To see a scorpion in your dream represents a situation in your waking life which may be painful or hurtful. It is also indicative of destructive feelings, "stinging" remarks, bitter words and/or negative thoughts being expressed by you or aimed against you. You may be on a self-destructive and self-defeating path. The scorpion is also a symbol of death and rebirth. You need to get rid of the old and make room for something new. 

To dream that you are at an assembly suggests that you are learning to accept and integrate the various aspects of yourself. The dream may also be telling you that you need to schedule a meeting. There is something that needs to be discussed.

To dream about the death of a loved one suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what you like about them. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, the dream indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life anymore.

To dream about your Facebook page represents your desires to expand your social circle. You need to reach out to others in a more direct and personal way. It is time to get out there and experience life.

Recurring dreams are quite common and are often triggered by a certain life situation, transitional phase in life or a problem that keeps coming back again and again. Such dreams may be highlighting a personal weakness, fear, or your inability to cope with something in your life. Some urgent underlying message in your unconscious is demanding to be understood. 


The frequent repetition of such dreams forces you to pay attention and confront the dream. It is desperately trying to tell you something.  Such dreams are often nightmarish or frightening in their content, which also helps you to take notice and pay attention to them.

I dreamt that my brother died and as a response, I posted something fucking ridiculous on his facebook wall that I can't remember but included the word 'lol' in it. The dream then skipped to my year group outside on a concrete area, where we were having a levels assembly and our dean was speaking. There was commotion amongst the group of 'popular girls' and they were all screaming and looking down at the floor. They stepped back to reveal a black 3 inch scorpion that scuttled extremely fast up and down the court area around them. Its body/legs/pincers on the concrete made a fast, loud, constant click/clacking noise.

The scorpion passed everyone without stopping or noticing them. It came towards me and I was getting ready to jump over it when it suddenly stopped, right in front of my feet. And then at a high speed I felt and heard it scuttle up my legs, up my body, up my neck, right next to my ear. And it kept making it's noises right against my ear and I could feel and hear it, even once I'd abruptly woken up.

The first time I had this dream, a couple nights ago, the scorpion didn't even come near me.

I went back to sleep, and when I woke up it was 8:30am and I was extremely late for school. 

Fuck you scorpion.

existential crisis

For 15 years on this earth, what do I really have to show for it? I've contributed to a heavy large dent in my parents' bank account, and I'm responsible for a significant amount of moth deaths, but other than that?

I don't have any hobbies. Well, I do, but not any that you can list down on a job application or talk about at a college interview. I write down singing, piano, reading, netball, writing, cooking, and experiencing new cultures. But that's all bullshit. I (evidently) suck at singing and have kinda given up on it now; I've stopped playing piano for more than a year; I barely read and a lot of the time it's fanfiction; I suck at netball (cough team 5); the most I write is when I write on this blog; my cooking is limited to omelets, scrambled eggs, fried eggs, pancakes, other breakfast foods, fried rice and two minute noodles; and the only country I've been to properly overseas is China (and even then, only Shanghai) and I quit Chinese and have forgotten pretty much everything I learnt over the 6 years I did lessons.

But really, what I actually should write down is blogging, watching and obsessing over TV shows and celebrities, putting useless shit up on my bedroom walls, tumblr, facebook, pretty much everything on the internet, shopping, movies and sleeping in till 4pm.

Basically, I'm a fake, a quitter and completely worthless.

Oh, don't worry, I'm not gonna jump off a bridge or anything. Nor am I depressed. I'm just, reflecting, I guess. It's constructive.

Ugh, I just feel like I haven't actually stuck to anything. I used to do Kumon, Chinese class, piano, maths class - all this crap outside school, and I dropped them all.

And now, singing. I'm kind of dropping singing. I don't mean to, it's just everytime I start singing I remind myself of the whole choir situation and I get a really shitty feeling and don't want to sing anymore. Actually, a couple nights ago, I had a dream where Ms Flint sent me an email saying that the only reason I didn't get into SA was because I forgot to fill out this huge chunk in the registration form about SA and so she couldn't place me into the choir, but if I filled it out, it'd be algoods. I actually woke up thinking it was real for a while (at the back of my head) and for the whole day I remembered I had a good dream the night before and kept trying to remember it. And when I did, I realised the whole form incident was just a dream. It sucked.

The awkward moment when your dreams are better than your reality.

I've actually been having really strange dreams lately. I had the choir dream, a zombie dream, a dream where I was on a cruise and a couple more that I can't remember right now. I'll blog about them later (does anyone actually care/read about my dreams??)

I just feel down.



I finished my CV and applied for Glassons, Cotton On, La Porchetta (Ben got me to), and McDonalds. IDK where else to apply. Glassons application was a biiiitch. It was so long and you had to do stuff like write about your 'personal style' and leave an answering machine recording for them on why you'd be good at the job.

Do you guys have any ideas where else I could apply?

Don't think I'll get hired by anything but maybe McD's. And I've already gotten two rejection emails from Queen St and Newmarket branches lol.


I wanted to do a St Johns first aid course but they cost like, $160 bucks WTAF.
I want to sign up for yoga. Or zumba. Or Karate. Or kickboxing.
Maybe proper singing lessons. Or art lessons. Definitely want to start up piano again.
Want to learn how to HTML/CSS. Or how to gif/do photo edits on tumblr. At least then my tumblring will actually be somewhat beneficial.
Really want to go volunteer somewhere. Preferably something hospital/medical related so I can get an insight into the job, yknw? Most volunteer places want +18s.
Guys have any volunteering suggestions?

Elizabeth Knox retirement home is very mainstream. haha. 








I feel so lost.















Last night I had an extreme craving for red meat. Like, foetal position "I NEED BEEEEEEF". Still want a  burger or something relevant atm but NO BEEF IN HOUSE WHAT and my mum wont let me go down to BK ugh.

wtf lol idek.







winnie your website is amazing.


+1

2011

I think I can safely say that 2011 has been the best year I've had so far.

I guess there have been other good years - Year 6 and 5 hold lots of great memories for me. I can't really remember anything except for odd random memories from before Year 4. There were aspects in Year 7 that were kind of horrible for me: I didn't like MRIS at all and thought my time was being wasted at school everyday since I never actually learnt anything and the extracurriculars were shit, etc. The friends were alright, even though I'm not close to any of my old friends there anymore. Year 9 form class was pretty lame cuz we didn't even know each other. I got close with Jade and Maria and Maggie and stuff in Year 9 though, which was pretty good. I loved social studies and maths class in Year 9 - not the subjects, but the class environment, yknw?

Well, first reason why this year rocked: I've had a great class who I've gotten so close to, and I'm basically friends with everyone and a lot of them are just such awesome people who I think I'll continue being friends with even if we're in different classes next year. Sure, we won't be as close, but hopefully we'll still say hi in the corridors or something. It's been one of my favourite classes I've had. Year 9 was pretty shit because our class just didn't know each other and I can barely remember who was actually in my class. I guess I really don't want that to happen next year in Year 11 since our intake will be split up, but I really really wish we didn't have to change classes and destroy the friendships we made this year. This is basically the main reason I don't want this year to end. I've made so many new friends in a lot of my classes - not just my form class. But yeah, my form class is close and I genuinely think my form class is the best one in our year level. We've got the best people (no bitches or overly-socially retarded people) and we're really tight, unlike a couple of other intakes, so I think I was really lucky to get into Intake 1.

Second, my teachers this year have been the best. (In fact, I should be doing my xmas cards to them atm but I got distracted with checking my blogspot, then seeing winnie's post, then deciding to write a blog post cuz I am a emotional teenage motherfucker with a lot of feelings). My xmas cards are pretty much going to be the same for all of my teachers, even though everything I say for each of them would be completely genuine. I really have learnt so much and I've got pretty good relationships with my teachers this year, albeit a couple of them are still pretty intimidating (cough Mr Howe). I mean, I got really good marks in my end of year exams (all E's!!!) and everythings been going shitgood. I've enjoyed all my subjects and I wouldn't mind at all having the same bunch of teachers next year (yes, even maybe the certain science teacher if it meant I got to have the same teachers in all my other subjects). I really hope I get Mdme Morton again next year cuz French was so fun this year, and I learnt so so so much in English - more than I ever have in other years. Our Art class was so much chill than all the other Art classes and everyone just cracks lame jokes and we all talk about vampire diaries across the room while Mr Ball just does our artwork for us hahaha.

Then, I've got my 'asian' group at school, who (from my perspective) haven't had too much drama this year. I mean, for me, at least. Year 9 was kinda shit cuz me and Joanna were fighting and estranged from each other for the whole year and I had way too many caps lock arguments with a couple of people over facebook haahha. One aspect that sucked about this year was that so many people from our group changed schools (Reb, Rach, Ding....), and next year even more people are leaving (Aimee, possibly Meilin), but the people that left only left in Term 4 so it didn't impact on the year much. And plus I've been seeing them so much these couple of weeks cuz of all the birthday parties people have been having. I know that for some people they've been having a shit time this year regarding friendship drama, and I also know some people who hated last year cuz of friends excluding them/bullying them, and so this year has been waaay better for them.

I'm feeling really melancholic about this year ending. I'm really effing looking forward to holidays and just not going to school anymore, but I just wish that once holidays finish and Term 1 2012 starts nothing changes from this year so everything could just be as good as 2011. A lot of other things have contributed on 2011 being a good year (Kah*nui, Vampire diaries lol, etc) but I have a feeling that everything next year may change. It sucks cuz I'm not allowed to talk about it with anyone so I'm just in my little corner alone suffering the waiting process by myself.....
.
.
.
....yep I'm pregnant.

.
.
.
.... Just kidding.


Here's hoping for a good  great 2012.

pot brownies, smirnoff, beer and gum solves lifes problems

On Today's episode of "What the fuck is going on in Vicky's mind when she dreams at night"......

Okay, so, I was at home in my kitchen and I was making brownies.... but they were pot brownies. And I was crushing up the weed in a mortar and pestle, but the weed looked like broccoli. anyway, I got it really finely crushed and it turned white and powdery and i put it into the brownie mixture and it cooked right away in the oven and came out. I cut it into really tiny 2x2cm pieces and ate two pieces and then suddenly I was at school, VERY high and shit.

For some reason my mind relates high to being drowsy, so I was at school all drowsy and feeling weird. I ate this gobstopper lolly that turned out to be gum, so I was chewing gum at school and was like, well fuck, not only am I high at school, I'm also chewing gum! I was in the Hunter Building and they had finished renovations and I was walking through that coridoor that connects hunter to robertson, and they were putting up all the posters again, and I walk to my locker, and there were new sets of wooden lockers there so I was like wtf, and a teacher saw me and came up to me saying "oh sorry, these lockers are useless now, you can't use them anymore" and opened the new locker where my old locker used to be, and inside was my old locker door (meaning that the new lockers werent lockers at all, and were actually just a big plank of wood with locker doors that open and LOOKED like lockers but were just covers to the old blue lockers.) And then I realised that in my school bag there were TONNES of heavy ass books and there was also an open bottle of beer without the lid (that I actually have in my fridge atm, btw i tried some and it tasted like day old piss EUGH) and i was like SHIT what am i going to do with all the crap in my bag now? I HAVE TO THROW MY BEER AWAY, BUT I CANT THROW IT AWAY IN A BIN AT SCHOOL CUZ THEN THEY'LL KNOW I HAVE BEER AT SCHOOL!! so I was freaking out, but suddenly I was on a train/bus thingy and I was sitting next to a friend (dont remember who) and I said to them "DOES THAT WINDOW OPEN?" and they were like yep! so I opened the window and threw the beer out and IT WAS GONE :D

then I went to this supermarket with my mum after school, and there were these smirnoff bottle packs and I asked my mum to buy it without telling her it was alcohol, and she bought it for me. Then I open it, and see that there's 3 bottles of the actual vodka, but there are 3 little pudding tubs of it in an ice cream version (that isn't cold, but the texture of ice cream) and 3 tubs of the vodka in a jelly version (red, green and yellow) that I usually eat for morning tea at school. and then I ate the little ice cream versions of it and was like wut.

the end!

i also remember I went into this huge hall to do something and I remember lining up in the hall but I dont remember what I was doing ><"

To see or eat brownies in your dream symbolizes self indulgence. You feel that you are deserving of a small gift and are treating yourself to a little sweet reward.

To dream that you are baking brownies represents your sweetness and consideration of other people.

To dream that you are in possession of or taking drugs, signifies your need for a "quick fix" or an escape from reality. You may be turning to a potentially harmful alternative as an instant escape from your problems.

To dream that you are using marijuana signifies illicit activity or ill health.

To dream that you are crushing something denotes that you are under tremendous stress over a decision that you need to make.

To dream that you are chewing gum suggests that you are unable to express yourself effectively. You may feel vulnerable. Alternatively, it symbolizes a sticky situation that you are involved in.

To dream that you are unable to get rid of your gum suggests that you are experiencing some indecision, powerlessness or frustration. You may lack understanding in a situation or find that a current problem is overwhelming. The gum in your mouth is a metaphor for something that you are trying to process or digest. Perhaps you feel that you have bitten off more than you can chew.

To see or drink beer in your dream represents happiness, fogginess, or inspiration. It also indicates that you have quite a social life.

To see or use a locker in your dream signifies aspects of yourself which you have kept hidden inside. Consider what items and belongings are in the locker. In particular, to dream of a school locker denotes hidden feelings, knowledge, and attitudes that you need to learn and/or acknowledge.

To see or ride a school bus in your dream suggests that you are about to venture on an important life journey needed for your own personal growth.

To dream that you are on a train symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, the dream means that you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will work out in the end.

To dream that you are having a conversation with your mother denotes a matter that has preoccupied your mind and you are not sure how to deal with it in your waking life.

To see or eat jelly in your dream represents insight into a situation you have been wondering about. The dream may be a metaphor for something that is finally taking shape. You have come to some understanding. Alternatively, it indicates that you are preserving or maintaining a sweet relationship.

To see or eat ice cream in your dream denotes good luck, pleasure, success in love and satisfaction with your life. You need to savor the moment and enjoy it. On the other hand, the ice cream may be a pun on "I scream". Perhaps there is something that you need to let out

I love these things!

basically, I'm self indulgent and think I deserve a reward for being a goody-good all the time. I'm sweet and considerate of other people (lol okay), but I need an escape from reality, or I want to try living someone else's life. I want to try illicit activities but am unable to express myself effectively, and feel vulnerable. I'm indecisive over whether or not I want to try illicit activities and am frustrated over my goody-good lifestyle and am stressed over whether or not I want to change it. I see beer, which represents happiness, but I want to get rid of it (er....?) and I've hidden it, so I have a... hidden...social life?? (sure, on the internet haha). okay, I don't think thats right. I think the beer represents me trying illict activities (which hasn't happened cuz my life is boring) and I've hidden it because those thoughts are a secret. lockers represent hidden feelings and aspects of myself, and I see a new, fake locker over my old locker, meaning I have a new fake persona thats hiding my old persona, and hiding who I really am, but all I actually want to be is who I really am, not this fake person. I get rid of my beer (or aka my thoughts of illicit activities) while I'm on my important life journey thats important for my personal growth, and getting rid of those thoughts is the right direction I should be heading in, and I've been needlessly worrying over it because it'll work out in the end (very true). I see my mum and talk to her, meaning this matter has been preoccupying my mind and I don't know how to deal with it irl, and ask her to buy vodka for me, which she does without question, but it turns out the vodka is jelly and icecream. jelly repersents the fact that I have come to an understanding over the matter, and that it's something that I need to let out, which I have done here on my blog :P. The alcohol (or the bottled up thoughts of illicit activities) is made into the form of jelly and icecream, two things that are quite childish, which I think means that I'm trying to grow up too fast, and should really just accept that I can experience all these things when I'm older and that theres no rush :)


fuck yes I love meaningful dreams that create epiphanies in your life.

also,

last night (or this morning, if you want to be literal) I had a dream nightmare where the All Blacks lost to the Wallabies, 33-30.

It was terrifying.

another fucking weird dream

so, i fell asleep on the couch last night watching rugby. woke up in the middle of the night cuz i was cold and the lightts around me were all on and in my hand i had a bunch of $20 notes, which i knew were from my brother cuz i asked him to get them for me on his way back home. didnt go upstairs to my bed cuz i was too tired, so i fell asleep again and woke up this morning very sore and the twenty dollar notes in crevices of the sofa under me lolol

anyway, the dream was uber weird. I moved to a new house but the hallway of it, the outside of it and the address was my old crappy house that's in front of my current house. Even though the rest of the house was crappy, I had this really pretty, big, nice bedroom and it was colour coded with like, beige, pink and dark pink. and then, it had an ensuite that led to another bedroom, which was purple and black and belonged to meilin!! (like, wtf!?) cuz meilin was my sister or something. but her bedroom was like, really emo and stuff but still quite pretty. her room was basically the darker equilavent to my room. she didnt actually appear in my dream though.... ANYWAY. something else happened that i cant remember, but then someone knocked on the door, and it was this family of four (mother father son daughter) with a derpy mutated rottweiler dog, and the whole family were really derpy and scary looking at the same time. and then the dog came through the fly door and squeezed his head through the lattice holes and like, climbed through into the house and i was like WTF DUDE U CANT JUST LET YO DOG CLIMB INTO SOMEONE ELSES PROPERTY WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!? and then they asked if they could come in to get the dog and i was like, no, and opened the door and handed their dog back to them. but the door had like, three doors and some of them opened outwards and some of them opened inwards and i got a bit confused with closing them again, then, when i DID close them, i forgot to lock them, so then the dad of the family just came into the house and i was like NO U CANT DO THAT and then i found out he was a burgular and he was all like "i'm going to steal everything in your house now" and i was like, well shit, so i ran away upstairs (and suddenly my old house became like my new house) and I ran to the balcony and like, jumped down into the lawn below me (i always have dreams where I have to escape my house by jumping off from various parts of my first floor! it's usually out my bedroom window into my neighbours driveway though...)

Here comes the weird bit. when i jumped out into the lawn, I realised I had my camera, and I jumped over the fence and saw the car that belonged to the family parked outside with the mother, son and daughter in it, so I started taking photos of the car but i realised it was on 'video' so I just did this like, circuit videoing around the car and they were all looking at me so I got their faces on tape and I videoed the car number plate. then i took the camera off video and started taking pics of their faces and the number plate, and the whole time they were just looking at me in shock.

and then i woke up.

it was weird though because I felt like the number plate was something important and it was a strange number plate because it was shorter than the normal ones. it was like, 5 numbers/letters? and i remember there was a 7 and a Q in it. argh, i feel like I shouldve remembered it or something.





in other news, i'm pretty sure me and adam levine are soul mates.

AND AAHHH WHO SAW THE VAMPIRE DIARIES EPISODE!??!

NOT DIRTY, JUST CREATIVE :)

i wasn't sure whether or not to post this but since it's not actually dodgy or anything i might as well cuz i find it kinda cool. IM SERIOUS, IT WASNT DODGY.

continue reading so you don't start to judge me haha

so, last night I had a WEEIIRD dream. like i woke up and was like, uhhh?

basically i was at this big house at a party i think, and there was this random stranger whos face i couldn't see and basically I just gave him a ...blowjob? NOW WAIT BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME AND GO "WTF?" it wasn't like, sexual or like anything like that AT ALL! it WASNT a wet dream or something it was kinda just like, blasé/nonchalant. AND THE THING IS, WHEN HE WHIPPED IT OUT IT WAS A REALLY LONG STICK, not like, a penis or anything. like, just a metal pole about 3cm in diameter and half a metre long!!!

and IM SERIOUS, it wasnt like, yknw, sexual. it was really... mechanical? idk. DONT JUDGE ME I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. ANYWAY, i looked up the meaning and this is what i found and it is actually kinda cool.

To dream that you are giving oral sex signifies your willingness to give joy. It is symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirms that you are headed in the right direction in life.

FUCK YEAH!


might also be because someone in my class yesterday said in P.E 'drug education' class: "she got into a taxi but didn't have enough money so she had to give the taxi driver a BJ...." in reply to a question asked by the teacher: "how did jane end up from the party to the floor?".

you should've seen the teacher's face.





oh yeah speaking of dreams, two nights ago I had a dream with Adam Levine in it WOOP WOOP! once again - NOT A DIRTY DREAM. Yknw Lim Supermarket in mt albert? Yeah, I was there and I was like, with friends and we were doing weed or something in a car in the carpark (yeahidk...) and then I saw Adam Levine with a big marching band and he was at the back, and I was all like, "ohmygod! can i get your autograph?" and he was like "um no, I have to go sing with the marching band obviously" and i was totally gutted. But then after a while, an announcer thing said that Adam Levine and Avril Lavigne (probably together cuz their names sound familiar) were doing autograph signings in the supermarket building, and there was a big table with pamphlets at the entry that we had to take and I took one and ran in to meet Adam. I was all like "OMG I LOVE YOU YOU'RE SO AWESOME I LOVE YOUR BAND AND ALL OF YOUR SONGS" and he was like "oh yeah which is ur favourite song?" and then took my pamphlet and flipped it to the back where it said "top 5 maroon 5 songs" where I had left it blank because I was in a hurry to met him and didnt bother with filling out the pamphlet, and he gave me this disappointed look and I was like, well shit. I then asked to take a photo with him and he was like, okay, so I gave me camera to Maria and she took the photo at this really weird angle and crouched down and to the side so that the photo only had the underside of my face and only half of adams face. I got all pissed at her and was like "MARIA WTF YOU CANT EVEN SEE ADAM'S FACE IN HERE!" and she was like "I did it to try to make you look pretty!" and i was like -_____-"