and they (not me, never me) started tangoing and i was laughing my ass off at them. oh and various people gave maria presents and cathee, lizzi and maria started bawling their eyes out and i laughed at them.

and we did a little model runway thing in lizzi's hallway hahahahha oh god

we were being too loud with all the screaming and cackling and shit so we moved down to the basement and then we all started shuffling to party rock anthem lmfao.... i dont even know... wut okay.

and we swopped outfits hahahahha. cherry needs to buy some minishorts .

after thaaaat, we went upstairs to lizzis movie room and decided what movie to watch. they wanted to watch lion king 1 and a half. i had no say in the matter >.>;; i hadn't even seen lion king 1 at that stage (but i went to watch it with marcia and sueyeon on tuesday - it was good!) but lion king 1 and a half was pretty full of da lolz too. after that, cathee left cuz she wasnt allowed to sleep over, and we watched mulan which was good until the disk decided to be a bitch and kept freezing and skipping parts :(

we ate grapes and popcorn yes party!

and then we went downstairs to the basement to sleep and decided to play truth or dare in the dark but sans the dare part. and everyone fell asleep except for me and cherry and then i decided i was very uncomfortable between two people on a matress so i went to sleep on the floor.

surprisingly, i had a good sleep. next morning i woke up and someone (i cant remember who. think it was lizzi) drew on sangya and marias faces hahaha. we had breakfast (om nom nommity scrambled eggs, bacon, french toast, banana smoothie) and i went and posted on cherrys blog which u can find here. and we kinda sat around being lazy shits for a while, and cherry and reb left early cuz they had stuff on, and me, sangya, maria and lizzi were left.

we walked to mt eden shops and got frappucinos and went to geoffs emporium, which is like, a fucking huge awesome godsland of various crap. spent ages looking for water guns and water balloons before finding them at the front of the shop, all the while, sangya was waiting outside in the cold with the bike hahaha. bought water weapons and two huge bubble mixture blower thingys and walked back home, while blowing bubbles along the way. both bubble blower handles broke during the walk home. shitty made in china stuff hahahah. got home, FINALLY warmed up a bit, got changed into togs and shit, and started filling up water balloons for war lol. i was in a team with sangya cuz lizzi and maria ditched me. water balloons are a bitch to fill up, just saying. took about 20 minutes to fill up 20 and used them up in like, 3 minutes. lizzi and maria are dirty motherfucking soldiers btw. came into our territory like, 8 times. i ended up pouring a bucket of water on them though, but that resulted in them going to the pool to fill up their bucket and thus throwing it on us, and then lizzi throwing me in the pool. ahhaha. but then everyone jumped into the pool, so, meh. and then we had a gun fight/lets-drown-maria thing in the pool and BITCHES I HAVE THE BEST AIM EVER. but sangya was fucking brutal.

and then we went into the spa and it got chilly and the spa wasnt hot enough and we were fucking freezing and like, ran into the house after a while and took showers hahaha.

AND THEN, PERFECT TIMING - IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE :(

and that was the end of our eventful friday/saturday.

A week's recap

So, this week was pretty stressful. Monday and Tuesday were my maths statistics internals, and I lost my internal-ginity (that sounds extremely wrong). Finished just in time though. Seriously, I wrote the last word, full stopped it and it was exactly time up. I thnk I did alright, as long as I was right about not making the call.

Then yesterday, Joanna was suddenly emailed about a reaudition, which is ridiculous cuz we didnt even know that we were going to be called back to reauditions, and the reaudition was that day at lunchtime, so we didn't have any time to practice more! stupid organization from the committee, fuck. anyway, i forgot my words in a line of a verse, but i dont think it was too major. in the end, we didn't get in, which didn't come as much of a shock because I had heard some other people's pieces and they were so much better. I'm not too gutted. There's always next year!

I also did my speech yesterday. It was about vampire obsessions. I got excellence, and when we voted for people to go to the finals, it came down to me, Lizzi, and Hayon, and with a revote, Hayon got into the finals. Algoods though, I wasn't really keen on the pressure of going to finals, even though it would've been a good thing for my ego haha. The fact that people liked my speech enough to even consider me to go to the finals was already a huge compliment!

Today was the most stressful of all. Or rather, last night was, cuz of the studying. Today I had my French end of unit test in period 1, and science end of topic test in period 2. Yeah, thanks teachers for cramming two hard-to-study-for tests in a time frame of 2 hours. We had time after the french test, so we marked the first page and I got quite a bit wrong, so I'm not really looking forward to getting my full mark back. Science test consisted of a lot of writing and quite a bit of bullshitting and hoping that the stuff you wrote down had relevance to the question. I finished just in time (or slightly overtime....) and my hand was cramping like a bitch throughout the test.

Went to speech finals in p4. Same couple of people got into speech finals this year again. Hannah R won it, obviously, because her speech was fucking hilarious. It was like a comedy routine, I was pissing myself omg. She did her topic on how to find the perfect guy!!! HOW DID SHE COME UP WITH THAT SHIT? It was actually a good thing lizzi didn't get into the finals (or so she says) because Mia was in the finals and she did the same topic as lizzi (honesty).

Ooh, also, yesterday, I drove quite a bit. My mum picked me up from school and on landscape road (not the side with the huge hill) I got to start driving and drove basically around my normal practice area around those backstreets, and then onto dominion road, and towards mount roskill grammar and past it, and drove all the way to bunnings warehouse! YESS VICKY IS ON THE MAIN ROADS BITCHES! Everytime my mum picks me up from school, I convince her to let me drive haha. WOOP WOOP!

Had singing lesson today. Cathee decided to ditch me for next weeks singers recital. I don't think I'm gonna go cuz I sound really shit in the song (which is hallelujah). I recorded myself - it was bad. I'm feeling really shitty about my voice thesedays. Trying out for stage band/b band. ugh, the songs that I have to sing are really not suited for me. Whatevs, can't hurt to try out. Except for my ego.

All this stress has caused me to breakout on my nose. and i have a pimple in my nose, as well as a cold, so I have to blow my nose and that means that the pimple just gets irritated. UGH.

Tomorrows house performances. Our house are doing the ugly duckling. I'm a pig. How accurate. I bought sweatpants for the occasion. I needed sweatpants anyway, so good excuse to buy em.


Gonna chill this weekend, then it's back to studying for my algebra exam. :(

rude awakening.

WHAT THE FUCK. THERES ONLY ONE MORE DAY OF HOLIDAYS?!

holy crap schools just quietly sneaking up and went BAM! i haven't finished any holiday homework, i havent finished remodelling my wall of posters, i haven't got my graphics calculator, i haven't studied, i haven't watch as many movies as i wanted too.

WHAT HAPPENED THESE 3 WEEKS?! MY GOD.

since like, the 2nd week of term two, i've been eagerly waiting for the holidays and now i feel like it just went like , whooshing past my head and now its time to go back to school again.

SHIT.

procrastination at it's finest.

so, i'm starting on my reading response thats due for english class, and my word document is still a blank piece of (virtual) paper, and i realised, when i looked at the template for writing these responses, that it's so much easier for me to think about something rather than feel something. on the template it says that we should write 60 words for the 'thinking' part, and 120 words for the 'feeling' part. granted, i never stick to this word approximation because my responses usually become 1000+ word essays, but basically, the template means that we're supposed to write double the amount  for your 'feeling' section that you write for your 'thinking' section. but i always write less in the feeling section. I guess this is because when i try to explain how i feel, i can never do it very well. There are only so many adjectives you can use before you start sounding like a thesaurus, and usually when i want to describe how I feel on the internet, it's either done by a gif or a "ADBFPA;ONF;SADPOFN;SDIOF" smashing of the keyboard.

on the other hand, when you describe how a moment in the book made you THINK, you can write a lot more. take this blogpost, for example. this is all the things that I'm thinking, translated onto paper  a post. I'm not feeling all of this. When you want me to discuss how this book made me think, I can go on and on, because that's why I read the book, and that's what good books should make you do: they should make you think! Saying that, good books should also make you feel something, but in most cases, the feeling is sympathy or empathy for the character(s), and I don't really feel like writing how I feel fucking sorry for these characters and blah blah again, after doing it in my last two responses. I guess I could write about pride, or sadness or what the fuck ever, but ugh. i dont even.... A[SDPFOMSD;FODSLF

^ see thats how I describe how I'm feeling. I'm hopeless, haha.

if you think about it (haha see? THINK) feeling is just thinking, but more sure and more... um, intense? IDK haha. like, you could say you THINK something bad is going to happen, and you could say you FEEL that something bad is going to happen. Maybe because thinking is linked to your brain, whereas feeling is linked to your heart? even though thats not actually correct because in reality, feelings are from your brain as well, because your brain controls everything you do.

I'm confusing myself now, haha.

maybe the reason I find it's easier to write about what i think about rather than what i'm feeling is because I'm more of a logical person than an emotional person? But that's not right, because most of the time, I follow my heart (CHEESYYY) and I'm incredibly emotional, since I cry, laugh, smile, get angry, etc incredibly easily.

ohmygod that reminds me of the movie four lions. has anyone seen it? it's so like, mindfucking hahahah. it's really funny, only because you laugh at the absurdity of it all. it's a movie about these four terrorists, and it sounds dark but they're all dumbasses except for one slightly smarter guy who's the lead character. there's this part where one of the really dumb guys is feeling unsure on whether he wants to follow through with the terrorist attack (they were going to go suicide bombing at a fun-run) and the smart guy (lets call him X) is like "well, listen to your heart. what does your heart say?" and the dumb guy (Y) is like "...my heart says this is wrong, but my brain says i should do this" and X says "..... uh, well see, you're confused, k? you've confused ur heart up with your brain. they swapped over. so your heart is really your brain and your brain is your heart. so, um, follow your heart!"

okay when i type it out its not funny but in the movie it was like OMG LOLWTF LOLOL.

different scene but still funny as fuck:

OKAY OKAY OKAY.
MUST. WRITE. RESPONSE!