You are not special.

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. 
You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. 



there are some people that are naturally at ease when in a situation where they are with people they don't know very well. they make friends easily. it's just... uncomplicated.

I, however, generally turn into an awkward, stumbling, im-sorry-i-think-ive-forgotten-how-to-use-words kind of mess. especially if it's someone who is 'cool' or like, intimidating idk.
at least, that's how i am when i have no support system around. but it's strange because when i do have that support system of friends - even if it is just one person- everything is so much easier and i feel so much more relaxed.

like, wow, coolest fucking story ever vicky. you're not special. this isn't a revelation.everyone feels like this, most of the time. please stop boring us.

i am boring me.


some people are hilarious in real life. and then on the internet they are just so... lost. and cringeworthy.
and then some people are hilarious online, but are ridiculously awkward in reality.

i don't even know which one is better anymore.
technologically driven society, i guess.

wow i couldn't spell technologically just then
technoligcally technoligilly technlacilly technolalalacly technadkf;adf;kly
thanks spell check
you're welcome vicky


if you're wondering why i bothered to make this incredibly pointless post
it's because i am procrastinating. as usual.

havent even started studying maths or french. at all. i'm so screwed for maths. if i don't get excellence in this internal, i can't get maths endorsed this year. fun, right?




idk sometimes i just want to curl up in a ball under my covers and just stay there for a whole day. watch the light filter in through the gaps of the curtains, then watch it fade away with the sunset.

pretty sure this is a normal feeling to get when you are a teenager.
pretty sure feeling fat is a normal feeling too.

oooooooh~~ no vicky don't bring over the pity party.
or the "you're not faaaaaat~~~" encouragers

lol please it's not a call for attention, it's an honest musing from my mind.

i am, however, feeling much more healthier lately.
(excluding today and yesterday where i got those $5 kfc lunch packs yesterday and ate a whole bag of pods and got a $5 bk whopper jr deal today shhhhhhh fuck cheap delicious food)

mondays i usually have netball practice in the morning, pilates afterschool (which starts at 4 and for the half an hour beforehand i 'train' in the school gym) and then swimming right after that.
tuesdays i sometimes have umpiring (does that count as exercise idk)
wednesdays i have badminton
saturdays i have netball

in addition to p.e. right now being horrendous since we're doing a WHOLE TERM of rogaine ugh?!

idk it's a lot more activity than i usually have. and then on days i dont have organized sport, i try to squeeze in this workout:

and according to jade this one's very good but i haven't personally tried it:

yeah you're welcome. WHEN U START FITTING IN DEM SIZE 8 JEANS U REMEMBER TO MENTION VICKY XU IN YOUR PRAYERS BEFORE BEDTIME.

got my mum to do the bootyshakin workout with me once hahaha. comedic gold. 

oh yeah, speaking of umpiring (way up there), i did my first umpiring session a week ago and wow did i feel like a bitch throughout the whole game. crushing little year 7 hearts. i think i made a girl cry.

"the whistle makes me their god" - as spoken by a certain dean winchester on a certain supernatural show.

not feeling too bad at school right now. apart from maths and maybe french I feel like I'm coping pretty well in class and all the material seems relatively easy.

nek minnit exam results??????? idk

all i know is i want that double science prize at the end of the year so sosososo bad.

(shh vicky it's not orthodox to admit your goals on the internet when everyone knows theres a slim as shit chance of you achieving them.)

YEAH FUCK YOU SOCIETY..... from vicky.

*unattractive snigger*

inside joke dw

wow is it already 1:40am? this is why i shouldn't take 4 hour naps during the day. apparently i snore when i nap. yeah, well, i probably snore when im tired and when im tired i nap SO.




i am so looking forward to this weekend.
expect pictures.

not on facebook though.


photos that are posted on facebook that shouldn't be on facebook and everyone who posts these kinds of pictures lose my respect like ~that.
(only applies to people under 18 tbh)
(and only if you're a shithole)

• photos of you blatantly posing while holding alcohol up like wow u are a hard cunt 
• photos of you macking on your boyfriend/girlfriend bro have u heard of class ESPECIALLY IF YOU'VE ONLY BEEN 'GOING OUT' FOR LIKE, 3 DAYS.
• omg speaking of that
• PEOPLE WHO POST STUPID INDIRECT STATUSES ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY "~MISS" SOME STUPID CRUSH OR LOVE THEM SO MUCH OR CHEESY SHIT THAT MAKES ME WANT TO THROW UP LIKE UGH SHUT UP
• people who send me temple run /other game requests (i am srs if i get another one of those i am looking u up in the college list and I WILL BE HIDING UNDER YOUR BED AT NIGHT)
• people in general

hehe bcz of tumblr the 'insults' #asshole #homo #bastard and #faggot all have positive connotations to me now.

wow misha collins is such an #asshole look at him fucking prancing around doing charity work in haiti who do u think u are fucking perfect human being #bastard dammit jared padalecki u are not allowed to be around babies wtf u have a baby now why would u do that ughhhhhhhhhh

wow one direction wow you are just beautiful little #faggots i hate you so much why stop stupid zayn u are a #homo stop with your blatant eye sexing with harry no wait louis why are u such a sassy piece of rainbow shit FUCK U

ok sorry i got a little carried away

how do u blog

i cant remember

i suck

wow looked back on my 'people i'd like to bang' list and am inwardly cringing

however, i think you should all check out this fine piece of talented ass.

omg i just realised that everyone who reads this blog already follows my twitter already so this is all a bit redundant...

bio exam tmrw. have done chem and english so far. pretty alright for both, not super confident but at the same time not hopeless devastated. i am so fucked for maths on thursday though ohohohooooooo

i really really just want exams to be over and done with so that i can relax

after all my exams, i am going to:

• watch all 7 seasons of supernatural (eek so excited)
• finish reading fallout and tricks by ellen hopkins
• watch all 6 seasons of how i met your mother
• read multiple destiel fics
• finish rearranging poster wall
• read all the new twilight fics that are spamming up my inbox
• watch pretty little liars
• fucking enjoy life

guys my english teacher still hasnt sent back my english essay and i think i'm going to cry omg WHY WON'T YOU REPLY MR H WHY!?!?!?!?!!? exam is on tuesday and i want to memorise my essay but what if its a merit-worthy essay and not an excellence-worthy essay so if i started memorising it now, it would all be in vain omg

tuesday morn: english

wednesday: FREE
thursday morn: science
thursday aftn: french

friday morn: social studies
friday aftn: art

i think i'm functioning pretty well for someone on four hours sleep

my sexy face is sexy. thank you powerade. 

okay winnie and yujie, HELP ME PRETTY PLZ WITH A CHERRY (lol hi cherry) ON TOP! for my art wood carving pic up there^ what should i do for the top left hand square (it's got a horizontal line passing through the middle of it to divide it into two sections, so i need to put two things into it) on the blank right hand side of the left section of the board, i was thinking of doing one of 

these sprial shells (but with the narrow point at the top of the page) 

and then for the bottom right hand square of the RIGHT side of the carving, have this shell ->
but have it standing upright. i still dunno about the top left hand square though......

back to studying, i guess.

OH BTW, VICKY IS MUCHOS HAPPY ABOUT THE POSTERS IN THE NEW GF MAGAZINE.

creepy face is done on purpose, just sayin.

where has the excellency gone?

i dont know why, but my grades have been slipping lately.
either i've stopped trying as hard or I'm just getting shittier at everything.

life sucks.

......... and i should be studying.

ouchies

well, slap my arse and call me sally.

I finally did it. I crippled myself :(

After badminton today (which was hilarious, btw) i was just messing around with some other randoms and joanna with basketballs, and i like, fucking, collapsed on my ankle. there was a really gross crunch sound that i heard and it HURT SO FUCKING BAD. I don't think i broke/fractured it or whatever since i can move it, but it's definitely badly sprained. Actually, it might be fractured cuz it seriously is sooooo painful.

So, we were all the way at the sports center and my mum was at the chapel, waiting for me. Joanna piggy backed me all the way to the robertson circle place with all my bags and shit. such a trooper (I LOVE YOU!).

Anyway, got home, lay on bed, suffered and got to the point where i was holding back tears (i'm a pussy i know), and i was like MUMMMMMM HELLPP MEEEEEEEE. and of course, she thought a suitable solution was acupuncture. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
i mean, i guess it wasnt that bad. i just kinda got over the fact that there were little pins sticking out of my skin at various points in my body and the fact that i felt like a pincushion/voodoo doll and just dealt with it, lol. there were some ones that REALLY HURRTTT, but yknw, i'm tough. B| she also used like, this little electroshock thing, omg it was just... so.... naidfo;sdf.

so, today, i was totally expecting to get back like, all of the exams, and was really excited/nervous/anxious of them. turned out to be incredibly anticlimatic. only got back two: maths (Merit D:) and english (Ex, Ex). I was pretty surprised i got excellence in unfamiliar texts in eng, cuz i'm usually so shit at it, but this year i'm actually LEARNING stuff in english (SHOCK HORROR GASP!). crazy! who knew you go to school to LEARN and get an education? Pshaw. Ummm, pretty gutted about the maths result lol. only 7 people in our entire class got Excellences, so that makes me feel better haha. Algds though, I can work on it for end of year exams (NCEA OMG).

parents arent letting me go to school tmrw though (ohthankgod, can you imagine me hopping around the school like a big dick?) i think i might just email my subject teachers and ask for my exam results cuz i really want to know.  i want to go to the hospital tmrw to see if its broken or not :/

My brothers girlfriend called just before and i was like "Lol, hi?" cuz u knw, i'd think she'd want to talk to my bro. But she started talking about vampire diaries, and i was like :D cuz i lent her season 1 and pretty much forced her to watch it, and she diiiiddd, and SHE'S TEAM DAMON, SO SUCK IT MEI/other pple who are team stefan. but lol, she started watching it on saturday and now its only wednesday and she's finished it all, and she's liek "omg damons so hot!! andifjsdfsdf damon kissed elena but it was really katherine, etc.... do you have season 2?!?!?!?" and im like lol nup sorry. YES SHES OBSESSED WITH THE VAMPIRE DIARIIIEESSS!!! I'm pretty much this close from saying to her "... WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!!!" and giving her a big hug.

speaking of 'this close'. this mornings choir rehearsal was a frickin' disaster. I came in five minutes late (as usual) but i actually did try really hard this morning not to, and woke up really early and i wudve got there at like, half past, except my dad wasnt awake yet so i had to wait for him and shit. and she was soooo pissed when i walked in and was all like "YOU'RE LATE" and sheepishly, i'm like "yeah... um, sorry :(". after me, FIVE people walked in late, including michelle who is ALSO ALWAYS LATE and she normally comes in at EIGHT which is twenty minutes late but our choir teacher never yells at her. and plus she's been at kahunui so she really shudnt be late since she needs all the practice she can get. anyway, michelle, if ur reading this, im just using you as an example, i'm not like, trying to hate on you or nuthin'. well, our choir was sounding pretty shit so ms director gave us a big lecture and walked out on us and we were just sitting there liek ".... what.". so, we rehearsed on our own and a couple of other music teachers including ms G came out and they gave us big lectures and told us that ms director was crying in the staffroom and we were liek D: omg what?!  I mean, every other year i've done choir, i've never heard of anyone practising outside of the rehearsals and we've always got like, silvers and gold awards. I don't want to blame the new director, but thats the only changed variable, yknw? Like, fuck, i've worked HARDER than other years and we still sound shit, like, i practice at home and stuff, but tbh, it seems to be having an opposite effect, yknw? But yeah, competitions in less than a weeks time, and our choir isnt sounding or feeling very confident. If she was so worried and upset about us that it resulted in her breaking down, i dont understand why she couldn't just suck up her pride after breaking down and come back out again, to show HER commitment, since obviously, we need her as a conductor to practice efficiently. I don't like quitters.

Well, my feet are cold after icing them for so long. apparently you're only supposed to ice them for 30 minutes but i iced them for .... 4 hours? hmmm.....

i guess i had quite a good day? lol, even though i'm complaining so much, i actually felt really positive and easy going today. like, the smile wasnt forced at all. i guess that's kind of a gift, the fact that its not necessary for me to force my smiles most of the time. it just comes naturally? IDK, even with all the shit that's happened today.... maybe thats why i wasnt as gutted about my M in maths?

We also did science ICAS today. it was alright. not expecting too much from it, although a high distinction would be VERY NICE.

here's what i drew for joanna describing her bad day. (i was bored )







The End.

i like long lists.

omg there are so many movies i want to watch right now (or whenever they come out)

• beastly (alex pettyfer, vanessa hudgens, mary kate olsen, neil patrick harris)
• thor (chris hemsworth, natalie portman, kat dennings - azn group have already seen it except for me)
• xmen first class (meh actors, looks SOOO good though)
• water for elephants (robert pattinson, reese witherspoon - looks goood) 
• we need to talk about kevin (reading the book right now haha)
• it's kind of a funny story (LOOKS SO EFFING GOOD OMG, emma roberts, zach galifianakis)
• perks of being a wallflower (emma watson, logan lerman, nina dobrev)
• chicago (renee zellwegar, catherine zeta jones, richard gere, queen latifah - i havent seen it and i want to)
• hanna (saoirse ronan, eric bana LOOKS INTENSE)
• sleeping beauty (emily browning, looks interesting, albeit pretty fucking dodgy)
• the hangover II (um, everyone from hangover 1. HELLO, ITS THE SEQUEL TO HANGOVER, of course i want to watch it)
• transformers 3 (um HELLO ITS THE SEQUEL TO TRANSFORMERS 1 & 2!)
• monte carlo (selena gomez, leighton meester, katie cassidy, cory monteith ADFSDFSDLF look at the cast.... plus, it looks funny)
• the art of getting by (emma roberts, freddie highmore, i have no idea what its really about but the trailer makes it look reaallllyyy good)
• twelve  (chace crawford, emma roberts, 50cent - AKDSFLKSJDF CHACE CRAWFORD, MY LOVE and he's basically poor nate in this, but a drug dealer.)
• in the land of women (kristen stewart, adam brody, meg ryan)
• welcome to the rileys (kristen stewart as a stripper YEEEAHHH lol jk it looks deep though)
• how to make love to a woman (ian somerhalder but SHIT it looks funny!!!)
• the killing game (kellan lutz, nina dobrev.... um yeah, look at the cast?!)
• immortals (kellan lutz, isabel lucas, joseph morgan)

YEAH, SEE HOW POTC4 ISNT ON THERE? CUZ I DONT WANT TO SEE IT. but everyone else wants to watch it for some reason and i'm just like UGH. i never found potc interesting, idk why. 

i also want to read/finish reading

• perks of being a wallflower
• it's kind of a funny story
• looking for alaska
• unbearable lightness
• we need to talk about kevin
• cosa notra - history of sicilian mafia. (lol i have a thing for mafia stuff.)
• twelve

SO MANY BOOKS/MOVIES NOT ENOUGH TIME.
i have to stop watching trailers on youtube or else this list is gonna get even longer....

had french and social studies exams today. social studies was a mad fluke. i finished 1 minute before the end, and my hand was so sore from writing out my essay - four pages long!!! i completely forgot to pay attention to structure though ... fuck. french was alright, not feeling to confident about how i did in grammar/writing. i've got a completely exam free day tmrw! yay! will study for science and english B|

.... what?

LOLWTF? UMMMMM. has someone been hitting the refresh button a couple too many times?

WOOHOO! GO WHOEVER YOU ARE!! :D

i was just saying to maria how stupid i am. so, i've got a maths exam tmrw and a french listening exam. ive got  french reading/writing on tuesday and social studies. then, on wednesday i've got a day off, thursday i've got science in the morning and on friday i've got eng and art. all this time, i shud've just been studying maths, french and social studies, cuz i'll have plenty of time during the whole day wednesday to study science and whole afternoon/evening thursday to study english, cuz you cant really study for art anyway. AOJDF;SLDFSKDFN THIS IS SO RETARDED. WHY DIDNT I SEE THIS SOONER?

oh, yeah, btw jade, this is for you. :S + :L