Leading GREEN TEAM

13/02/2014

Fun fact:

In Year 7, I tried for House Captain at Mt Roskill. It was one of the only legit leadership positions available at intermediate. I wrote an amazing speech, thought I was relatively popular, and had people I barely knew come up to me afterwards saying they'd voted for me.

I really thought I would get it.

But I didn't get House Captain that year. And I... was... devastated. It was the end of the world. I thought: what's the point if I spend the whole important year of Y8, leaders of the school, as a nobody?

That, combined with me being put into the worst teacher in the world's class for year 8 was all too much for my 12 year old brain and heart to handle. I cried at morning tea and I wasn't the only one who was majorly upset about their Y8 class. It really sucked. My parents sympathized. My dad made a call to St Cuth's and they gave me an interview time.

If you think about it, it all turned out for the better.

*~*~*~every closed door opens a new window*~*~*~

I came to St Cuths, and I sat in quiet new-girl shyness as I watched as Anna and Liv R and others do their house captain speeches on green cue cards in 8WA. I remember the first day of St Cuths where Mrs Walls got us to do a writing exercise comparing the art of writing to gardening. I remember discussing this topic and reading my mini dissertation out to the class from my silver sparkly durasealed not-even-a-1B5. I remember telling my dad in the car when he picked me up that for once, I actually felt like I had learnt something at school. It had been so long (a whole year of wasting my time at roskill as I was left to do independent study on topics I had mastered already while the teacher neglected me) since I had felt like I had learnt something. It's true that any sane person wants to be challenged. Sure you enjoy breezing through everything in the beginning but after a while, you want to use your brain for something.

But I digress. I still remember Liv in her green tutu. I remember digging around my mum's wardrobe for green clothes for athletics day. I remember wearing a maxi skirt as a cape and being "leaf girl" while Sarah-Ann Hardacre wore stapled leaves to her shirt and she determined she was "tree woman" or something like that.

Superheroes became a theme for the years in the senior school in which I brought my ever-popular Hulk gloves. My brother's, really, but I use them more than he does (or ever will) at this point.

And I just spent about an hour researching costume sites trying to find an epic costume for this year because not only am I year 13 (hence, time to go all out for all school events) but---

wait for it...

I'M HOUSE CAPTAIN!

*FIREWORKS*

*explosions in the distance*

*sudden screaming*

*a baby wails*

*sirens approaching*

*screaming escalates*

See how everything just went full circle there?



So, onto our three things:

(before I start this actually I'm going to point out that I've found myself dangerously hovering along the edge of a cliff that overlooks a pit of negativity and shittiness -- and it's only 2nd week back -- so I'm glad this high has come right in time to swoop me from the precipice and back into the sunshine!)

1. the house captain thing

alrighty, so elaine gave faizah a call saying that faizah got service committee and she mentioned my name too but she didn't know what i got so izzy ran into the bio class (this was after school had just finished) and was like U GOT SERVICE LEADER and i was like omg wait what????? and obviously rather taken aback bcs i did not know where this had come from and didnt want to get my hopes up in case it was false information. I then went to library where i got a text from cherry saying a lot of things in caps lock and something along the lines of CONGRATS ON ELGIN HOUSE CAPTAIN!!! and i was like ?????????????? how do u know what is happening PLS EXPLIQUEZ SVP!!!! and apparently there was a meeting that our p6 teachers were supposed to tell us about (DIEGS!!!!!) at 3:20 in the staff room where they read out the committee/house leaders' roles. Hearing this rather reliable source of information that is when I started freaking out and celebrating and Cerys and Nadia were there and were freaking out with me and I think we freaked out some other students in the library but in a different "freak" to our freak....

I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS AND SO MUCH OF IB GOT LEADERSHIP ROLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I ENJOY CELEBRATING MY OWN ACCOMPLISHMENTS SO MUCH MORE IF I CAN CELEBRATE OTHERS' ACCOMPLISHMENTS AT THE SAME TIME LET US ALL SUCCEED TOGETHER!!!!!!

2. WIT

I had my meeting with Ms Moy after school (before cherry's text and after elaine's call where i was confused) and we had our discussion and she had very little to correct from my WIT essay and it was all just grammatical things involving preopositions and I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE I CAN BASICALLY FORGET ABOUT WIT FROM NOW ON OMG YES 20% OF ENG GRADE DONE AND DUSTED!!!! 

Also we discussed my surgery lol finally she acknowledges it. Speaking of which I ran into ms ballenden coming down the stairs and I waved and she waved and went really " :O :D " on me and was liek "IS THAT VICKY OH I THOUGHT IT WAS U " and i was like YAH but like i said hi to her yesterday so she obviosuly didnt recognize me there hahahaha and we had a chat about our holidays and my surgery as well. Raaya this segment was for u xoxo

3. Creepy Texts

I'm sure izzy wont mind me blogging about this since i have a very limited audience, but we were discussing her relationship w boyf at lunch and so we thought we'd try to creep him out and so she gave me his number and i've been sending texts a la the "u have now subscribed to cat facts" meme (if u havent seen it, GO AND CHECK IT OUT HERE: http://weknowmemes.com/2012/01/thank-you-for-signing-up-for-cat-facts/ )

But instead it's like "you have now subscribed to Daily Bigio updates" and then a sneaky-stalker-shot of Izzy from far away as she feigns doing work/being unaware of my camera. It is FAB i tell u. 

I have choir tmrw and it's nearly 1am and i'm going to DIE

Under The Knife (And The Week That Followed)

Why, hello there, did you miss me? I would start this blogpost off with an apology about how I've been neglecting this blog, ONCE AGAIN but I will not because it seems a bit same-old-same-old at this point.

So it's been exactly one week since my surgery (when I first wrote this post, but now it's two weeks since my surgery, ha), and I'm feeling MUCH better.

A little recap of the healing (and surgery) process for your entertainment:

Day 1

The night before my surgery it was really difficult for me to fall asleep - understandable, I guess. When we got to the hospital, they weighed me and measured my height (158.5 FUCK YEAH MOTHERFUCKER I'D ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS 157!!!!!!) and then did administrative stuff with a nurse who was such a fucking CHARACTER omg what a gb i love her i want to go back and get her flowers or something!!! Met anaesthesiologist, he was a good laugh (i swear all anaesthesiologists i've ever met have been super good sports and really hilar?) and then went up to another ward that was less friendly-looking to get all my iv injections in. After that, I got carted into the operating theatre and my mum came with (cuz i asked her to for moral support) and as I was lying there getting my oxygen mask strapped on I think she freaked and was like "OK VICKY LOVE U MUMMY'S GONNA GO NOW" and gapped it hahahaha.

Anaesthesia is a funny thing. The nurses/anaesthetist had been talking to me and I'd been replying, and as the anaesthesia went in, I tried to say something but although my brain was still working I physically could not speak and it was like the connection between my brain and body had split and I'm pretty sure in those 2 seconds my last thought before I went totally out was either "what the fuuuuck" or "MURAKAMI".

Next minute, I'm awake in a hospital room and my mum and brother are on the seats next to my bed.

The surgery took 10 hours (2 hours longer than expected) and yes, they had to use my pelvic bone, as they had predicted.

That first night was a total raging BIIIIIIITCH and I was so uncomfortable and had very little ability to talk. I basically could not sleep for the whole night and I remember getting really pissed off at my inability to sleep since I needed my body to heeeeaaaaallll!!!! There was a blood pressure pump thingy strapped to my arm and it would go off periodically in the night and squeeze the living shit outta my arm - not that it woke me up at all since I WASN'T FOKIN SLEEPING!!!! Honestly that wasn't even the worst parts of my night. I couldn't sleep in any position but on my back due to the three drains of blood coming out of my goddamn body - one on my pelvis and two on either sides of my neck, meaning I couldnt turn my neck without having a very scary tugging sensation and risk disconnecting the tubes from my body and having my blood just, idk, fountain out?? sorry, graphic. i'm not really squeamish about blood and it's odd that instead I was getting some heavy vampire diaries vibes from the litre kathmandu-like bottles at the end of those drains that were filled with about 5cm of blood each. sorry,...graphic??

anyway, the nurse came in multiple times throughout the night and I obviously could not express myself coherently so I had to type things on my phone and then show them to her and it was shit like "can i get another pillow please" and "can you give me some sort of drug that helps me sleep" (I was pretty desperate) and "sorry to bother but is there an electrical outlet? I need to charge my phone please" etc etc. There was a movie on but it was a shitty one that I'd already watched at mei's with paul rudd and jennifer aniston (and it hurt my brain to watch such a bright screen) so I had no relief from my insomnia. At one point I heard a popping sound and my mouth filled with blood and I was like sHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT MY DRAINS ARE OUT THIS AINT GOOD and rang in the nurse and she was like gurl chill ur drains are fine and i was like mmkay sis

so yeah, rough night.

Day 2

I finally got some sleep at around 6am and was woken up by the nurse at 7:30am and I was like erhghghghhg but not actually tired.... huh. 

My friends are fantastic, did you know that? Like, they are the BESTEST friends in the world!!! I was in the shower when Izzy first came at 11am, and the poor thing had to wait for 30 minutes as I moved at snails pace trying to cleanse myself. She brought me beautiful flowers and a card and the black shorts from mirrou that i asked for (and that i wear all the time now). Then Faizah came, and so did Jade who brought lovely flowers as well! And Sophie and Cathee who brought flowers and Charlie who brought a Tropical tank (gb) and Breaking Bad S1, and Josh and Sueyeon who brought a Christmas pot plant (lol ma homie) and Steph who made me 2 FRIGGIN MIX CDS OMG KINGSY I CANNOT GET OVER UR ALTERNATIVENESS IT SLAAAAAAAAYS! Hm who else came...? I hope I didn't miss anyone out. I'm writing this on the 26th because I suck so now I can't remember anything...Oh, right, my brother and Amy came and they brought me a Berry Tank and another pillow (if you're staying in a hospital, tip: take your own blankets and pillows omg) and some more comfortable clothing.

I got quite tired and eventually everyone left, and I had a nap until later in the evening, when my mum came. I hobbled over to visit Victoria who was on the same floor as me but in a different ward, and chatted with her for a while. Her recovery seemed to be much more bed-bound than mine, which probably isn't very fun. Went back to my room and had dinner while The Hunger Games was on TV which I thought was very coincidental and super gr9 for me. Meilin came to visit, then Joanna and Mei came together as well. SO MANY PEOPLE VISITED ME WOW I FEEL SO SPECIAL :B

Doctors and nurses said I had to stay for another night in the hospital, sigh.

Day 3

I got discharged in the morning and then had to go to the surgeon's office to get checked up on and take photos and etc. Got home, slept a lot, was hungry and uncomfortable.

Days 4-5

Basically these days (and Day 3) sucked quite a bit because the hunger was hitting me hard and I was having  actual dreams of eating cheeseburgers and/or getting toffee stuck in my teeth, SO BASICALLY LOTS OF DREAMS ABOUT FOOD. Watched a lot of TV and who knew that fast food restaurants took up such a large proportion of TV advertisements daaaaamn.... I also had to eat with my syringe for all these days and had a really small appetite for everything due to the syringe/the food looking like puke and tasting like ass/the drugs hindering my appetite. Woke up every morning with the world's worst headache that rendered me paralysed in my bed until my mum came in with the panadol. Took like, 3 naps a day and was absolutely smashed by 11pm everyday. It wasn't a good first 5 days guys hahaha it really wasn't.

Days 6-7 and onwards

By this time I'd come off the antibiotics and was totally skipping ibuprofen because that shit nasty (it's the liquid version and it tastes like dead people drenched in sugar). By day 7 I stopped panadol too (because I could) but before that happened I had worked out a nice method of syringing the panadol and putting it on my bedside table the night before, so that in the morning I just had to syringe it into my mouth and go back to bed and 20 minutes later when I woke up I wouldn't have a pounding headache. Should've worked that out before the pounding headache became bearable (but my thinking abilities were not quite all there on Days 1-4). I think this was around when I read/finished reading The Circle as well (since before this point it physically hurt my brain to stare at words for too long). 

I think by the 7th day I discovered I could actually sip from glasses which changed EVERYTHING and meant I needn't use the syringe anymore, which was such a relief since those syringes are annoying as fuck. I will add that I still at this point (on the 14th day -- yes I'm posting incredibly late) I still don't have much feeling on my upper lip (because the facial nerve has been stretched it ranges from about 3-4 weeks to 3-4 months to fully come back...). So, because I don't have much feeling on my upper lip, whenever I sip my liquids I can never tell that I'm rocking a full on soup/liquidised chicken breast, peas and rice/smoothie moustache because I can't feel it there. I'm a very messy eater now :(

The swelling has gone down a lot on my face. I'm able to hobble/walk (in fact I've made it around St Lukes for shopping twice) but I look like a full retard when walking... I have to stick my ass out and turn my leg in it's all quite an experience, i'll tell you that.

On the Menu

My mum has this asian machine that is meant for making tofu or soy milk or some shit but it's been very very handy in liquidising whole meals so that I can eat/drink them. My favourite so far has been pumpkin + rice, but other things on the menu have been chicken + peas + tomato + egg + rice, or red glazed pork + lentils + egg + tomato + mushroom + kidney beans + rice (that one was super unappetizing for some reason) or salmon + rice + egg (yum) or potato + chicken + carrots + peas + rice (strange mucus-like consistency with strange mucus-like appearance but actually tasted alright). She also sieves out all the liquid from cooking congee/rice and I drink that (apparently it contains all the nutrients from rice or something).

The hospital gave me a whole box of fortisip which basically tastes like up&go but has a gazillion minerals and nutrients except after two years of having up&go every day at school I've become really against the taste of up&go so the fortisip, combined with my lack of appetite that first week, made me want to throw my guts up. Needless to say, I've avoided the fortisip.

I've been making fab smoothies which has been like, the highlight of my day and my favourite still is my berry smoothie (frozen berries eg blackberries, raspberries, strawberries + fresh strawberries + banana + one scoop vanilla ice cream + milk + honey) but I also sometimes have a banana smoothie as well or a vanilla blueberry smoothie which is just a lot of ice cream and milk and some blueberries to make me think i'm being healthy.

According to Dr Surgeon I am able to eat soft solids (pastas, rice, noodles, tender chicken, fish) now which I think may be a bit of bullshit because even when I take the rubber bands out (more on that hell later) I still can't really chew. I can move my jaws in the up-and-down motion of chewing except my food just doesn't really... break down like it should in one's mouth. Not sure if it's because the chewing just isn't powerful enough yet or if I've just completely lost the ability to chew. I can eat salmon after tenderising it/mushing it up into smaller pieces, and I can eat jelly like things like steamed egg (asian thing, dw, it's nice).

General Hygiene

For the first like, week I wasn't able to brush my teeth because I hadn't been given rubber bands and hadn't been taught where to put them either. I had to use mouthwash and on the first few days I had to syringe that shit in and due to the lack of feeling in my mouth and soreness of jaw/neck area, I couldn't really keep the mouthwash in my mouth (let alone swirl/gargle) and it would just dribble out lol. Also had to get syringes of water to wash out my mouth. It was a pain in my ass ok.

Finally got rubber bands and on the first night it legitimately took me 90 minutes in the bathroom to 1. brush my teeth and then 2. put those 7 elastic motherfuckers back on. Brushing my teeth was actually terrifying because I didn't know if my toothbrush was brushing against my stitches (I have a lot of stitches in my mouth duh) and undoing them, and I couldn't really open my mouth wide so I had to do everything super tentatively. AND THEN ACTUALLY PUTTING IN THE RUBBER BANDS MY GOD. I have 7 in total - two in the back going from outer bottom to inner top on both sides, then two in the back going from outer bottom to outer top, then two at the front going from bottom canine to upper canine traingling to upper incisor, and then one right in the middle with hooks at the top and bottom of my gums/mouth/idk connected to god knows where in my mouth tissue that restricts any food from entering my goddamn body.

That first time doing the rubber bands was actually really good for me because having my hands all up in my mouth for 90 minutes meant that I actually knew where all the stitches and that I was reassured that my face/jaw wasn't so fragile that it'd break with any small movement. 

The second night the 90 minutes had been reduced to 60 minutes, and by the third night I had cut it down to 20 minutes hallelujah (and that's about where I'm still at now). 

I've lost 5 kilos so far since the surgery (two weeks) due to the liquid diet! Jenny Craig can suck my dick. (Pretty sure it's all from my boobs though, wah)

Day 13 - swelling has decreased TONNES but is still there

(I'm going to date this onto the 20th because that's when I started this post and I can't really be bothered having to fuck with the Christmas posts by making them before this post if I post this on the 27th)

the immortalization of negativity through your choice to blog

Boy, I'm really putting off my homework and catching up with all my other blog posts arent I? This isn't a three things post, this is just something that I feel like I should say.

Sometimes when I'm doing my three things posts, and it's been a rather shit day or something not-so-great has happened, I'll mention it briefly in the post. Sometimes I don't even mention it at all. Since I've been doing this project, I haven't written one fully negative blog post, not once. And often I feel like I'm censoring myself or cheating myself by not acknowledging the shit parts of my life, which to be fair, aren't very that much of a pressing matter for me either way. It feels like I'm lying to myself and I'm lying to you, the handful of readers who actually keep up with my daily ramblings. But I definitely feel tempted to write separate blog posts where I can just rant, as if it'll be therapeutic - as if I'll feel better about the situation because I was "able to get it off my chest".

Truth is, what I've realised today (after my very long and very emotional rant on twitter) is that my venting usually makes me feel even shittier about what happened. Actually, I knew this a long time before but usually ignored this thought and would rant about it anyway. I get all riled up typing about something, or talking about it, when usually if I just don't think about it I can forget it quite easily.

I also feel as if by writing it down and focusing on it, I've immortalized it. When I write about the positive things of my day, I've immortalized those as well. By writing about happy events I remember them better. That's why I'm pretty pissed off at myself for STILL not writing about the ball, because the reason I wanted to blog about it was so that I could get those things solidified into my memory.

If writing about the things that upset you in life helps you, is therapeutic for you, clears your head, then good. Do it. If you feel that if you don't talk about them, you're bottling those negative emotions up, then yes, write about them, let them out. But if you're like me, and realise that you actually feel WORSE after venting, then stop yourself next time. It's better to forgive (others, or sometimes yourself), forget (but learn from your mistakes), and move on.

Big Sing 2013

IT'S MY BIG SING BLOGPOST WHAT THE FUCK WOAH IT'S UP WHAT'S HAPPENING OH MY GOD VICKY ACTUALLY DID IT SHE GOT HER SHIT TOGETHER AND COPIED OUT THE POSTS FROM HER JOURNAL YAY FELICITATIONS!!!!

Okay so for the most part I'm going to copy directly what I wrote down in my diary there. Warning there is quite a bit of embarrassing Lachie fangirling (don't hurt me!!!!). I will post my present day comments in bracketed italics.

I didn't do a post on Day 1 so I'll just give a brief run down:

Day 1:

• flight down, seated next to millie and sophia, but swapped so that I got the aisle seat, and across the aisle was vivian (z). Talked about school and extracurriculars and I LEARNT THE CUP SONG!!!!! Which must have annoyed everyone else on the flight hahahaha. Also played iphone charades app with vivian's phone and we were really noisy. EGGS were sitting right behind us!!
• got to dunedin (it's really not that pretty of a city tbh) and our motel rooms weren't ready so we all had to pile our luggage into tibbles' and the yr9s' room, and we headed out to the church that we'd be performing in later that night to rehearse
• rehearsal was a bitch and it was really cold in the church

• it was actually warmer outside than inside the church wtf 
• walked around trying to find the octagon, gave up, and ended up just eating subway
• got the most rip off macchiato ($4.50 for HALF A SMALL CUP) from a cute little coffeeshop 
• went to the supermarket and got food for the week (ended up being too much food)
• got back to the motel and hung out with everyone in the yr9 apartment and watched masterchef and it was nice and relaxing and good bonding time
• went to choir dinner at this little turkish place that had shit food tbh (flinty ily but daaaamn who even recommended that place to you....) but good company :3
• performed in the church to a huge audience of ... four people... (more than we were expecting ngl)
• got back to the motel, slept at 10pm

11:24pm 29/08/2013 Day 2 of the Big Sing

Alas it is day 2 of our 5 day trip, and today can ultimately be summed up in one word: FUCKING-STRESSFUL. To be fair, it wasn't very stressful until around 4:30pm when we fucke up and ran late to a session (literally.. ran!!!) but I'll go into that later.

Last night I had a pretty shit sleep. We went to bed at around 10pm and were too pussy about the possibility of getting caught to actually man up and watch supernatural at 10:30 like we had planned to. And tired.

I woke up like, 4 times during the night which sucked. These motel rooms are surprisingly nice and warm! Two flat screen TVs in every complex, even! This morning I woke up way before 7 and wasn't even tired. I had a huge breakfast of crunchy nut, a banana, a crumpet with nutella, and a coffee (don't ask me why I thought it was important for me to record down what I had for breakfast in Dunedin, i have no idea what was going through my mind there....)

We then went to the opening ceremony in the town hall. As we were waiting outside with all the other choirs, Lachie was also out there and omfg ok HE WAS WEARING A FUCKING SCARF OH SWEET JESUS HAVE MERCY ON MY FRAGILE SOUL!!! I can't deal with boys in scarves omg it's like he's purposely fucking with me (maybe he knows!!...?) I inconspicuously got a snapchat photo of him which I save and will treasure forever. (Okay I am SO SORRY BUT THIS SHIT IS GOING TO BE HILARIOUS IN ABOUT A YEARS TIME) 



The opening ceremony had an acapella group from Otago and they were dressed as clowns and it was like WTF? Ok so at lunch we had a performance in a church and it was pretty good.

At lunch we went to velvet burger and I spent $23 and felt so ripped off and regretful afterwards that I sold Anty my wedges. NEVER AGAIN!! I didn't even get time to eat my burger until at afternoon tea, where we went back to our motel room and chilled -- possibly too much because before we knew it, it was already 4:20 and we were already late as we were supposed to be at the town hall for session 2 which started at 4:30. So, we ran. I MEAN, LEGITIMATELY, RAN. Sprinted blocks with my brick-filled country road bag slung across my shoulder and my choir skirt bunched up in one hand, trying in vain to hold my skirt together and not flash everyone on the street as I motherfucking POUNDED THAT PAVEMENT!!! When we got there, Victoria and Rachel (slightly ahead of us) had already made it into the session, but Viv Q and I were stuck outside until the choir finished. By then I was grossly red faced, sweating, and practically hyperventilating my ass off. I was pretty pissed off at myself, NGL, but what's done is done I guess. PS IF LACHIE LOOKS GOOD ON STAGE UNDER UNFLATTERING PERFORMANCE LIGHTING, HE LOOKS 100X BETTER IN DAYLIGHT UGHHHH (ok how did my stream of consciousness even jump to Lachie wtf Vicky)

I was expecting Flinty to give us a huge rage-out for being so late, but since Anty and Gyorgika was late as well, our group of six people faced her together, and she was basically like, "why were you late?" and I decided to just bite the bullet and tell her the truth that we had lost track of time at the hotel and she was super understanding over it and was like "your downtime when you were trying to relax before tonight's performance only made you more stressed, isn't that right?". Rachel and Victoria wanted to make some bullshit excuse about how I had mean period cramps which prevented our whole group from getting to the town hall on time and I was like uhhhh no i think it's probably better if we just tell her what actually happened lol. Anty and Gyorgika were so relieved that we were late as well because they were not only late, but actually in a group of 2 instead of a group of 3 like we had to be at all times.

For dinner break we had to go back to the motel to get my lanyard/tag because I'm an idiot who was not only late but forgot all her shit, so we had to get sushi on the way for dinner. Very tiring but better than running. We were up first in session 3 and this meant we were all quite ready and pumped. Personally I thought we performed rather well! Good, even! Very satisfied when I got off stage, hehe. Felt really engaged and like I did the best I could.

Other highlights:

• Dilworth got a standing ovation but only their last piece with the Pacifica dancing was outstanding imo
• St Kents and Wellington were really good. And Kings. I recognized a boy from roskill in the Kings choir! We kept staring at each other through their dancey piece because Saints were in the first row and thus in direct line of sight with the people on the stage. Everywhere I looked, it seemed like there were guys staring at me and I was feeling rather exposed lol. I'm obviously biased because all my favourite choirs have boys in them...
• Told mum to watch livestream but she missed us and only saw from 3rd choir in. How sad...
• At night, roommates and I had a pretty good time gossiping after lights out. Viv and I discussed our respective Year 8 boy dramas and awkwardness with guy friends at a young age haha. 

30/08 Day 3 of Big Sing 11:57pm

 Woke up late at 8:30 because we didn't have to meet until 10am. Turns out that we can't actually get ready properly in that amount of time and we were rushing out the door at 9:59am today. After the morning session, Victoria, Q, Sophia, JJ, and Grace and I had lunch in this Japanese place that took WAY too long to get us our food. Seafood udon FTW!! Next we had a rehearsal which was pretty intense and afterwards a bunch of us decided to get changed. This was happening during a session which meant choirs were performing and/or getting ready. We naively were talking very loudly as we descended the stairs in the town hall building, and LOW AND BEHOLD there was a (guest) choir rehearsing right at the bottom of one flight of stairs. We quickly shut up and as we descended to the next level, it was... you guessed it... Lachie and the Kents choir, prepping for their performance. ABSOLUTELY MORTIFYING EXPERIENCE OF EYE CONTACT WITH LACHIE SINCE I WAS AT THE FRONT OF THE GROUP. They were blocking the exit so we tried going through another way but it was a dead end, so we had to shamefully return to where the choir was and go through the proper exit. OMG kill me tbh.

Oh speaking of St Kents, I've been texting Darryn a fuckton and we were planning of meeting up today but it didn't happen because we both had short breaks with rehearsals. I saw him in the morning and then again later in the town hall after afternoon tea where he was a total sweetie and came over to where my choir was sitting to chat. I told him about the mortification of walking in on their choir and he was like "Hey I should introduce you to Lachie right now" and I don't believe I have EVER said "NO" that many times with that much panic in my voice at any one point of my life!!! OK, since we are already on the topic of Lachie, I just want to note down that he was wearing fuckin beige/mustard chinos that matched his beige fuckin SATCHEL and he also had a grey coat and scarf and GLOVES UGH HOW DARE HE?!?! WHO GIVES YOU THE RIGHT UGHUHGUHGUHGHHHHHHHH!! (okay reading back on this I actually cannot stop laughing IT TOOK ME ABOUT 10 MINUTES TO TYPE OUT THAT BIT ABOUT HIS CLOTHES BECAUSE I WAS ON THE FLOOR PISSING MYSELF HAHAHAH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT LITERALLY WAS A THIRD OF A PAGE IN MY DIARY JUST FLIPPING OUT OVER HIS GODDAMN OUTFIT OH MY GOD I NEED HELP)

At afternoon tea I went with Anty and Victoria to food court to look for Anty's bottle and as we were walking back to the town hall, /lachie was walking from the other way towards us and I nearly shat myself because EYE CONTACT!!!!!!!!!! I panicked because I wanted to seem like I was super non-committal walking past him so I started discussing the pros and cons of french braids for performance as we passed him OMFG I AM SUCH A LOSER????? The sun was setting behind him and everything was ridiculous.... I hate myself. (ok i literally just had a whole passage on making eye contact with him I'm not sure whether I want to punch myself more or check into a mental facility.)

Our performance (which my mum watched and texted "Great!!!" afterwards, yay!) was okay in my opinion but I didn't feel as good as I did after the first session. A part of that had to do with Flinty's negative, stressed attitude in our prep time. At dinner, I went with Anty and Gyorgika to this Italian restaurant but as we were walking there, we became engulfed by people from Burnside and it turns out that we were going to the same restaurant as their WHOLE CHOIR! The restaurant ended up kicking us out because they couldn't deal with the number of people, and we went roaming for another place. We wandered into a bar, got kicked out for being under 18, went into a Jap place, saw Flinty + co, and GAPPED IT, and ended up in the same restaurant that I went to for lunch.... -___-

Last Lachie point: as we left the town hall he was right behind me and I nearly fainted and Sophie was like WTF. When I checked my phone and turned on the internet, I got an influx of snapchats (22) and on FB I saw that Nicole watched our Big Sing performance and Cathee, Jo, and Cherry were watching the latest sessions as well!!! I felt SOOOO supported and grateful for my friends, aw. I was legitimately so overwhelmed! I can't believe they watched the livestreams! Lol apparently the cameras were filming audience members during the breaks between choirs and zooming up in on people's phones where they were playing candy crush, or zooming in on their text message hahahahha.

Jason from Kings (the guy from roskill) fb msg'd me asking if I was at Big Sing and I said yes and we texted for quite a bit. Kings is staying in the same hotel as St Kents!!! Might hang out with Jason and/or Darryn tomorrow. OH LOL DARRYN TEXTED ME ASKING IF I WANTED TO GO RUNNING WITH HIM TOMORROW MORNING AND I WAS LIKE HEEEELLLLL NO i ain't running for nobody!!!! Elaine was super cute and said they missed me at school. All this fbing and shit was happening as all four of us gathered in our one room after lights out and at first we were talking about shit and gossiping, but we ended up all on our phones taking advantage of the wifi hahaha bless our generation.

Day 3, 31/08/2013 3:20am

Breakfast was fast and we made our flashmob video at 8am, doing a thing where we popped out on the road singing what is this feeling to some boys from Wellington boys college (who are staying next door!!). Took a few takes but end product was good and on my camera. We posted it before the last session which was good. Before that session started, I called Kelly K over and we chatted for a bit which was nice.

Later, in the mass choir rehearsal, Sophie, I, and the rest of our alto section were in the front of the mass alto section, which was cool ut also rather embarrassing! At lunch, I went with Anty and Qiu to the Italian place that we got rejected from yesterday at dinner. Played cellphone-in-the-middle game which totally backfired on me because I was giving Darryn directions to get to the restaurant so that we could meet up. He came eventually and brought a friend (who ditched him) but I'm really glad we got to hang out! It was pretty awkward though because Qiu and Anty didn't know him so it was mainly Darryn and I talking, so I felt bad about leaving them out. Especially because he hadn't had lunch yet and had to wait ages before his order arrived. Had a bit of a discussion about Lachie (of course we did... HE BROUGHT IT UP THOUGH, NOT ME) and how Lachie can be a bit of a dick in his quest to be taken seriously by the students in spite of his young age. (Oh ps if you tell a guy that you're really into guys who wear scarves and then the guy wears a scarf the next time you see him and actually points out that he is wearing a scarf, are you supposed to read into that or....)

Darryn and us parted ways and Anty, Viv and I got back to the motel and chilled for a bit before Gala that night. A few of the year9s and vivian came into our room and it was lots of fun! I ended up doing 5 people's make up and my liquid eyeliner ran dry :( so I had to use my shitty pencil eyeliner which meant everyone had panda eyes by the end of the night hahaha.

Walked over to the town hall and got pizza in a rush along the way. We then took a bunch of proper choir photos in front of the cathedrals and on the steps. One of which is the first photo of this post!

At Gala we performed Hej Igatzisad which was alright and uneventful. At the end it was announced that we got Silver award and it was actually a bit of a shitfest when that happened. The compere hadn't announced our name in the bronze or silver list, and we got SO EXCITED thinking that we had gotten GOLD, and I was actually about to have a heart attack from the excitement, but then right after he said "moving on to the gold awards..." the guy handing out the plaques tapped him on the shoulder and showed him the name on the plaque and the compere was like "apologies, there is one more choir that received Silver -- Saints Alive!" and we were like ".... yay...." -____- honestly, we were expecting silver which was why we were absolutely dying when we thought that we were getting gold, and the drop down to silver was a HUGE anticlimax. If they had announced us in the silver category along with everyone elses, without making us expect a silver award, we would've probably been really proud and celebratory. Too bad.... According to Sophie's friend who is actually the compere's daughter, our choir wasn't even on his paper list at all - not in silver, bronze, or gold. So it wasn't really his fault.

Mass choir piece was super epic and I was standing right at the front which felt rather exposing.

The student function at the end was ... interesting. Very Year9 Socialish. LACHIE CAME TO THE FUCKING SOCIAL and I saw him and Anty and I were like OMG????  (okay do not read this next bit if you don't want to die from second hand embarrassment. No seriously, I can't even write it without cringing and taking 10 second breaks to breathe deeply and stop laughing from shame.) And I was like lol fuck it and took advantage of the crowded body-against-body area to take the piss with anty.... uh.... well... sort of... dance/grind against his back REALLY SUBTLY THOUGH, OKAY. No no but okay get this, I fucking danced with him?? Like, face to face???? MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGH THE NIGHT BECAUSE I WAS LIKE, FRANKLY, I MIGHT AS WELL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY OR ELSE I WOULD REGRET IT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING IN NEAR PROXIMITY AND NOT DOING SHIT, so yeah I danced with him.... Not like, body on body, it wasn't raunchy, take your head out of your hands man! It was totally PG, armwidth away jammin (he fist pumps a lot, it's really funny/sad) and it actually lasted quite a long time. Like, half a song? Bravo Vicky, didn't pass out from the proximity and constant eyecontact...  I FUCKING DANCED WITH HIM WHAT THE FUCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

Later I found Darryn (their whole choir was still in uniform lol) and we hung out/danced/jammed for a while and went outside for a bit as well. I told him Lachie was there and he physically dragged me to go dance with him so that he could introduce me to him and ACTUALLY FUCKING PUSHED ME INTO HIM AND I WANTED TO SMACK HIM OMG but I refused to do it because NUH-UH I AM NOT GETTING INTRODUCED!! So he danced with lachie a little while and they fist pumped and it was SO lame that it verged on adorable hahahha it was like I was watching a jersey shore episode.... His friend and him came across two of their choir members making out and they FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT and did that "OHHHHHHHHHH SNAAAPPP" thing where they jumped around so I was like lol cya and gapped it. Ran into Jason like, 4 times! Had a bit of a convo where he asked me where I went and then he was like "real different to roskill - we've done well for ourselves!" and I was like oh snap no u didnt!!!

Anty and I even went upstairs to the mezzanine for a bit, where we ran into this guy in westlake who was friends with rachel/libby, etc. Eventually Anty and I went into the St Kents zone where I found Lachie again (oh god i'm so sorry) and danced in proximity and then Darryn saw me and FUCKING INTRODUCED ME TO LACHIE BY SAYING GOD KNOWS WHAT BUT HE POINTED AT ME AND LACHIE LOOKED AT ME AND SMILED AND NODDED AND I WAS LIKE AWWW SHIT DARRYN WHAT DID U FUCKING SAY.... (ps darryn still refuses to tell me what he said and i've bugged him a million times about it and he wON'T TELL ME AND I LITERALLY WANT TO PUKE AT THE THOUGHT OF IT) And we ended up dancing in the same smallish circle and I just ?!?!??!?! omfg?!?!? We did the lame YMCA actions and the fucking gangnam style oh my god everyone (including L) was so into it and I was like ........ ok.

I was tempted to ask for a photo because YOLO but decided to keep some semblance of my dignity (APPARENTLY THERE WAS A GIRL WHO ACTUALLY ASKED FOR A PHOTO WITH HIM, I CAN'T EVEN DEAL OMFG?!?!?!)

Um yeah so it's almost 4am now and we had gotten home at 1am and I've been texting people for the last 2 hours.... There was a fire alarm at 3am at the hotel that Kings and St Kents are staying at hahahahaha everyone came out in their pjs and shit and it was REALLY FUCKING COLD. I jokingly told Darryn to take a photo of Lachie for me in his pjs and he was like "that's pervy" and I was like "nah shh just do it" and he replied "I asked Lachie and he said it was weird" AND I WANT THE FLOOR TO FUCKING SWALLOW ME OH MY GOD I WAS JOKING, WHY WOULD U ACTUALLY TELL A PERSON THAT, THAT IS SO EMBARRASSING SOMEONE KILL ME.

Day 4

• Tourist Day
• Really bad hair day so all my photos are a MESS which is rather unfortunate if you're taking photos the whole day
• Went to the Cadbury Chocolate factory and they unleashed this big tank of melted chocolate and took a photo of our reactions and my face was in the state of extreme shock (I feared for my life when it happened, THERE WAS SO MUCH AND I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO SPLASH ONTO ME AND I WAS THINKING "I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO GET CHOCOLATE OUT OF MY CLOTHES GET IT AWAY!!!) so that's basically what my face conveyed.... Also, everyone else went crazy buying chocolate and I felt bad for not buying anything because I usually have chocolate at home anyway, haha.

• Climbed Baldwin Street aka steepest street in the world. People who cycle down there are fucking NUTS. It didn't really feel that steep though, just was kinda like climbing a hill. Definitely wasn't as bad as tramping... (ps darryn ran that street on that morning he tried to make me go running with him and it was early morning and -7 degrees... fucking crazy....)

• Lazer Tag!!! I KILLED it!!!! Consistently got among the highest accuracy and near the top of the leaderboards! Our team won in the end, hehe. SO MUCH FUN!! Everyone on the other team got really irked at me because I kept killing them and using the mirrors muhahhahaha
• The bus ride around everywhere was really nice and everyone just bonded and talked, and viv z had these nasty ass REALLY SOUR lollies that she filmed a reaction of me eating. IT WASN'T EVEN SOUR, IT WAS REALLY GROSSLY SALTY AND CHEMICALLY BURNT MY TONGUE!!! I had to spit it out eugh :(
• Harri and Lizey made a (surprisingly nice) song using dumb lyrics that Jess and Brit wrote. It went along the lines of "the sky is green like a gherkin//and I feeel like twerkin// twerk, miley, twerk it" except I'm missing like, 3 lines in between those bits, and theres a whole another verse after that. They made it into the tune of a nice folk song with guitar noodling and harmonies hahahha
• Went to the beach, planned to have lunch, realised there wasnt much choice in food, drove back to the food court.
• Went to an old trainstation where we did impromptu performances (well, not really performances, just singing) of For thy greatest blessings, Sanctus, and Benedictus because the acoustics were really pretty. It was so nice just being able to do that out of nowhere!! Everyone came out around the trainstation to see why there was singing going on hahahha. Such a lovely experience that I think I will remember as one of the highlights of the trip :)

• Flinty shouted us all ice creams from McDonalds, it was awesome. 

• Bus broke down so there was a stressful period where we had to wait for another bus whilst worrying about whether we would make our flight in time.
• Flew back home, did SAT vocab on the plane with Sophia hahahaha

I miss big sing :( Can't wait till next year!! I hope Lachie doesn't remember me... fuck.

consciousness

The problem with becoming aware of everything  - of your actions and the actions around you and what you do and what you say and how you place your arms here, there, on your hips or folded across your chest - is that you're suddenly self-conscious and bloop sorry what was that again -- something about 'confidence'?

For some reason I've always thought that having awareness is a good thing. Knowledge is power, and what better knowledge than the knowledge of your life and yourself and your surroundings?

But as I've grown to become more 'knowledgeable' and conscious to how people react to the things I say and the way I act, I've sunk deeper into myself and am chronically feeling as if I'm growing inwards rather than out at the world.

I preferred to be ignorant to the way people nervously but politely laugh or subtly glance at each other when I swear or crack a dirty joke or say something inappropriate (which I find funny, of course). Except I don't find it funny any more because you don't find it funny and neither does she and that comment didn't get a 'like' and that joke didn't get a laugh and -- I'm sorry I think it'd be better if I just stayed quiet from now on.

I don't know how to stand when I'm around new people or people I don't know very well. I speak too loud and too fast and I come on too strong and my mouth moves ahead of my brain and I'm not enunciating enough and whoops sorry that just slipped out (It didn't even make any sense, grammatically or logically) my god Vicky what the fuck are you even on about just stop please

(They already thought you were weird enough and now look what you've done!)

(You made it worse!)

But really, what are my arms doing, I can't cross my arms because I've read in all those magazines that crossing your arms when you're talking to someone means that you shut yourself off from them and it makes them subconsciously think that you're not interested, so I guess that's out. How about on your hips - no, now you just look like a beat-down mother chastising her five year old for not picking up his toys. I wish I could just dangle them on my sides but that feels so uncomfortable and unnatural even though that's the natural way to hold your arms in the first place.

I hate being perpetually afraid of awkward silences because they always cause me to fill the quiet with some stupid story that no one is interested in, with an unsatisfying ending and no punchline.

The problem with becoming aware of everything is that you end up not wanting to be aware of anything at all.

two oh thirteen

Ahhh, it's that time of year again. And by "that time of the year", I mean, the glorious, promising beginning of a long and super busy 2013.

2012 was a great year for many, and a terrible year for some. For me, it was a pretty uneventful, fast 52 weeks full of a lot of late passes and stressful cramming of extracurriculars. Not to mention, the dreadful life-or-death decision of NCEA or IB.

But 2012 was also full of awesome memories like going to Wellington for choir nationals, and going to not one, not two, but three concerts (do flight of the conchords count? I'm saying they do), and turning the big ol' sweet sixteenth. Along with that, I've also developed and made some great friendships, and rekindled old ones, and best of all for the most part, I've been pretty satisfied with life, and think I've probably grown a lot as a person.

Sadly I have been seriously neglecting this blog and I have barely posted, with only 42 posts in 2012 compared to 100+ in both 2011 and 2010 whaaaat?! I think this year I might change my style of blogging slightly and perhaps use proper grammar and spelling for the most part. That doesn't mean I'm going to tone down the swearing and ramble-y tone, I just might start actually capitalizing words properly from now on, ha.

Well, let's get down to business, shall we? Here were 2012's new year's resolutions:

• All Excellences in both examinations (that means studying in the holidays....) 

I got all excellences in midterms, but not for term 3 mocks :'( curse you physics and calculus!!! I don't have results for NCEA yet nor do I want to have them... Ignorance is bliss, they say.

• Get a job and keep it so you have a steady income 

Well, that really didn't work. I'm still trying though. If you havent read my first job-hunting adventure,  read it here. Sadly, my second attempt at job hunting resulted in me missing a bus and turning up late for an orthodontist appointment where they tightened my braces and made life suckish again, but uh, I digress.

• Stop waking up after 12pm during the holidays cuz you waste your break away (this means not going to sleep at 5am every night!) 

........ Oops.

• Save money and use eftpos only for emergencies and gifts maybe. 

I think this worked for the most part? However, because of christmas, my bank account is once again, severely depleted and have I mentioned how much I really nEED A FUCKING JOB?

• Exercise everyday so that you have more energy and so you're not as lazy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (this may have worked for the first half of the year? Not sure, can't remember. Definitely not anymore though)

• Keep room substantially tidy 

Wow lmao NOPE

• Make more friends i.e. put yourself out there more and stop being a bitch to the people in the year under you. 

I think I tried, a little, but not enough. Better than before but I definitely need to work on my terrible attitude ugh yuck

• Eat healthy, don't overeat, drink plenty of water and learn to cook healthy things (eg not mi goreng) 

No, no, nope, and no.

• Restart piano and work on your diploma (practice everyday) 

This may very well be the most unsuccessful resolution of the bunch. I haven't even touched a proper piano piece for a year.

• Do more charity work, sign up for first aid classes, volunteer. 

Damn, I really wish I remembered to work on this one, but I feel like even if I did remember this, I wouldn't have had time to do any volunteering because my schedule was just constantly so damn busy.

• Don't let rejection get you down. 

Well, I think I probably got this one done pretty well. Got rejected from Saints, felt pretty shitty, but re-auditioned and it paid off. Got rejected from Kidsline, said fuck you, violently defaced the letter, and moved on. I can't remember any other rejection tales but feel free to remind me so I can take a trip down rejection avenue.

Speaking of rejection, I'd just like to add how my experiences with rejection this year taught me a couple of pretty valuable things. Sometimes, it's not even your fault you got rejected. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not good enough -- many times it's just because it's just not the right thing for you. You may not be suited for that particular thing, but there are so, so many other opportunities that you can take full advantage of that you  may find a lot more fulfilling. Other times, rejection is just an encouragement for you to reflect and change what you did wrong, and try, try, try again. If you don't get a second chance at that specific thing, at least you can take what you could possibly improve on and use it for future reference. Rejection isn't an end, my lovelies-- it's just the beginning.

• Grow taller, skinnier, boobier. 

Oh, I take it back. This one was definitely the most unsuccessful.

• Make the most out of 2012 :)

You know what, I think I did! I think that the extracurriculars I signed up for made me unintentionally focus on this resolution, and help me develop my person and teach me important life crap. Debating and netball umpiring forced me to be confident in self-assured, even if I wasn't. Choir was great for teamwork and proving that I could have time management skills if I forced myself to. I won't bore you with what I learnt through everything else like shakespeare, brain bee, chinese dance group, peer mediation, netball, speech and drama, pilates (lmao don't think this counts) and finally learning how to swim since I'm sure you get the point. I think that getting the top English prize is something I'm allowed to be proud of, as well as getting distinction in my speech and drama grade 6 exam, winning silver and best maori piece at choir nationals, learning how to swim, and my work on my art board. In terms of things that aren't awards, I think although I didn't get great marks in mocks, I've finally learnt my lesson after finals, and I'm ready for what IB (and 2013) wants to throw at me. 

Well, that's last year, I guess. Onwards to this year! My 2013 resolutions are... (drumroll):

• Don't look down upon anyone or have prejudices towards people because of appearance, status, or the people they hang out with. I hate it when people treat me as inferior, so what gives me the right to treat others the same way? Treat everyone equally with kindness and a good nature.
• Learn to prioritise - your tumblr and the amount of tumblr followers you have will in no way benefit you at all in 5 years time, so why spend your valuable sleeping time on updating your blog? Put school first, as year 12 is the most important year for college applications and you seriously cannot forget that.
• Be willing to help others and go out of your way to help them, but in saying this, don't sacrifice your own grades or health for it. Stop selfishly hiding your good work to yourself because of your fear of others stealing your work and taking credit for it. (Just so you know, I have this 'fear' because it's already happened once before). IB requires you to be able to share your knowledge with your classmates so that you can all help each other to study.
• Arrive early at school, every day, so it becomes a habit. Quarter past eight. Being late three out of five times every single week makes you look extremely disorganized, and also, it's embarrassing that Mrs Wong already knows you by name.
• Go to bed at 11pm-ish every night. Even on weekends. Good sleeping habits will positively affect your schoolwork, attitude, skin, and like, everything else in life.
• All 7's in All Exams. Don't leave studying to the night before your exam. CMON VICKY YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER 
• Read books that will change your life and your views of the world.
• Exercise everyday for at least half an hour (oh yes I am bringing this motherfucker back)
• (one especially for the holidays) Get up before 11am four out of seven days a week

And, finally, of course, make the most out of 2013!

but before i do the dishes

my holidays so far have been rather uneventful mainly because i've been devoting most of my time towards attaining a job however unfortunately that shit ain't going so great ya know ya feel ya capisce

aside from the early-december birthday parties, i have not really gone out much.

last saturday i went to the beach with jade which was lovely despite the gloomyish weather that only brightened up late afternoon when we were almost getting ready to leave (CURSE YOU AUCKLAND WEATHER!!!!) and i brought a bag load of books and magazines and ended up barely touching any of it because we entertained ourselves just fine by being loquacious motherfuckers

did you know that seagulls tend to enjoy hanging around at beaches, and especially enjoy your company if you are consuming a nutritious meal of fish and chips??? i had not been informed of this fact and was not exactly pleasantly surprised by the generous companionship of those white rodents with wings

i just really dont like birds cramping up my style ok LET ME ENJOY MY GREASE RIDDEN FOOD IN PEACE

i did get mildly sunburnt in a particularly odd shape, because of my swimsuit (damn i wish i could call it a bikini because calling it a 'swimsuit' makes me feel like a middle aged woman desperately clutching at the tendrils of her youth... but i cant because it's a one piece) and now i have the fucking weirdest tan line ever

but yeah it was fun

here are some pictures that jade wont let me post on facebook

in case you didn't previously know, jade is like,
super hardcore. thuglife4lyf

the first break in the clouds for the day
 jade's stockphoto reaction to seeing blue sky

she legit sprinted to the mr whippy truck no joke

before that i went christmas shopping with jade and cherry and already briefly wrote about that in my previous christmas post. basically i didnt get anything until after they both ditched me and then i got my shopper's zen on and went CRAZY, powerwalking through the stores and up and down queen street i was on fire im telling you

ive literally done nothing ugh i cannot remember anything else because i HAVENT DONE ANYTHING ELSE

oh i went job hunting with lizzi in mt eden to no avail

the outerlink bus driver was a complete dick and saw me RUN towards the bus, knock on the bus door, flail my arms around like a madman, and he still drove away. and since i'm a classy son of a bitch i yelled after the bus, screaming "WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE" and people stared at me

and this made me 15 minutes late to my orthodontist appointment. and i had to walk in the rain. AND THEN I GOT MY BRACES TIGHTENED WHICH MEANT I COULDN'T CHEW *ONCE AGAIN*. seriously, i was just getting used to them, and they fuck shit up again do u have something against me aye cunt fuckers

im trying to remember anything else i did oh man my life is so sad. ive jsut basically been walking around alone a lot handing out cv's and getting blisters and sweating a lot ugh

i got 1000+ notes on my first gifset ever on tumblr? but that's not very interesting and i've already over-celebrated this on twitter hgghahgahaha

but like here ya go




MY LIFE IS SO BORING OH MY GOD IM SORRY

the last day on earth was anticlimatic to say the least??? spent it complaining about not being at the beach and resorting to reading on the road on my deck with expired sunscreen and thinking about how much nicer the whole experience would have been IF I WAS ON THE BEACH



ok i regret making this post now because i just realised how antisocial i've been
i need to sort out my new years resolutions omg

tomorrow i am going boxing day shopping LET'S SPEND EVEN MORE MONEY YAYYYYYYYY

ok seriously now, dishes.

joyeux noel bitchessssssss

well, merry christmas my beautiful chickadees I hope you all had a great day full of joy and loveliness and laughter and all that great stuff that makes life worth living

in case you didn't have that much of a day, don't worry, because christmas is just a consumer holiday that comes along every year to devastate your bank account and cause endless hours of stress whilst buying presents

but yeah i had a good day

(sidenote i have no idea where i suddenly picked up using the word 'whilst' instead of 'while' but whenever i talk or blog or whatever i always seem to prefer using 'whilst' which makes me sound like i'm trying too hard to speak intellectually but oh my gOD I CAN NOT HELP IT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME)

stayed up to 3am last night watching the lizzie bennet diaries on youtube oh man if you have no idea what i'm talking about you should go start watching it like, right now, it's great. seriously, especially if you love pride and prejudice, DO IT.

ok i got a little sidetracked there but as i was saying

got woken up at 9 to my brother knocking on my door so that we could "UNWRAP PRESENTS" and then proceeded to wait for him to take a goddamn shower before we all went downstairs to discover what wonders there were to behold once we got past the festive wrapping paper 

my family is pretty small and the only person from my family who i can really get a present from would be my brother, since my dad (and mum) just give us money (cha ching) however i make up for this by exchanging presents with sueyeon and, this year, amy (brother's longtime girlfriend) has also been added into the mix.

my brother got me black le specs sunglasses aw yuss i hope i don't lose them or break them though; sueyeon got me a gorgeous light creamy brown leather handbag from san michelle bags and the sweeeetest card; amy got me a notebook from typo and guylian chocolates; and dad gave me $100 that's basically going to have to last me till next christmas lol OH AND MUM GOT ME VANS IN AMURRICAH FUCK YES I HAVE SHOES

i got my parents a 3pc bathroom set and a "magican can opener" which was EXCESSIVELY EXPENSIVE BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF THOSE AUTOMATIC CAN OPENERS THEY ADVERTISE ON TV OH MY GOD I WAS *SCAMMED* the shame!!! no srsly i was so disappointed when we opened it and realised it was just a normal, overpriced can opener i just :'(

my bad for not even reading the labelling hahaha i just read "magican" and was like IT'S MAGIC OH MY GOD I MUST BUY IT

ah well i have learnt from my mistakes

i bought my brother a 4pack nivea for men face-care-products thingy cuz he needs to fix his face duh ha good one vicky bURN

and i bought amy a plastic smoothie cup thingy with the plastic straw idk what it's called but it was from typo and i wanted one so i got it for her instead haha

and i bought sueyeon those cool flippy clocks at typo and a disposable 'frame' camera that seemed endearing but im ngl i have no idea how the hell you're even supposed to use it but she likes sentimental things like that so eh

typo was having a sale, obviously.

on the same day as all my christmas shopping, i also bought swimwear yay and on that particular wednesday afternoon, i spent $138, not including bus fare.

oh joy to the festive season and all of its... festivities...

my brother got my dad a ralph lauren shirt, and got amy a new stereo for her car as well as new speakers and an ed sheeran cd. amy got my brother a ridiculously expensive shirt from somewhere i dont know as well as a calvin harris cd and something else i cant remember oops and she got my dad lindor chocolates because cmon what else could she have gotten my *dad*.

and then everyone went out for a couple hours, and for the rest of the day i watched the teen choice awards and pissed myself laughing at all the horrible embarrassing script writing and uncomfortable celebrities 

you just have to appreciate the little things in life ja feel

after that i made red velvet cupcakes and used the oven in my house FOR THE FIRST TIME

WE BUILT THIS HOUSE 4 YEARS AGO

THE OVEN HAS NEVER BEEN USED

NEVER

EVER

EVER

and i stole that poor oven's virginity like i was a varsity jock at a college frat party and it was the shy freshman, wide-eyed and innocent to the horny motherfuckers that surrounded it.

the cupcakes were a disaster by the way, i can't ice to save my life, and in case you missed my tweet: the icing bag i used was a lousy flaccid plastic bag that, after i had finished icing, looked incredibly (and disturbingly) like a used condom

which carries on my 'virginity' metaphor quite nicely don't you think

look at those ugly motherfuckers i have to deal with 12 of them

this is why i don't bake

then i caught the end of pride and prejudice on tv and once again it made me cry like a little bitch (seriously is that movie on every christmas day, every year?!) and i went upstairs onto my laptop to watch more lizzie bennett diaries and then i fell asleep for 2 hours, napping horizontally across my bed on a curled up position since i'm too lazy to clear the shit off my bed obviously

oh when i mean "napping horizontally" i mean, i was lying on the bed like... horizontally... instead of lengthways. obviously, everyone naps horizontally by lying down instead of vertically aka standing up i didnt mean that ok just go away

and then my brother woke me up to take us to the restaurant where we had the traditional christmas dinner of peking duck

wait, what do you mean people don't celebrate christmas traditionally with peking duck? yes you do! it's a pagan customary dish!!

hold up, no, what? turkey? who eats TURKEY on a holiday occasion ha wow dont be silly!!! you are so silly, you!!!!!!!!!!

wow this turned out to be a rather long post

hope y'all had swell days

i have to go do the dishes now oh mon dieu L'HORREUR!!!! (oh boy i watched an education the other day and i realised i do that pretentious thing that jenny does where she randomly speaks in french except i don't have a nice enough french accent to do it pretentiously and instead i just sound like a fucking idiot goodday)

the transformation: a novella. chapter one - braces hurt like a motherfuck

well
i have braces

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME IT'D BE THIS FUCKING PAINFUL SWEET BABY JESUS LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL PROTECT ME FROM THIS CONTRAPTION DELIVERED BY SATAN HIMSELF FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING DEPTHS OF HELL

can we just acknowledge that i already had sensitive teeth and gums in the first place so i am quite literally (figuratively) going through hell at this current moment of freakin time

i strode out of that orthodontist office like MAN I CAN HANDLE THIS SHIT IM GOOD, DOESNT EVEN HURT
and then about one hour later shit started getting real

it's awful because the pain is just this never ending pressure and ACHE in my mouth. i'd rather you punched me in the face or womb or something because at least i will be able to heal for fucks sake

everyone has just said to me "oh you get used to it" which is really quite worrying because it leads me to believe that the pain doesn't necessarily dull, it's just that my poor body will end up getting used to this horrendous torture and discomfort, dude like what the fuck this is not what i signed up for

i tried to eat a grape. you know how you pop the grape into your mouth, and bite through it to break the skin and expose the fleshy fruit insides etc etc? i tried to bite through the fucking GRAPE and my teeth were like lol no bitch you best be jokin and they screamed in protest and i nearly cried because goddamn that was painful wE'RE NOT TRYING THAT AGAIN FUCK YOU GRAPES I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

had a mashed potato for dinner with salmon strewn through it. and a little bit of leftover congee from lunch. i feel like an infant. caution, keep me away from sharp objects. and plastic bags.

it took me an hour to brush my teeth/floss/etc tonight. this isn't normal. i cannot live life like this.

i fell asleep watching supernatural at 3pm and slept for 3 hours since that seemed like an effective way to cope with the ceaseless pain. also, i am in a constant shitty mood don't fuck with me guys im srs just leave me alone to rot and die with my unstraight (gay?) teeth.

are my teeth bisexual now is that what it is. no hold up i feel like my teeth are leaning more towards pansexual. i definitely have pansexual teeth. hey dont hate, my teeth were born this way.

isn't it fucked up how now i am trying to fix my non-hetero teeth!? god what century are we living in?! no wonder my teeth are fighting back. WE WANT EQUALITY!!!!! EQUALITY FOR ALL!!!! INCLUDING TEETH!!!!!! EQUALI-TEETH!!!!!!!

oh my god i am so sorry jesus what am i doing hey look i blame the mind numbing pain. it's doing things to me. non-fun things.

you know what the kicker is for this situation? i cant eat, and yet i have three birthday parties to go to within a week, all centring around good food. lunch at the langham on saturday, then dinner at orbit later that night. then a barbecue on tuesday.

why

why do terrible things happen to good people



this is why people turn to class A drugs isnt it? i hear cocaine numbs your mouth if you dissolve it along your gums. that sounds incredibly appealing to me right now. panadol just ain't doing the trick, lemme tell you.

OH GOD I FEEL LIKE SUCH A PUSSY BECAUSE 80% OF PEOPLE I KNOW HAVE/HAD BRACES AND THEY ALL COPED FINE WHY AM I SUCH A LITTLE SHIT


adios

[[this concludes chapter one of "the transformation, a novella" written by vicky xu, documenting the author's courageous journey of spending thousands of dollars in orthodontic fees towards a normal-ish looking face. "the transformation, a novella" tells the inspiring story of a whiny teenage girl, weathered by angst and the internet, as she resiliently endeavours to ok no i give up i cbf finishing this sentence it's just too much work and bullshitting tldr these are a series of blogposts detailing anything related to jaw surgery and me changing my fuckin face ok that's about it. see what people have said about this book]]

fuck me i am exhausted

well, obligatory introduction on how I'm super sorry I've been so neglectful of this blog. Truth is, I'm just really fucking lazy oops

I had my final exam today which was physics and wow I just sprouted bullshit left right and centre so let's not talk about it. Tbh that has pretty much been exactly how all of my exams went since I did barely any study at all and it's probably going to show when I get my results back.

Pressure was on for English because holyfuckingshitwhadayouknow I got the English prize????????????????? It was shared with Sophie which makes me super proud since I know how good she is at english!! Also lmao in year 10, we were both in Mr H's english class and sat together in class aw yeh 10HW reppin' it

man I cannot get my tone of blogging right atm sorry if I'm coming off as rambly and lame as fuck adfkasldkfnasdfj

ps I'm getting braces tomorrow KILL ME. they're staying on for approximately one and a half years to two years. I have commitment issues ok I don't know how I'm going to survive having alien metal fixtures in my mouth that I have no choice but to stick with for that whole period of time I CAN'T HANDLE THIS SHIT

my next week or so is going to be so busy I don't even know how this happened

• 27/11 braces aka death in the mouth
• 1/12 choir audition aka death from the mouth, then rebecca+maria's birthday lunch aka cry over all the food i wont be able to eat, then sleepover aka watch sad movies and cry more but in a group
• 4/12 meilin's birthday party aka i dont even know what the fuck we're doing but meilin got a new snazzy house so we gonna fuck shit up
• 5/12 + 6/12 peer fucking support trainings mother of fuck
• 7/12 ib orientation day aka begin freaking out and regretting choosing ib before we even start ib
• 8/12 robotics volunteer day aka how the fuck are we supposed to get transport to Massey
• 9/12 choir workshop + dinner  aka sing a bit and bum around and eat and watch movies yay

soooooooo my to do list for the next couple of weeks and in the holidays is:

• buy birthday presents
• buy christmas presents
• rob a bank in order to acquire money for presents
• write thank you cards to teachers (shut up)
• practice choir audition song
• APPLY FOR A JOB
• GET A JOB
• WORK AT A JOB
• EARN MONEY
• go shopping with that money
• paint?
• go hot yoga with josh
• supernatural/teen wolf marathon with charlie
• gilmore girls marathon with steph
• game of thrones marathon with sueyeon
• the oc marathon with mei
• oh my god i watch too much fucking tv
• spend as much time at houses of friend's who have pools hahahaha 
• learn to drive a manual
• read medical encyclopaedia for shits and giggles
• read books and rec'd fics
• go to the beach a lot
• im pretty sure there were more important things to put on this list but i forgot

sorry for neglecting you

Jeez I feel like the only times I update this blog is when I'm feeling really angsty or some shit and then blurt out stupid emotional stuff.

.... which I later delete because I realise how stupid I am.

So I realised a more productive way to release pent up frustrations and anger is through a rage journal (like, a real paper journal) where I can actually use names and then burn it/destroy it later on HOW POETIC

I went to do the Motuihe volunteer work today and it was pretty good. I've decided that these things are quite nice because I always get to socialise with people I don't usually talk to, like at waiheke and at whitford. Mainly we just potted seedlings and i somehow avoided doing work that involved going out in the wind and rain woohoo

this is a really uneventful post omg sorry

batman was amazing
i started crying at joseph gordon levitt's bit at the end and then i just kept on sobbing and when the credits started to roll i could not stop and was just in hysterics crying curled up in foetal position and meilin was sitting next to me and she was crying so hard too and we were both just weeping and i actually couldn't get myself to stop and gain composure and this went on for a couple of minutes.

sat classes start tomorrow and my book hasnt arrived in the mail and im really pissed about it argh

hmmm um on the last day of school last term i went to flight of the conchords with steph, mei, and cherry. it was hilarious, of course. I'm one of those really annoying people who laugh super loud at everything and basically piss all over themselves...

uhhhh watched brave with sueyeon on the first monday of the holidays. was a really good movie! wanted to hug my mum afterwards hahaha. sueyeon then went to tonga for missionary work on wednesday which i'm so jealous of because I would LOVE to do volunteer work overseas (not missionary work though since I'm not christian and that would be weird...)

went shopping with lizzi on wednesday and went to all these different stores and felt average feels about all the dresses... and then went to valleygirl and got like 8 potential dresses HOLLA

i am the worst person to go shopping with, honestly. I take so long to get changed into them, and then decide if they're really worth it, and most of the time I just don't buy any of the 10 pieces of clothing I have in the changing room. YOLO

Thursday was my birthday, of course.

On friday I watched amazing spiderman AND ARGH ANDREW GARFIELD IS THE ULTIMATE LIFE RUINER SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYYYY i am so obsessed with him. mentioning his name to me will reduce me to fangirl tears. no joke. he is so perfect. it hurts me. i love him so much omg

went to the pediatrist on tuesday and he suggested for me to go get better sports shoes. end up in dressmart with mum and bought the shoes, two jumpers and a bag.... oops. I can't remember if the shoes were over $200 or if everything altogether was over $200 but uh yeah.

also I saw yujie there HI YUJIE

then went to go watch snow white and the huntsman with meilin and ran into emmy lmao. sigh speaking of swath, i have so many opinions over kristen stewart cheating on robert pattinson for the director of swath, mainly bcz tbh i dont think it's quite fair how everyone's just calling her a slut like wow guys how is that helping the equality between the sexes when you are just namecalling her with these derogatory, misogynistic insults and you don't really blame any shit on rupert sanders WHO HAS TWO KIDS AND A WIFE and honestly should know better...? like, yeah, kristen is to blame but it takes two to tango yknw. at least give rupert some shit too...

uhhh went to watch ted on friday of 2nd week. that shit is cray cray. 50 SHADES OF CRAY (sorry i just love that saying so much)

then i did nothing on the last week of holidays because i was supposed to do holiday homework but i really really didn't....

i really don't know why I'm blogging when I have so much to do. this weekend i was supposed to:

• study maths for graphs internal on WEDNESDAY
• finish one art final painting by tomorrow
• do my motherfucking p.e 1.4 unit WHICH IS A WHORE
• practice for talent quest
• practice for choir (nationals in wellington is in 15 days omfg!!!!!!)
• start to learn speech and drama pieces 

NOPE DONE NOTHING NONE AT ALL WOW I SUCK

art is getting so intense. we're beginning to do boards now. i really wish i didn't lose my photograms because now I have awkward spaces in my board :(

also why do I suck at time management WHYYYYYYY

also this is the song i thought i might do for talent quest however I'm pretty sure my singing teacher disapproves so now idk what song to do

also when i watched batman i spent the first 10 minutes of it sitting on the ground because I was scared there would be a shooting (and we were at the front right near the fire exit)

also did you know that 3 guys who died in the colorado massacre were protecting their girlfriends from gunfire and they literally took a bullet for them. that makes me want to cry srsly

also ball photos make me want to kms

also not looking forward to ball next year because I have no possibilities for a date, no money, no good body for a ball dress, no boobs, and probably braces....

also i'm going to fail mocks

also physics is the bane of my existance

also which subject trip/exchange should i take

also

butts

sweet sixteenth

today (yesterday?) was so so so lovely. I really do think this has been the nicest birthday since ever.

So, the moment it struck 12:00am on July 5th, I kinda just sat there looking at my facebook page like, now what...? And didn't really know what to do haha.

And then the first birthday greeting came in at 12:02am and I instantly thought of this meme:

and then my epic awesomeness of a brother strolls into my room at around 12:05am with a bundle that was my present wrapped in his maroon sweater (because he didn't have wrapping paper hahaha) and he's like 'guess what it is'

and as a joke im like 'lol a phone'

and he's like what

and i'm like ' i said a phone'

and he gets this look

and im like o wut

and open it 

and

it

is
a
fucking
phone
like
omfg

he got me a sony xperia U!!!!!

LIKE HI CAN WE GET BEST BROTHER OF THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE AWARD OVER HERE PRONTO PLZ HOLY SHIT

so I was all fucking giddy and shit and its such a cute phone but i researched it and apparently it only has 4gb of usuable memory storage space and you cant expand on that memory size so it's not really usuable since my phone is usually used for taking photos/listening to music and that takes up a lot of memory! So my brother is ofc so nice about it and he's going to trade it in for a HTC mobile that has expendable memory(?) on sunday. 

SRSLY LIKE WOW SORRY ALL MY FRIENDS BUT THIS WAS THE FUCKIGN BEST PRESENT

anyway i was playing on my phone and replying to fb birthday wishes until 2am and went to bed, woke up at 11am this morning and my mum went to go out and get the (fucking expensive) cake from eve's pantry (srsly not goign there again because it was a small as hell cake that cost $40 like wow gtfo plz)

(tasted good though)

Anyway, I get up, take a shower (sorry im just going into really deep details ok) and reply to facebook/tumblr/twitter msgs bcz yolo. then i go out to the $2 shop with my mum to get candles and we picked up new L plates as well because my old one has lost all its stickyness and is in tatters after being used for 6 months...

I clean my incredibly messy room and start getting ready for people to come over at 3:30 for the 'preparty beauty day sesh' thingy.

and i wait

and no one comes

and i wait

and it's 4pm

and im like wut

and lizzi comes at 4:10pm and im like wow where da fuq is everyone (because meilin, cherry, lizzi and jo said they were all coming to this preparty thing) and so we just do our nails and it was really like... tranquille haha

.... which is not generally what you want for your birthday (pre)party but ok.

but yeah cherry says she has to clean the house for her mum which im sure she couldnt help and meilin had a bad misunderstanding and thought when i asked her if she was coming, i was asking about the actual dinner and not the preparty thing, so she wasnt coming either...

then joanna came at 5pm from church and then it was crunch time since lizzi and i had just been bumming around haha

so ofc it takes me/us longer than expected to get ready and then we get onto the bus at 5:55pm and we're supposed to meet at 6pm hahahahha

so the 3 of us (wearing heels) hobble over from the bus stop to the restaurant(s) (Elliott Stables Epicurean Village btw) and it's 6:20 when we get there and everyone is waiting

...except from meilin, who thought it started at 7pm lmaooooooooo

and she sends us this text at 6:35pm like "IM IN THE CAR ALREADY SO I DEFOZ WON'T BE LATE"

LOL NO MEILIN UR ALREADY 35 MINUTES LATE HAHAHAHAHA

so elliott stables place is like, this place with around 10 restaurants surrounding this general area where you can sit and eat together even if you get stuff from different restaurants (kind of like a foodcourt but nicer and with waiters)

and among those 10 very different restaurants (mexican, japanese, carribean, italian, grill, german sausage, latin american, french, vegeterian, deserts...) we somehow go to only TWO. the italian restaurant where people just got pasta, and the grill restaurant where people got steak hahahaahaha. even after we went around to each restaurant taking menus!

(sorry if im not really coherent rn im trying to do it as fast as i can while everythings sorta fresh in my mind...)

it was a nice ambient atmosphere and there was live entertainment (which turned out being just one guy on a guitar in the middle of the general area) but there was lots of laughing and it was a nice joyful occasion... with lots of camera flashes and very bad photos ofc

[omg Lizzi's family friend (sorta?) guy was sitting at the table next to ours and apparently he was the ex of Lizzi's mum's best friend so he wasn't really welcome in their 'group' anymore and she hadn't seen him for over a year. But he kept coming over and asking if we wanted him to take a photo of all of us and it was nice and all but it was definitely making Lizzi pretty uncomfortable whoops!]

ok well, i got the steak teehee it was good shit. there were tonnes of wedges + a real nice salad along with it.

and my brother had my parents' card and was just going around to pay whenever someone ordered and omg srsly he was just my favourite person today ok what a top chap

so when we got to the cake i had to go around to look for a big knife to cut the cake + 9 plates and cutlery, right? and we went to big little grill, the delectable desserts place, besos latinos and none of them were willing to give me a knife. and then i went to the de niro place and they were so sweet about it! and i felt so bad asking for cutlery after asking for 9 plates and after asking for a knife but they were so great and joked around and wished me happy birthday and i was like awwww.

so yeah go to De Niro at elliott stables because they are GC's

and then we tried to put the candles onto the cake and it was so fail because they kept falling over and we had to stab them in and omg just typical dysfunction...

after an embarrassingly loud happy birthday song in a very busy dining area and my fail blowing out of candles...

.... we opened presents yay!!!!!

joanna's $100+ gift omg

okay so in total these are all the presents I've gotten for my 16th :)

• From Qi'an: Phone - Sony Xperia U
• From Sueyeon: Black boot heels (and a Ms Higgins cookie haha)
• From Lizzi: Teal Dress from Valleygirl that I wore for the party and that i adoREEE
• From Jade: Dry Shampoo, false eyelashes, Liquid eyeliner, Dr Lewinn's body scrub and face exfoliant (which looks amazing and i can't wait to try it out) and purple sparkly nail polish 
• From Cherry: Fucking awesome jewellery thingys that she MADE, lollies, a chinese 'rat' picture frame, and an adorable drawing from Chelsea (who obviously has Cherry's mad skillzz in art hahaa)
• From Josh: Covergirl Lashblast Mascara (which I totally already guessed he would get me because cmon it's josh)
• From Charlie: (Purple) Earphones that I'm using rn that are epic
• From Meilin: Gorgeous knitted white and black striped sweater (and a condom) (which i totally predicted would be given to me by someone)
• From Mei: Purple sweatpants that I am going to fucking LIVE IN FROM NOW ON and a hilarious card that my brother called verging on pornographic that I will upload below
• From Joanna: FUCKING VERSACE BRIGHT CRYSTAL PERFUME like omg so expensive i am unworthy of your gift holyshit

and I'm pretty sure Steph got me Wreck This Journal :B

So, yeah, I gave everyone a hug and told them to gtfo and go home and that was that :)

also my whole family are very embarrassing over me having guy friends.

"WAS THAT YOUR BOYFRIENDDDDDD?"

"noooo GOD FOR THE LAST TIME WE'RE JUST FRIENDS"

my brothers reaction to this card from mei was the funniest ever and also very awkward 

"IS THIS WHAT KIDS ARE INTO THESE DAYS?! OH GOD ARE THOSE TWO GUYS LYING TOGETHER?!"

And I got so many notifications on Facebook I was going crazy replying to all of them 

attractive bunch we are, i know.

you should see the previous photo to that one omg hahahaha

walking in heels wasnt as difficult as I expected it to be! especially since after the party I walked with my brother and Amy to Amy's car which was parked eons away in a carpark and I survived stairs, uphill, downhill and cobbled footpath aw yeahhhh

going to watch spiderman tmrw! after swimming at 11:10am sigh. i am so screwed for my personal response hahahaha its due tomorrow (email in) and I haven't even started it....

holidays have been super busy so far! cathee and renee are in new york which im super jealous about and Sueyeon is in Tonga doing missionary work. Lucky girls....

it's been a long time since i've posted so I'll just say here: OUR CHOIR GOT INTO NATIONALS AND WE'LL BE GOING TO WELLINGTON ON THE 15TH OF AUGUST AND IM SO EXCITED :DDDD