buttons' buttons

watching curious case of benjamin button at the moment. its really good!

sweet baby jesus brad pitt is hot.
i know he's like, 47, but DAMN.

i never really used to think he was but this movies changed my mind.
i think its the fact that he was wearing a leather jacket and riding a motorbike.

OHMYGOD GUYS I THINK I HAVE A THING FOR GUYS IN LEATHER JACKETS.

damon salvatore/ian somerhalder ring a bell? hahahahahawhaaaaaat.

wow, ignore me. i'm hormonal.



question: how old was benjamin when he went to that brothel? i feel like he was like, 8, so i was kinda like :O when it happened.

this movies really good.

rude awakening.

WHAT THE FUCK. THERES ONLY ONE MORE DAY OF HOLIDAYS?!

holy crap schools just quietly sneaking up and went BAM! i haven't finished any holiday homework, i havent finished remodelling my wall of posters, i haven't got my graphics calculator, i haven't studied, i haven't watch as many movies as i wanted too.

WHAT HAPPENED THESE 3 WEEKS?! MY GOD.

since like, the 2nd week of term two, i've been eagerly waiting for the holidays and now i feel like it just went like , whooshing past my head and now its time to go back to school again.

SHIT.

adolescent years not living up to standards.

sometimes i wish my life was a little more exciting and i was more of a rebel, like, yknw, partying and breaking the law and shit.

being a good girl gets boring, haha.

things better pick up when I'm 16....

boredom makes me creative.

my internet crashed and has been dead since 11am yesterday. i'm using my brother's phone internet connection right now. guys, i seriously went crazy yesterday. 

the lack of things to do on my computer meant that i ended up using my freaking nail polish as art supplies. and that grey spot in the middle is burnt paper and its ashes ahahhaha. 

i had this like, desperate need to check my facebook/blog. omg guys it was crazy annoying.

i just went driving with my brother for one and a half hours before and we went around small roads and stuff. I'M GETTING SO MUCH BETTER OMG IT WAS SO FUN! he only let me go around 30km/h though :(

everytime another car came towards me i would freak the fuck out hahaha. but i got used to it. WEEEEE DRIVING!!! :D

still procrastinating.

^most common 'searches' on my blog (lol yeah the highest one is 4...)

um guise.....  what are people hoping to find on my blog?........ D:

procrastination at it's finest.

so, i'm starting on my reading response thats due for english class, and my word document is still a blank piece of (virtual) paper, and i realised, when i looked at the template for writing these responses, that it's so much easier for me to think about something rather than feel something. on the template it says that we should write 60 words for the 'thinking' part, and 120 words for the 'feeling' part. granted, i never stick to this word approximation because my responses usually become 1000+ word essays, but basically, the template means that we're supposed to write double the amount  for your 'feeling' section that you write for your 'thinking' section. but i always write less in the feeling section. I guess this is because when i try to explain how i feel, i can never do it very well. There are only so many adjectives you can use before you start sounding like a thesaurus, and usually when i want to describe how I feel on the internet, it's either done by a gif or a "ADBFPA;ONF;SADPOFN;SDIOF" smashing of the keyboard.

on the other hand, when you describe how a moment in the book made you THINK, you can write a lot more. take this blogpost, for example. this is all the things that I'm thinking, translated onto paper  a post. I'm not feeling all of this. When you want me to discuss how this book made me think, I can go on and on, because that's why I read the book, and that's what good books should make you do: they should make you think! Saying that, good books should also make you feel something, but in most cases, the feeling is sympathy or empathy for the character(s), and I don't really feel like writing how I feel fucking sorry for these characters and blah blah again, after doing it in my last two responses. I guess I could write about pride, or sadness or what the fuck ever, but ugh. i dont even.... A[SDPFOMSD;FODSLF

^ see thats how I describe how I'm feeling. I'm hopeless, haha.

if you think about it (haha see? THINK) feeling is just thinking, but more sure and more... um, intense? IDK haha. like, you could say you THINK something bad is going to happen, and you could say you FEEL that something bad is going to happen. Maybe because thinking is linked to your brain, whereas feeling is linked to your heart? even though thats not actually correct because in reality, feelings are from your brain as well, because your brain controls everything you do.

I'm confusing myself now, haha.

maybe the reason I find it's easier to write about what i think about rather than what i'm feeling is because I'm more of a logical person than an emotional person? But that's not right, because most of the time, I follow my heart (CHEESYYY) and I'm incredibly emotional, since I cry, laugh, smile, get angry, etc incredibly easily.

ohmygod that reminds me of the movie four lions. has anyone seen it? it's so like, mindfucking hahahah. it's really funny, only because you laugh at the absurdity of it all. it's a movie about these four terrorists, and it sounds dark but they're all dumbasses except for one slightly smarter guy who's the lead character. there's this part where one of the really dumb guys is feeling unsure on whether he wants to follow through with the terrorist attack (they were going to go suicide bombing at a fun-run) and the smart guy (lets call him X) is like "well, listen to your heart. what does your heart say?" and the dumb guy (Y) is like "...my heart says this is wrong, but my brain says i should do this" and X says "..... uh, well see, you're confused, k? you've confused ur heart up with your brain. they swapped over. so your heart is really your brain and your brain is your heart. so, um, follow your heart!"

okay when i type it out its not funny but in the movie it was like OMG LOLWTF LOLOL.

different scene but still funny as fuck:

OKAY OKAY OKAY.
MUST. WRITE. RESPONSE!

turn..... STRAIGHT! ...turn.... TURN!! TUURNN!!!!!!! BRAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WENT DRIVING!! WOOOOHH! (convinced my mum lol)
this time was soooo much better, ahmagahd. we went to the same park place, and NOW IM PRO AT TURNING WOOP WOOP. im getting better at braking as well, and i can drive in straight lines now after turning. teehee.

there was this couple in a car in the parking lot, and i was just driving circuits scarily near their car, and they just stayed in their car probably lol'ing at my mad lack of skillz and also praying that i wouldnt crash into their car, haha.

but anyway, i can totally turn, and drive in straight lines now! YEAAAAAAH.




i'm gonna make a 'vicky's driving adventures' label considering i have so many posts just about driving...

i really want to go driving again today but my mums refusing to take me :(

i think she's still slightly traumatized from the last time.

a post with gifs because i can't even describe the emotions i'm feeling.

BEST DAY EVER GUISE. SRSLY. BEST DAY.

oh, why? you may ask.
mainly because... I GOT MY LEARNERS LICENSE YEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

basically, i woke up (at 2pm, cough) and i check my phone and i see i have two texts: one about having a voicemail, and one text message from an unknown number that started off with 'hi your new...'. and i was like OMG THIS IS THE TEXT ABOUT THE GLASSES OMGOMGOMG. so i opened the text message but my phone completely froze because its shit as, so i took out the battery, put it back in and restarted it. and it froze again when i tried to open the message and i had to take out the battery and restart it LITERALLY 4 times, but i tried to be patient about it because i had a feeling that it was about me getting my glasses, so i was in a good mood. ANYWAY, i finally open the meessage, and sure enough, it was about my glasses being ready and i seriously freaked and was like

and ran out of my room yelling out to my mum that my glasses were done. she thought i said 'my eyes are healed' because in chinese, glasses and eyes are the same word, and done and healed are the same word, so she was like WTF?! and im like, no no i mean, the glasses glasses. but she wasnt as excited as me....

ANYWAY, this meant that once i got my glasses, i could immediately go get my learners license. my glasses only took 2 working days to make and send here all the way from sydney!!! AHHHH BLESS THAT RECEPTIONIST. SHE IS SERIOUSLY THE SWEETEST 'STRANGER' I HAVE EVER MET. she marked it as 'urgent' which is why i got it so early. srsly. just ...

 she asked me to go back and show her my license after i got it, but when i got it, their store was closed already :( 

so, i bought my L's from a $2 shop and i pleaded with my mum to let my drive since i had waited so long and didnt want to wait any longer, so we went to this carpark area that was beside a park near my old house for my first time at the wheel ever!! i remembered that place cuz when i was really little and my brother would babysit me, he would take mums car down there and drive recklessly around the carpark with no hands and dragging and shit. hahaha.

my first time at the wheel. oh my friggin god. 

so, i start the engine and im just like, so fucking happy that i'm gonna drive (no one ever told me that tonnes of people learn how to drive before they get their licenses!! WTF GUYS!!!) and my mum tells me to put my foot on the brake while i change the PRNDL and im like, k whattevs, and after i do it, i let go of the brake AND THE CAR STARTS MOTHERFUCKING MOVING AND IM JUST FREAKING OUT CUZ I WASNT EVEN PRESSING THE GAS OR WHATEVER and i slammed the brakes really hard and my mum like, lurched right into the dashboard ahahahhaha. 

i kept trying out the brake but everytime i did it, no matter how softly it was done, we'd still lurch a little in our seats and i was like OMGGGGGGG I SUCK AT DRIVING I CANT EVEN BRAAAKEE, but at the same time i was laughing my fucking ass off. seriously, it was the funniest experience ever. especially cuz i wasnt even pressing the gas pedal, i was just doing circuits around the carpark and like, turning the steering wheel right to the end and my mum was doing a mixture of freaking the fuck out and laughing at me cuz i was turning so hard that my arms were crossing over and she was like WTF ARE U DOING VICKY, and i'm like MA I'M DRIVING LOOK IM DRIVING!!! and there were like, 2 cars in the carpark and i was so worried about crashing into them. AND FUCK YOU JADE i soooo could drive in a straight line!!! 

i dont think i went over 5km/h cuz everytime i wud use the gas pedal i wud freak out from how fast i was going hahahahaha.

oh yeah and my glasses make me look extremely nerdy haha. not even chic-geek, just geek, haha, nor is it like 'sexy librarian', it's more like, plain old librarian sans the sexy. i would take a photo but im using my computer in the dark right now cuz im sposed to be asleep and the webcam doesnt pick up ANYTHING. might post a pic another day though.

another reason today was the best day ever was cuz of the release of the BREAKING DAWN HONEYMOON CLIP THAT WAS AT COMIC CON OMG GUYS.

okay, if you've ever been a crazy fangirl like me, you'd understand this, even if you're fandom is harry potter or whatever. so, the days after the breaking dawn panel at comic con, other (more obsessed) fans like me were hunting down the honeymoon clip that they showed, but NO ONE COULD FIND THE BLOODY THING because NO ONE UPLOADED IT! there was only a stupid audio recording of it which was even more torturous cuz u cud hear music and stuff but u had no idea why the audience was screaming/wolf whistling/awwing. anyway, meilin tells me to go check out her link on facebook, and i put it off cuz im on the phone with sueyeon and meilin doesnt do a very good job on convincing me to see her link, but eventually i go onto her profile,click on the link AND REALISE ITS THE CLIP!!! 

and i freak. the fuck. out. 

....and sueyeons still on the phone wondering why i'm screaming and freaking out. and this continued for like, a minute, until i calmed down to explain that its the breaking dawn clip and yada yada and shes just like "oh. okay." and im like >>;; hold up for a minute, i must watch this.

and tbh it was kinda anticlimatic looool. i'd already heard and read about what happened in the clip and the clip was very bad quality, but I WAS STILL VERY VERY HAPPY!!

and then we had lobster for dinner :B

i got shit pieces BUT STILL!

and cruel intentions was on tv :D

guys seriously.

best fucking day ever.

on a shittier note, i havent actually done any holiday homework. at all. none. zero. 

i tried to start on my personal reading response and opened word and a new document and shit, but then i got distracted by, well, the internet. and then later that night i was going thru all my windows and saw that doc window open and was like 

and i was actually gonna do it tonight in bed, but i got distracted by your mum  this blog post.

and this is why i blog....

um, okay. look, all of you complaining about how st cuths is a shit school, lemme tell you this.

i bet most or even all of you have never been to a low decile public school. so it really pisses me off when you talk about how shit the education is at st cuths. You've been in private school or decile 9/10 schools your whole life and you think St Cuths is shit, when really, it's an extremely good school. I consider myself lucky as hell to have gotten into st cuths, and i freaking love this school. The school is beautiful, the teachers actually care about how you do, and (most of) the people here that you're surrounded by are really good and aren't necessarily a bad influence.

I know i complain about a couple of teachers sometimes, but its only because I don't think that they're good enough teachers considering we pay so much on school fees. They're still a heck of a lot better that some teachers I've had before in other schools. In year 8, after my first day at St Cuths, I said to my dad in the car on the way home "I actually learnt something today". In year 7, I literally learnt NOTHING at all the whole year, because of the teachers only teaching material suitable for the lowest ability group in our class, since they were the majority (as horrible as that sounds)

I'm actually so frustrated right now I am near tears. Tears of freaking frustration. You people complaining about St Cuths and wanting to leave it are so. damn. stuck up. You are taking what you have for granted. You complain about not learning anything in St Cuths, but really, it's not the teachers fault, its YOURS for barely putting any effort in. The teachers here are actually really good and they teach you based on your abilities. That said, the teacher can't do the work for you. You can't expect to get through life being spoon fed.

You take all the resources St Cuths supply for you for granted. We have really good facilities compared to some other schools, and really great extracurriculars. seriously, the extracurriculars at st cuths could be one of the best things about this school, in my opinion. I don't think your time spent in school is just about studying and passing tests. I think school is a time for getting to know yourself and the things you're good at, and giving everything a try, because there's not much to lose. School is a time for you to find out who you are and making yourself a cultured, good person, which is why st cuths puts such an emphasis on service since school is a time to train you to become the person you want to be when you're older. the thing about AIC is, (and the principal himself said this) they don't care about your extracurriculars - they only focus on your studies and your test results, which means that after you graduate, you haven't really gotten your full experience in school.

You complain about the silly school rules that St Cuths has, like, needing to tie up your hair, wear blazers, not wear cardigans, no earrings, and all i can say to this is: YOU ARE FUCKING RETARDED. and i mean that in the nicest way possible. Are you seriously using those reasons as an excuse? were you hoping to convince me by using THOSE reasons? You can't fucking BEAR having to tie your hair up, wear your blazer, not wear your cardigan or earrings for SIX HOURS A DAY, five times a week, for only part of the year? for EIGHTEEN HOURS a day, all weekends, and all of the holidays, you can wear your hair however you like, forget about your blazer and wear all the motherfucking cardigans and earrings you want. and thats for five years. ONLY FIVE YEARS OUT OF THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN OF 80 YEARS. suck it up and dont you dare use it as an excuse. it doesnt prevent you from being individual. you think you express your individuality through your clothes? PUHLEASE. you buy your clothes from supre, glassons, cotton on, or etc much like the rest of the 70% of the teenage girl population. Your clothes dont express your fucking individuality. and like i said before. wear whatever you want for the rest of your life, cuz its only six hours a day for five years.

I dont really want to say anything about cambridge because really, there isnt much to talk about. You're so set on how cambridge is soooo much better than ncea that you are completely blinded by your ignorance. Cambridge isn't necessarily better than NCEA. Cambridge syllabus hasn't been updated in like, a fucking century, and the teaching style is outdated. You're just hearing what other people are saying about Cambridge and deciding that it's better than NCEA, when really, you haven't looked at any facts. St Cuths is a really really fucking good school for NCEA since we get some of the highest scores in the country, so I have no idea why you're complaining about NCEA, since there are tonnes of people who do NCEA and graduate from St Cuths and become very very successful.



Okay I think I'm done.

glasses and gore

oh, so here's some depressing news.

went to the optometrist. i have astigmatism in one eye (meh google it) so the optometrist said i have to wait until i get my glasses before i can get my license, instead of being able to take a certificate to AA and have it done, like i was told. Glasses take 5- 10 working days. In 7 working days, It'll be august 1st and thats when the new law on the driving age is implemented, which means that if i dont get my glasses in 7 working days, I've wasted 200 and something bucks on glasses, 90 bucks on the learners test, and will have to wait another whole frickin year to get my learners.

so, well. yeah.

fuck my fucking life.

the receptionist lady there was so so nice! she was hilarious haha. she marked my order as 'urgent' and said she'd keep me updated with texts and stuff.

i've got a really boring pair of glasses haha. they're really simple ones with thin frames cuz i dont think i suit thick frames. i was gonna get those geek-chic ones that are pretty popular atm but i though they stood out too much in my face and i didn't really suit them either.

i'm trying not to think about the glasses/learners license situation too much. too depressing :(


i'm watching black hawk down right now. oh my golly gosh so many people die in this movie. so much blood! is it really really sick that i kinda like the blood and gore shit? i guess i like movies that force a reaction from me, whether its tears or a disgusted face haha. i think i'm also like, desensitizing myself to gross spillage of blood for later when i become a surgeon :)

the feeling of being left behind

it's one of the worst in the world.


so, my whole fucking asian group is breaking up right now.
not even from arguments or anything. SO MANY PEOPLE ARE LEAVING ST CUTHS.

rebecca got accepted to ACG today, which means shes not coming back in term 3.
maria's taking the entrance test to AIC on friday, and theres a 98.99% chance she'll get in.
rachel said she's leaving to ACG as well, and a lot of people have left our group or just drifted away.

As Cathee said to me on facebook:
EVEN EMOTICONS CAN'T EXPRESS THE LEVEL OF DISTRESS I FEEL.


I kinda want to go to AIC as well, but I'm on the fence about it because all the ass kissing I've done at St Cuths so far would be in vain. Haha. But AIC sounds like a good school for SATs and if you want to go to America for university. I'll go if I can get a scholarship, I guess.

So, er, can any yr13s (cough winnie, yujie) tell me whether St Cuths has any SAT prep or stuff like that?

i just had my first experience with raw oysters

it felt like fear factor.
and when I finally got the guts to chomp it down, it tasted just like muscles so idk what all the fuss about oysters is about.



so, on thursday last week i went to take my learners test and i nearly failed it (i got 3 wrong, which is the maximum) holy crap man, i was under so much pressure cuz i got 3 wrong at question 19 and there were 35 questions in total so i was like ... SHIT.

anyway, i passed, but i couldn't get my license cuz i failed the eye test. who knew i'm pretty much blind in my right eye, aye? it was really embarrassing. my parents were pissed haha. i went to the doctors yesterday and they just did one of those 'stand away from the paper with the letters and read em out' tests and my left eye was pretty sweet but my right eye could barely read the second line. :S i never noticed because my left eye is doing all the work for my right eye, so i've been able to see. but now i have to wear glasses as i drive :(

well, just as my mum and I were leaving the doctors office, this guy stops me and he's all like, "the receptionist told you to go to that place on dominion road? don't go there. i went there and bought these glasses for 800 bucks whereas this place near the foodtown in mt eden only cost 200 bucks." and we were like "omg thank you u just saved us 600 bucks kthxbai!" thinking that this guy was such a nice person.

and then we went to the place that the receptionist suggested and the eye tests thingy were only 30 bucks. but then the place that the guy suggested costed 65 bucks. -______-"

me and my mum think that the guy probably worked at the place or something and wanted some new customers.

ANYWAY. I've got an appointment tmrw and i'm just gonna get the certificate that says i'm getting glasses AND THEN I'M GOING TO THE AA OFFICE AND IM GONNA GET MY FRICKIN LEARNERS LICENSE FYEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! :D

finally.

WHY DOES NO ONE POST ON BLOGSPOT ANYMORE?!

I feel so alone D:

Life.

Is this it?







From a fanfic (shh dont judge me):

"I'm lucky. I'm doing fantastic. I made it.  

I'm where I'm supposed to be. Where I always wanted to be.

Living the life I fought to have. 

Being the person I was always meant to be. 

And that's all that matters. Nothing else should. 

Especially not the tiny, barely discernible question that lingers in the back of my mind.

Is this it?"

And that really made me think. In future, after i've worked so hard, sacrificed so much, and if i finally get what i've been dreaming of for my whole life, what if it isn't what it's all cracked out to be? What if it's a total let down? What if, in the end, it wasn't even worth it?

I cant even decide if that's a scarier thought than the possibility of failing.

ever had one of those toxic friends that you really really really want and need to get rid of but you cant because theyre friends with your friends?

i have.

nainai

My granny brought a couple of dvds of tv series from China, including Hannah Montana season 1-4.

ohmygod. why. omg. i lol'd.

she also got big bang theory season 1-4 which is pretty fail cuz we already have big bang theory. lol. but she got drop dead diva seasons 1-2 which is pretty good cuz i like drop dead diva! :)

i reallyreallyreally wished she got like, pretty little liars or how i met your mother or something. i really want to watch them!!! guess thats my fault for not telling her. :/

SHE (and my maternal granny who's still in china) GAVE ME SO MUCH MONEY OMG I LOVE THEMMMMMMMM!!!

this song.

oh my gosh.

THIS FUCKING SONG!

it's so beewteeful :O
dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry...

(plus its in my range so i can sing it. omg should i sing this  for talent quest or something? andoifskdfsdf i love this song sfm)

so, i was minding my own business on wikipedia, when...

basically, you could say i've been having a pretty shitty week.

I don't even want to talk about it.

ugh, everythings falling to pieces!!!

i think i failed my maths graph test on friday - as in, actual NA fail, not "oh i'm asian hey look i got an M, my life is over" kinda fail. i'm just hoping i don't get moved down a class...

i had a pretty big argument with a friend, which i'm feeling pretty bad about but i'm too stubborn and wussy (and tbh, exhausted) to say anything.

i found out that maria's changing schools (WTF) and found out today that like, the majority of the asian group are going to be changing schools as well!? (WTFWTF?!) 

my dad flipped his shit on me and now i'm just ignoring him cuz i'm still pissed that he got all angus at me.

and tomorrow my grandmas coming from China to live with us. .... yay. -_-" (i know thats a horrible reaction but ughh, i love her, really.)

lets play a game on listing all the shitty emotions Vicky has felt for the past... hmmm... five days?

rejection, replacement, betrayal, being left behind, not having anyone believe in me, anger, sadness, uselessness, desperation, shock, regret, disgust, hopelessness, boredom, panic, laziness, dread, bitterness.

is that all?

probably not.

but i have a feeling i'm boring you anyway with my pathetic, sad blogging.

what else do you expect from a pathetic sad girl?

i think i might bake cookies tomorrow.

just came across this again...

http://vickyahhh.blogspot.com/2010/11/ian-fucking-somerhadler.html

omg hahahaha i completely forgot about that. i lol'd.

ILOVEEYOUUUGUYSSS!!!!

all of you made my birthday so special.

I FELT SO LOVED :B
but yeah, thanks! you guys rock. today was awesome cuz of all of you who gave me hugs, smiles, presents and birthday wishes.

i mean, it was embarrassing but, at the same time i ttly loved it hahaha. 

so... fifteen now. it sounds so old! gah.

wait, fail, i'm posting this on 6th of july instead of 5th cuz its after midnight (AHAHAH SEE WHAT I DID THERE). so technically, thanks for yesterday?


you guys make my insides goeey like marshmallows from smiling too hard. I LOVEE YOUUUU ALLLLL!!!

random fact #1

I am a major sucker for sunsets.

eyegasms when i see pretty sunsets. like, tonights one is really freakin perfect with all the colours and cloud layers and textures and the moon is just sitting up there high in the sky, just chillin' and waxed and stuff. (i think its waxing? it's in the shape of a little cute smiley face or whatevs)

Yesterdays:

Todays:

Lalalalala saturation is up at like maximum cuz idc I JUST WANT YOU TO EXPERIENCE THE PRETTY COLOURS WITH ME!

stupid camera unable to take nice photos with the proper colours :(

but yeah, the sunsets these few days have been KERAZY! tonight, the skys on fire!

just a fascination of mine....

so, that makes a total of three posts on this blog dedicated to sunsets.

lol, i dont know why anyone reads this shit.

oh haha wait.

they don't.

life's a tragedy

because in the end, we all die.

pathetic whinging and a happy fucking birthday to me.

I get that my reason for being so miserable atm is extremely petty and not at all a big issue, but to me it is, and i know it's such a stupid thing to be so upset about, but I can't really help it. Yeah, I know that people around the world are starving and homeless and orphaned, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be upset about things that make me upset, even though they're really stupid things that even I know are things that sound incredibly shallow and superficial and just, not worth my time. So, just bear with me while you read this, mmkay?

I don't even know what's going on with me right now. I spent all of yesterday and today being depressed as fuck and like a zombie. I think it's mainly because my birthday's coming up on Tuesday and really, i'm not excited at all. It's actually really weird.

Every year, my birthday is always a big thing to me. I always have a party, and when i was little, i would start planning my party two months before my actual birthday. I don't know if it's just me growing up, or whatever but this year it just doesn't feel very special. My parents, my brother - they never consider their birthday to be a big event, and probably wouldn't even mention it if it wasnt for me making a big deal of it. This year, I acutally completely forgot about my birthday, and it was my brother who reminded me. I guess one of the reasons I'm really dreading my birthday is that I always put it on such a high pedestal, as in, I always want the day to be perfect. Call me self centered, but to me, my birthday is the one day it's about me, and I feel like I HAVE to have fun on that day. So, when I don't have fun that day, it just makes it THAT much shittier.

Another reasons i'm feeling really depressed is that I have this bitch of a pimple on my nose. (This may be TMI, but whatever, cuz nobody reads my blog anyway and it's basically just a ranting space.) Anyway, it just appeared out of nowhere Friday night, and I actually was THIS close from bursting into tears cuz it is huge and swollen and makes my nose look gigantic. it's like, one of those really deep pimples? like, not a bump above the skin but like, a big swollen bitch. and it really really hurts. and yesterday, i let my mum acupuncturize me because i was so desperate for it to go away (i dont want the picture on my learners license to be a picture of me as rudolf the fucking red nose reindeer). Anyway, in order to make it go away she had to do a couple of points that she warned me would hurt quite a bit, so i was like D: fuck, oaky, just make it go away. I was just so fucking miserable that when she did them, even though they didn't hurt that much, I just bawled my eyes out. For like, twenty minutes. Full out sobbing. I dont even.... know. Argh. Plus, it made me have a major headache, so, yay (!) my day just got that much better.
-______-"

I was arranging to go out with my group on my birthday after school, because I don't really want to spend the day alone and being a sad antisocial gayfuck, and we were going to watch Transformers 3 cuz i'm really extremely excited for it. Anyway, turns out that only one person can make it.

Srsly, wtf.

I don't even care about presents this year. I'm not having a party, I don't really give a fuck. I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME. I reorganized the movie thing so that it was on saturday, so hopefully more people can go, but no ones replied yet and it's just making me even more depressed.

And i'm not having a cake...? I've never had a birthday where I haven't had a cake before. I guess I could just buy a random cake. And stick a couple of candles on it. A birthday without candles isn't a birthday at all.

Maybe I'll take a cake to school on Tuesday.

/shrug.