So when you get rejected saying you're not good enough to get into choir, it's kind of a blow to the confidence gonads.
Yeah, yeah, I can still go join BWS but that's just going to be the reject choir, and if I thought this year was bad, then next year's BWS is gonna be hell, since there wont be any good people in the choir, unlike this year where there were still a couple who were pretty good.
of course, I thought i was one of the people who were pretty good.
guess not.
another thing is, choir's always there in my list of extracurriculars, and now that I havent gotten into SA, idk if i actually want to participate in BWS, so that means there won't be a choir in my extracurriculars. Even if I am in BWS, i'll just look like a pathetic little girl who can't actually sing so she has to join BWS.
and you know, I've stopped doing piano, and this is after my grade 8 exam which I only got a meager pass in, whereas now, all my friends have done grade 8 and have been getting distinctions and high distinctions and while I actually am happy for them, it makes me feel like even more of a failure.
I mean, I didn't even get into talent quest this year, so maybe I'm just getting signs left right and centre saying that I should quit singing. Spend the time and money used on it on something like piano instead.
But I'm not good at piano either, so....
I honestly can't catch a break. Everywhere I look, I'm just not good enough. Not good enough to win Top Academic Achievement, not good enough to get into saints, not good enough at singing, not pretty enough, not tall enough, not good enough at songwriting, piano, maths, writing, tumblring, and ffs, not good enough at being a good person even.
you know how much it sucks always being second place or always being the loser?
I'm really more embarrassed than anything else about this, but being the narcissistic whore that I am, I feel the need to complain about it so that people will say "OH, DONT WORRY, YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT SINGING" or some shit like that when it's not true. So, if you think i'm seeking attention, you're probably right. (just in case u didn't think i didn't already know...)
Bottom line is:
I thought I was good at something, but apparently I'm not.
Welcome to my life.
SHUT UP VICKY. I mean, sure. You may not be a child prodigy, but I bet you're in the country's top 1 percent for maths. You're pretty darn good at everything academic, esp. science, you're an amazing musician and an excellent fangirl. But I'm going to go all cliche and cheesy and say that I don't give a damn about that because what I care about is that you're a bloody good friend and I can always rely on you and it feels awful when you feel awful. I mean you can go and wallow in self pity (which is what I would do) or you can just try other stuff and keep being amazing, which is what you should do. I sound like a mum, or something, and I also sound like a horrible person, but you should be proud that you're an amazing friend and you mean a lot (A LOT) to me.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Your annoying friend Sophie.
Did you know I didn't get anything in prizegiving in either year 9 or 10? I actually still wonder to this day how this happened lol, I felt pretty shit about it back then but after a while I thought hey doesn't matter, I was happy with my performance that year and that's all that I should be bothered with caring about.
ReplyDeleteAlso did you know that Charlotte Robinson didn't get into Saints Alive in Year 11 either? She has an amazinggg voice. Sometimes there's just not enough space. Plus, priority is given to year 12s and 13s. Try again next year :)
Sometimes these things just happen. You can blame yourself all you want but if you take a look around, second place is still above so many more people -- just because you aren't the BEST at something doesn't mean you're not good at it. Plus, there will ALWAYS be someone (probably an asian kid) better than you.
Chin up and smile :)
And also, you ARE a really good singer. Just saying. :)
ReplyDeleteI can assure you, you're a great singer, and you don't need a stupid school choir to prove it. You can always re-audition next year, and then this year you can think about all the advantages of not having choir, like having free lunchtimes! :)
ReplyDelete