motivation

Today we’re going to talk a little about motivation. I’ve currently made it to the middle of my holidays and let me tell you, out of the piles of work I have facing me these holidays I have done not one bit of it. I’ve pathetically “worked” on my TOK plan and done a couple UMAT drills, but I have achieved nothing of substance. The to-do list on my whiteboard is dismally uncrossed, unchecked, and unaccomplished.

“But it’s good that you’re having a rest! You’ve been working so hard!” I see two problems with this claim you’re giving me to feel better about myself. One, I haven’t even been enjoying my holidays. For the most part, I’ve slept it away. And not in a good way. I go to bed late and I wake up late. I go to bed late doing stupid unnecessary things like starting a movie at 1am or going on a trailer-watching binge on Youtube. I really don’t know how I manage to pull it off. The sun sets so fast, you can barely catch it. Two, I have not been working hard in the school term. I really haven’t. I’ve felt no sense of motivation for the latter part of Term 2 and it’s really just getting worse. I don’t know why I feel like this because unlike previous years, I didn’t have a successful run of mid-year exams to make me feel like I was safe and satisfied with where I was at. I did shit in mid-years (well, not shit, but not a 45). That should’ve motivated me. It didn’t.

I started off the year so great. I had weekly self-evaluations where I thought about how productive I had been that week and whether I had wasted too much time on unnecessary frivolities. Fuck, I even kept a scrapbook of my done-wells and could-improve-this-weeks.

I’ve lost the motivation and the drive that I so wholeheartedly emphasize in my applications and CVs. How do I get it back? I’ve told myself I need to get it back for so long but still have not done anything to actively look for it.

I am currently in a dense, dark forest tripping on twigs that I have laid down myself. Twigs that I yell at for being in the way whilst complaining about whoever laid down those twigs in the first place. How dare you shed your limbs, tree!!!! How dare I kick them directly into my own path!!!!

So I thought it was time to bring back something that has worked for me before. Chastising myself publicly on a semi-open forum, on the internet. Funny our generation, isn’t it?

I suddenly remembered last night that I had completely forgotten about “3 things”. I thought to myself: if I did ‘3 things’ today, what would I write about? I would write about my pretty-looking breakfast of breakfast at 2:30pm (though I put 3.5 tablespoons of baking powder instead of 3.5 teaspoons…). I would write about my brother chasing me around the house begging me to make a 3-minute brownie for him after I had JUST made one for my dad and one for myself. And I would talk about reading a painfully angsty (but delightfully so) novel on a whim (which I started yesterday at 4pm and finished at 3am).

Sidenote: the book was called Love, Rosie and I watched the trailer for the upcoming movie on youtube first and then decided to read it. The movie has Lily Collins and Sam Claflin so their faces stayed in my mind for the whole of my reading journey. The book is basically seven seasons of shitty day-time TV plotlines crammed into 450 pages which sounds awful but it was very enjoyable. You can read it here if you want: http://marimarister.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/cecilia-ahern-love-rosie.pdf

Anyway!!!! MOTIVATION!!!! Yes, well, the whole reason I brought up the “three things” thing is that if I looked back on that day, sure, I saw positives but it really was emphasized to me how little shit I actually accomplished. And lemme tell you, that was one of my most productive days of these holidays!!!!

So hello world, this is me (etc etc to tune of saddle club song) I am here to get myself motivated. I thought I could just write “goals of term 3 holidays” on my whiteboard and just motivate myself with that word: “goals”. “Goals” always sounds better than “assignments and other shit I actually have to complete”.

But now I need PROPER goals. Goals I can chip away at. How about we start here:

• ·      Wake up before 10am

There we’ve already got one that’s probably quite achievable! But in order to get that one done, we need this one:

• ·      Go to bed before 2am.

You might consider that late but I can’t write “go to bed before 1am” cuz it just aint gonna happen.

Here’s some I’m gonna have to make sure I stick to if I actually want to get shit done:

• ·      No more tv shows or movies unless it’s a weekend and before 9pm.
• ·      No facebook/twitter/youtube from 8am – 8pm

And here are some that are either going to be a bitch to maintain or actually be okay:

• ·      Minimum 45 minutes of UMAT practice everyday
• ·      Minimum hour work on EE everyday

It’s small, but I sure do hope it gets me going.

OK so let’s motivate ourselves here. What are we doing this all for? For our futures, goddammit!!!!! Why do we subject ourselves to self-loathing and feeling sluggish and gross for not doing anything when the answer is staring us right in the face?!?!?! GET OFF YOUR BUTT VICKY!!! The storm has passed, the sun is out, and the sky is fucking blue!!!! Why are you taking naps from 3pm to 6:30pm?? Why do you set an alarm at 9:30am and wake up at 12 instead?

I can’t keep calling myself hard-working if I don’t work. I can’t keep complaining about being unproductive and then not go and be productive!!! It makes no sense, and I don’t know what I’m doing it! It’s so fucking dangerous getting into a cycle of laziness because it’s so hard to crawl out of. Do you know why it’s hard to crawl out of? Because when youre that lazy, you don’t even fucking move, let alone crawl1!!!!!

I can’t keep dreaming about Harvard and Medical School and 45s if I don’t actually actively work for it!!! People are so hard working all around me! My parents, my friends, my teachers… so why am I still on my ass every night doing shit-all?

Youtube videos about motivation isn’t going to motivate you. No matter if it’s iiSuperwomanii telling you or Crashcourse psychology, motivation comes from inside you. You can’t drive yourself if you’re slamming on the brakes, if you’re refusing to touch the accelerator and if you’re too lazy to move your fat foot to change gears and stop freaking stalling!!!!

THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO DO AND SO MUCH YOU CAN ACHIEVE AND YOU HAVE TO START NOW OR YOU’LL COME CRYING BACK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU COULD HAVE ACHIEVED AND HOW MUCH TIME YOU WASTED AND HOW MUCH YOU REGRETTED EVERYTHING!!!! BUT LIKE EVERYTIME, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A THING!!!

There are still 11 days of holidays. Make up for the last 10 days of nothingness. You have an opportunity to make up for lost time. It’s not too late, it’s time to get your shit together and get serious about whether or not you really want it. Do you want it? You do, you tell yourself you do, you know you do, you tell others you do. But it’s moved to the back of your head and you think you’ll be able to get it without trying. You won’t. It’s as simple as that. You need to work to see results. You need to put your time and your sleep and your energy and your soul and your fucking BRAIN into that shit!!!! You will not be able to sail through this term, and these holidays, and the exam period like you’ve been doing in the past. You will not. Not if you want what you want. You can’t afford to be demotivated. You can’t start term 3 like you ended term 2. You can’t carry that mentality into term 3. People say shit about “there’s no such thing as ‘can’t’” and they are fucking wrong because you CAN’T KEEP PULLING THIS SHIT AND PULLING THE WOOL OVER YOUR EYES!!!! YOU CAN-FUCKING-NOT.

There is such thing as can’t because there is such thing as “can” and you are going to open a “can” of whoop-ass on your work and stop fucking around ok

A busy few weeks

I HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IM SO SORRY I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I'VE MANAGED TO NEGLECT THIS BLOG SO MUCH

I dont even want to go into detail into anything bcs i know it'll just make me drag out this blog post and never post it (see: ball blog post -- oh wait, u cant because i NEVER FINISHED IT AND IT'S JUST IN MY DRAFTS)

Okay so off the top of my head:

1. DRAGON BOATING TODAY!!!

WE WON (IN OUR HEARTS)!!!!!!!!!! technically we came third in the grand final but we came third to the two EGGS teams and they're crazy intense and train all year round and have trials and go to nationals and have won gold 15 years in a row so... alg. Came bronze last year as well. Today was so tiring wow!!! Got a ride with becca but was meant to be at her house at 6:25... except i slept fully through my alarm and woke up to my phone ringing at 6:45 with becca's mum wondering where i was and saying that she could pick me up from my house (she is such a gb omg she bought me two pain au chocolats i JUST????????)

once again the ZM guy said to us during the chant competition "this is the most attractive school" just like last year, and he was like "wouldn't mind coming across you guys on tinder" lmfao. pretty sure his prejudice led him to announce us as the "loudest school" at the end of the day and so we won a box of CDs hahahaha shweet (I managed to scramble up the eminem cd... which is better than the kim dotcom cd haha)

2. HOUSE FLOWERS ON FRIDAY!!!

omg this has been stressing me out (but nowhere near as much as it's been stressing anna out) we ended up doing a leprechaun and we fuCKING WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?????????? I KNOW RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! we actually were so efficient with building the structure and only stayed 2 hours after school wednesday and were finished by thursday lunchtime.

On the day Anna and I got there 6:15 and went down to the bus stop to take some of the totara (maybe?) in the frickin dark and thus commenced our very long day of patient flower/leaf weaving and placing into chicken wire. about two hours in we decided it looked really messy and a little shit so we restarted most of it (the 4 leaf clover base, the jacket of the leprechaun, the hat) making it so that it was singular leaves weaved in rather than branches of leaves.

we had a pot of gold (with 'gold' inside the pot that glowed due to the fairy lights placed inside) a leprechaun with a hat, beard, bowtie, jacket, pants, vest, and striped socks, standing on a four leaf clover.

the other houses did amazing sculptures as well, it was honestly one of the best house flowers in years. 

dunblane: lucky cat (with chocolate coins dangling in bg and on floor)

lindisfarne: day of the dead skull

melrose: anzac poppy commemorating 100th anniversary of ww1 (unabashedly sucking up lol)

durham: japanese fan with paper cranes and a really cute/heartbreaking story about a japanese girl

iona: indian elephant (with bark from junior school playground)

 york: sombrero (with orange + carrot hands and an 'Hola!" made up of carrot slices

kelso: russian dolls

anna and i were so shocked when we found out we won

it was awesome

3. World Vision Conference

THIS WAS SO AWESOME I'M SO GLAD I WENT OMFG IM SO PUMPED TO PROMOTE 40 HOUR FAMINE THIS YEAR OMFG I SWEAR I CRIED AT THIS CONFERENCE AT LEAST 5 SEPARATE TIMES AND FELT SO OVERWHELMED THROUGH THE MAJORITY OF IT OMG???? the presenters were so fucking funny and everything was so moving and touching and perfect. they got us to play this game with origami where we were placed into a country (i was ukraine woohoo) and they told us our goal was to survive by sustaining our land with enough farms (origami cows) and cities (origami houses) but we could also choose to expand our empire by building army trucks and buses. We expanded quite a lot and got to 30 different towns/cities/ports and invaded a lot of land (but not land with people!). It was funny when Russia was taken over by another country and there were russian refugees and we (ukraine) were like COME TO US!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha the presenters at the end were like "russian refugees were readily accepted by the ukraine team -- HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS AT ALL LATELY???" but yeah we wanted more people in our team because it meant we could make the origami faster. in the end they were like; "what was the point of that exercise?" and after a few answers it was discovered that it was "to survive" except instead of that and being happy with our equal, resourceful pieces of land, we expanded and as a consequence, 10% of the population became refugees due to war. WE CREATED OUR OWN INEQUALITY, OUT OF PURE GREED AND BOREDOM JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE. i sat there in shock while he revealed this omfg.

we were thinking this year of makign 40 hour famine a house event ^_^ more competition, more interest, more checkups.

4. MUFTI DAY

year13 dressed up as grannies and grandpas

6. this reenactment of the creation of adam with cerys using chicken feet in bio

ultimate high five hang

24/02/2014

So much has happened since my last update! I apologize for my negligence but I'm going to try really hard to keep this blog updated from now on. Basically last week was Athletics Day (which went pretty okay imo); a lot of practices for the Athletics Day house captain dance (I GOT HEAPS OF COMPLIMENTS AFTERWARDS FROM PPL BEING LIKE EH GURL U GOT MOVES and i was like omg u dnt knw how much that means to me consdering i cant dance for shit THX!!! also i had the luigi head on during the whole dance and couldn't see ANYTHING) and then i got a shitload of homework for the weekend.

O yeah speaking of the weekend, on saturday i went to an "alcohol awareness" conference because jo was desperate for ppl to go from service because apparently it would be helpful for our SADD project this year BUT LEMME TELL U IT WAS NOT HELPFUL AT ALL!! nevertheless i do not regret going because I got "best speaker/most enthusiastic participant/idk" and won a $30 westfield gift voucher aw yisssss!!!! Some ppl r real ignorant when it comes to drinking and the drinking culture tbh. omg we were discussing "ways to avoid the dangerous consequences of drinking" and suggestions included

• mentally training yourself to associate alcohol with your parents ie look at a bottle of alcohol and force yourself to think of your parents so that everytime you see alcohol u are guilted into thinking of your parents so that you're put off drinking AKA BRAINWASHING YOURSELF
• finding 'more responsible friends who won't drink/wont drink too much' aka giving up on the idea of having any friends at all
• avoiding situations where there is the possibility of getting drunk aka BEING AN ANTISOCIAL HERMIT

i was sitting there with faizah and both of us were DYING from how ridiculous some of the suggestions were o m f g

also, i went to geo schol and our topic for this year is urbanisation and i was like F YEAH MY BROTHER'S UNDERGRADUATE DEGREE IS PLANNING I CAN JUST ASK HIM FOR ADDITIONAL INFO 

anyway, moving on to today:

1. Athletics Day results announced in assembly. ELGIN CAME 5TH OUT OF 8 HOUSES FUCK YES NOT LAST, NOT SECOND TO LAST, NOT EVEN THIRD TO LAST!!! SO STOKED OMFG WE CAME LAST IN 2013 THIS IS SUCH AN ACHIEVEMENT!!! Also at assembly all the house captains sat at the front and we presented the newly-appointed year 6 house captains a quilted cute house banner thing and omg the house captain for elgin did like a downward-pulling-reverse-fist-pumping motion (omg i totally forgot whether or not it has a name but it's associated with the "FUCK YES" expression) and anna went to high five the girls while she gave them the banner and so i put my hand up for a high five as well AND IT HUNG FOR 2 SECONDS WITHOUT THEM SEEING IT AND IT WAS THE LONGEST 2 SECONDS OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I SUDDENLY REALISED THE HUGE POSSIBILITY OF ME BEING TOTALLY REJECTED FOR A HIGH FIVE AND HAVING THE WHOLE FREAKIGN SCHOOL WITNESSING IT but eventually they saw me and high fived but omfg lemme tell u ive never been that terrified in my whole life
2. at dragonboating we did 3 races with other stcc team and another team full of adults and we won all three fuck yeh. OH on the drive back i convinced my dad to let me drive and this is the FIRST TIME HE'S WITNESSED ME DRIVING and he let me go on the motorway and he was like SO IMPRESSED WITH HOW CAPABLE I WAS WITH DRIVING and he kept saying "u can so pass the restricted test" and im like AW YEEEEEEEEEEE (ps he is so much more chill in the car than my mum is hahaha i always thought my dad would be the freak-outer while i was driving)
3. i was so productive at home omg i only even opened my laptop at 11pm (which is when everything went downhill and i started distracting myself)

pls treat that hoe respectfully ie do not superman that hoe

18/02/2014

IT'S DIFFICULT TO BLOG WHEN U HAVE NO TIME
quickly:

1. house captain dance making it's got 2 slut-drops (yis ma forte) and i had to learn the soulja boy dance which im sure will come in useful in the near future
2. did SATs so im calling it a successful day even though im going to bed after midnight
3. stage challenge set is going to be so cool this year!!!!!!!!!!! first meeting today


last few days: lantern festival + cherry's bday dinner; costume shopping; luigi business + head;

s club 7

14/02/2014

1. First House Meeting

Motto of that first 30 minutes standing in front of 150 students is: fake it till u make it. Seriously, I started off nervous because u dont wanna fuck up and have that set the tone for you as a leader for the whole year and i caught myself saying something that made no grammatical sense and i was like wtf vicky SWITCH ON!!! Taught the house a new chant from forum and everyone seemed to like it and got quite into it and I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT HOW ENTHUSED EVERYONE SEEMED TO BE!!!! Overall wasn't a terrifying experience and I'm glad I got the first one over because I'll be a lot more comfortable up there from now on. I'm hoping I didn't come off as awkward because I absolutely hate seeing people standing up there being awkward because then i get secondhand embarrassment SO i've decided that next time i'm just going to be my normal excited self and not worry that they may find me embarrassingly enthusiastic because, after all, i warned them in my speech!
Speaking of House stuff, I think I've emailed Ms Evans (my dean) at least 10 times today omg. Anna and I have been made admin to the mpower page and I legit just spent my Friday night (ON VALENTINES) formatting and editing the mpower page wtf why do i have no life???

2. TOK

omg so TOK today was so intense and it went from discussing child abuse and parenting with some controversial opinions being raised and an atmosphere that nearly gave me heart palpitations to suddenly a topic which brought upon the funniest extracurricular proposal and the most i've laughed since school began!!! the TOK discussion made me think so much though and I think it shaped my moral compass a bit and god i love it when u actually feel something inside you shift and ur like hmm...
and then we began talking about the morality of selling sex (and our teacher told us not to mention this out of class since she'd get fired but considering how low key this blog is i think we're fine) and we were like psh ppl should be able to do what they want with their bodies and Mrs B was cracking up like THIS IS A CHRISTIAN SCHOOL OMG GIRLS!!! SHOULD WE JUST START A SEX CLUB!??!!??! FUNDRAISING OPPORTUNITIES!!!! CAS!!!!! ST CUTHBERT'S SEX CLUB!!! and i think multiple people nearly pissed themselves laughing o m f g

3. Valentines day

Prefects did an A+ job (best prefect team at stcc ever tbh) and stuck internet funny valentines memes all around the school and played love song/valentines themed music before school incl hsm and justin timberlake and much of the classics and had a little dance party going on in the atrium hahaha. Then at lunchtime they did a "kissing booth" that involved no kissing but a game where u guess which celebrity that picture of a mouth belongs to, and if u get it right, u get a lolly! oh and some of them wore AGS uniform. And they went around the quad and stuff playing music and dancing.

EXTRA 4. History Tea Party
MS FRENCH BROUGHT A TEA TRAY WITH TEA AND BISCUITS AND WE HAD A LITTLE TEA PARTY IN HISTORY BECAUSE WE'RE STARTING WORLD WAR 1!

Leading GREEN TEAM

13/02/2014

Fun fact:

In Year 7, I tried for House Captain at Mt Roskill. It was one of the only legit leadership positions available at intermediate. I wrote an amazing speech, thought I was relatively popular, and had people I barely knew come up to me afterwards saying they'd voted for me.

I really thought I would get it.

But I didn't get House Captain that year. And I... was... devastated. It was the end of the world. I thought: what's the point if I spend the whole important year of Y8, leaders of the school, as a nobody?

That, combined with me being put into the worst teacher in the world's class for year 8 was all too much for my 12 year old brain and heart to handle. I cried at morning tea and I wasn't the only one who was majorly upset about their Y8 class. It really sucked. My parents sympathized. My dad made a call to St Cuth's and they gave me an interview time.

If you think about it, it all turned out for the better.

*~*~*~every closed door opens a new window*~*~*~

I came to St Cuths, and I sat in quiet new-girl shyness as I watched as Anna and Liv R and others do their house captain speeches on green cue cards in 8WA. I remember the first day of St Cuths where Mrs Walls got us to do a writing exercise comparing the art of writing to gardening. I remember discussing this topic and reading my mini dissertation out to the class from my silver sparkly durasealed not-even-a-1B5. I remember telling my dad in the car when he picked me up that for once, I actually felt like I had learnt something at school. It had been so long (a whole year of wasting my time at roskill as I was left to do independent study on topics I had mastered already while the teacher neglected me) since I had felt like I had learnt something. It's true that any sane person wants to be challenged. Sure you enjoy breezing through everything in the beginning but after a while, you want to use your brain for something.

But I digress. I still remember Liv in her green tutu. I remember digging around my mum's wardrobe for green clothes for athletics day. I remember wearing a maxi skirt as a cape and being "leaf girl" while Sarah-Ann Hardacre wore stapled leaves to her shirt and she determined she was "tree woman" or something like that.

Superheroes became a theme for the years in the senior school in which I brought my ever-popular Hulk gloves. My brother's, really, but I use them more than he does (or ever will) at this point.

And I just spent about an hour researching costume sites trying to find an epic costume for this year because not only am I year 13 (hence, time to go all out for all school events) but---

wait for it...

I'M HOUSE CAPTAIN!

*FIREWORKS*

*explosions in the distance*

*sudden screaming*

*a baby wails*

*sirens approaching*

*screaming escalates*

See how everything just went full circle there?



So, onto our three things:

(before I start this actually I'm going to point out that I've found myself dangerously hovering along the edge of a cliff that overlooks a pit of negativity and shittiness -- and it's only 2nd week back -- so I'm glad this high has come right in time to swoop me from the precipice and back into the sunshine!)

1. the house captain thing

alrighty, so elaine gave faizah a call saying that faizah got service committee and she mentioned my name too but she didn't know what i got so izzy ran into the bio class (this was after school had just finished) and was like U GOT SERVICE LEADER and i was like omg wait what????? and obviously rather taken aback bcs i did not know where this had come from and didnt want to get my hopes up in case it was false information. I then went to library where i got a text from cherry saying a lot of things in caps lock and something along the lines of CONGRATS ON ELGIN HOUSE CAPTAIN!!! and i was like ?????????????? how do u know what is happening PLS EXPLIQUEZ SVP!!!! and apparently there was a meeting that our p6 teachers were supposed to tell us about (DIEGS!!!!!) at 3:20 in the staff room where they read out the committee/house leaders' roles. Hearing this rather reliable source of information that is when I started freaking out and celebrating and Cerys and Nadia were there and were freaking out with me and I think we freaked out some other students in the library but in a different "freak" to our freak....

I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS AND SO MUCH OF IB GOT LEADERSHIP ROLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I ENJOY CELEBRATING MY OWN ACCOMPLISHMENTS SO MUCH MORE IF I CAN CELEBRATE OTHERS' ACCOMPLISHMENTS AT THE SAME TIME LET US ALL SUCCEED TOGETHER!!!!!!

2. WIT

I had my meeting with Ms Moy after school (before cherry's text and after elaine's call where i was confused) and we had our discussion and she had very little to correct from my WIT essay and it was all just grammatical things involving preopositions and I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE I CAN BASICALLY FORGET ABOUT WIT FROM NOW ON OMG YES 20% OF ENG GRADE DONE AND DUSTED!!!! 

Also we discussed my surgery lol finally she acknowledges it. Speaking of which I ran into ms ballenden coming down the stairs and I waved and she waved and went really " :O :D " on me and was liek "IS THAT VICKY OH I THOUGHT IT WAS U " and i was like YAH but like i said hi to her yesterday so she obviosuly didnt recognize me there hahahaha and we had a chat about our holidays and my surgery as well. Raaya this segment was for u xoxo

3. Creepy Texts

I'm sure izzy wont mind me blogging about this since i have a very limited audience, but we were discussing her relationship w boyf at lunch and so we thought we'd try to creep him out and so she gave me his number and i've been sending texts a la the "u have now subscribed to cat facts" meme (if u havent seen it, GO AND CHECK IT OUT HERE: http://weknowmemes.com/2012/01/thank-you-for-signing-up-for-cat-facts/ )

But instead it's like "you have now subscribed to Daily Bigio updates" and then a sneaky-stalker-shot of Izzy from far away as she feigns doing work/being unaware of my camera. It is FAB i tell u. 

I have choir tmrw and it's nearly 1am and i'm going to DIE

pen paradise

9/01/2014

1. stationery shopping with mum lol

(I CANCELLED PLANS WITH CHERRY AND WINNIE TODAY BCS I WAS STRESSING ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF WORK I HAVE AT HOME AND HOW MY PARENTS WOULD KILL ME IF I WENT OUT AND I ENDED UP GOING OUT WITH MY MUM FOR 3 HOURS ANYWAY)

pro tip: if ur going stationery shopping, don't go to warehouse stationery ok?? go to whitcoulls instead, it's cheaper (i got 4 packs of bic pens - 10 pens in each pack I HAVE 40 PENS!!! they were two for $10 and at warehouse stationery they were one for $10 dafuq) and they have warwick brand stationery thank god... unless u actually like the shitty impact-brand books with their horrible cover design, tacky paper and uncomfortably strong line colouring on the pages...

also got eyebrows done (but the eyebrow technician wasnt as good as prev ones i'd had before at that place and made my brows look a bit sparse and oddly shaped) and also got toiletries/supplies for nerd camp ON SATURDAAAYYYYYYYYY YAAAAAAAAAAY

2. i got through skimming labelling important pages of 5 history books today!!! convinced my dad to be my assistant and scan everything for me bcs waiting, flipping, waiting again for THAT amount of pages to scan would probably bore me to tears

3. guys i really cant park omg im actually so so bad???? i finally got into a parking space adequately (ie straight) and celebrated with a "YAAAAAY WOOOOOOOOH" then immediately after, the lady parked next to us came and tapped on the window to ask if we could move our car further to the side bcs she couldnt get into her car since I parked so close. my mum found this very funny. :(

handmaid's cliffhanger of effin ambiguity

6/01/14

tbh who's even reading these posts anymore
they're like the least entertaining recounts of the least entertaining summer holiday ever

F U I WILL PERSIST

1. dinner was p good, i actually felt full for once. had a small piece of chicken breast and a piece of salmon both lightly grilled mmmmmmmm i can chew CELEBRATE!!! im popping blueberries like a socialite pops pills.

2. i finished reading the handmaid's tale last night at like, 4:30am (shhh this counts as today) and i didnt realise it was the last page (excl epilogue) and i flipped the page and it was finished and i INTERNALLY SCREAMED WITH ANGUISH SO LOUD IN MY MIND I NEARLY IMPLODED

3. drove to the library to pick up 1 book for history IA and also elegance of the hedgehog (shoutout zelf) and went to bunnings warehouse where my mum's idea of fun is roaming the aisles lol

the filipino wave (like the mexican wave but more embarrassing/hilarious)

5/01/2014

heeey sorry my blogposts have been so goddamn boring, trust me it is an accurate representation of my life currently...

1. however, today i actually went out!!!! and had a good time!!! and saw friends!!! and was social!!! are you proud of me :B i hung out with elaine, faizah, and meilin in newmarket, and although we planned to go to the domain, it was pissing down with rain (but once we got back home at 5pm it was suddenly blue skies and sunny). all we did was sit at a cafe (and then a foodcourt) and talk for 4 hours hahaha it was really great though!

2. at one point while we were in the food court in 277, we had a view of the passer-bys on the street down below and there was one guy who looked quite cute (except he was wearing trackpants and FROM A DISTANCE IT KINDA LOOKED LIKE HE WAS WEARING BLACK CROCS BUT I HOPE NOT) and was waiting for the bus and we were just jokingly checking him out for like, 15 minutes and then he saw us and ELAINE WAVED and i fucking pissed myself laughing and he acknowledged the wave with a head nod. and then after a while, he saw us looking at him again and ELAINE FUCKING WAVED AGAIN and then he started grinning and laughing like 'aw yis im da man' IT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER I SWEAR TO GOD?????????

3. this video (which is actually from yesterday but shhh)

 

a prejudiced PRNDL

4/01/2014

1. did half a DCP for chem lab today (aka everything up to the actual calculations fml) but i am glad i actually got some legit work done weeeeeee!!! very worried though because at this rate i dont think im going to finish all my work before camp :( but yay for today's slight productivity!!

2. i drove out to grocery shopping today and when we finished and were going home, for some reason the PRNDL wasn't moving and i was like wtff but it was stuck and my mum from the passenger seat tried to move it as well but it wouldn't budge and so she was like, let me drive, it'll work if i drive! and i was like UM U'VE TRIED ALREADY IN THE PASSENGER SEAT! it's not like u have a ~*~magic touch~*~ where if u sit in the drivers seat it'll suddenly start working again???

but nevertheless i moved out of the drivers seat and she started the engine again and

guess what happened

THE FUCKING PRNDL STARTED WORKING AGAIN

???????????????

3. i made pasta for lunch and was basically just like SOLID PROPER FOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

$2700 crack cookies

3.01.2014

I HAVE 3% BATTERY REMAINING LETS DO THIS

1. went to gen library (shhh yujie) to get history books for history internal. took a million years to find the section of the library to do with elizabeth I and then I realised i could easily look up the books on the computer in the library catalogue. Hurt my brain a little seeing so many books that may or may not be relevant with only 1 chapter or so in each book that actually related to my topic. Found so many books but had to cut them down to just 7 since I don't have enough arms to carry more than that nor do I have time to read more than that. This history internal is going to kill me. I'm hoping there's good material in those books....

2. while at library, I hung out with Angel, Cherry, and Joanna. It was nice seeing them around, despite the silent conditions (rules that we did not follow -- dw there was like, no one in the library). Jo and I got super hungry around 5pm and went to look for food except everything on campus was closed since it's holidays atm. SERIOUSLY, EVEN STARBUCKS WAS CLOSED!!! Eventually went to subway and jo got two cookies so she gave me one that I broke apart into small pieces so that I could softly chew on them lol. Jo thought the cookie platter thing cost $2700 and didn't realise there was a decimal in there and kinda just went "oh man that cookie platter is expensive... $2700?" and just went on ordering and i was like LOL JO NO. Also, the lady asked "which cookie do you want" and pointed to the cookie display that included only one type of cookie and it was like giving the perception of  a choice but there being absolutely no choice at all. It was really funny ok I was really hungry and tired and Jo was high as usual

3. this lorde interview http://rookiemag.com/2014/01/lorde-interview/

extra #4: found out what song we're singing for choir at Science Nerd camp!! White winter hymnal by fleet foxes!!!!!!! SO EXCITED omg!!!!! (even though I only know this song cuz of birdy)


I DID IT I WROTE THIS IN UNDER 5 MINUTES

brother sister let me serve u let me give my flask to u

2/01/2014

whoops i didnt do anything today

1. ate salmon for dinner and 3 chicken wings, yum, solid food
2. worked a little on WIT essay, cried internally over how broad my topic is and how likely it is that I will end up going over 1500 words and struggle to cut down
3. brother (very amusedly) asked if i took the whole bottle of johnnie walker to new years, and when i said yes, he eagerly offered me his flasks. I think he's enjoying playing a part in my corruption/descent into adulthood. GB.




ugh i need to write my NYE post (IT WAS REALLY FUN) except I'm lazy and it hurts my brain having to think back to what happened.

do u realise i never ended up finishing my ball post???????? :(

A Welcome to 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!! 

2013 has been an interesting year. I would say there have been many highs and lows and a lot of mediums as well. It's been a stressful year - in some aspects it's been a satisfying year, and for others it's been a regrettable year. I've enjoyed all my extracurriculars and I'm so happy I've gotten so involved with everything from debating to choir to habitat for humanity to dragon boating. In fact, I've realised that when it comes down to reflecting on your school life, as important as grades are, in the end they're just a number, or a mark, or an "endorsed with insert grade here". What really makes school interesting and worth it are the groups that you join, the sports that you play, the friends that you make. I've had lots of exciting new things happen to me and suffered through not only the gruelling recovery process of a life-changing jaw surgery but also the torturous stress of the IB. I've made great new friends, I've grown closer with so many people (thanks to IB lol), and I've freaked people out due to my infatuation with a certain older gentleman (WE'RE MOVING ON IN 2014, I SWEAR TO GOD).

In 2013 I was able to grow as a person a lot and flesh out my own moral compass and perspective on the world. A lot of this had to do with the people I surrounded myself with. I've had so many thought-provoking conversations and debates with friends over feminism/sexism, racism, the media, etc etc that I think have made me into a better person. I think school and it's emphasis on "service" and whatnot has really truly affected me a tonne in that it's one of those things I really want to do more of, and I've come to the realisation this year over how much the school has shaped me.

Good God that was cheesy, time to get to our yearly tradition: seeing how badly I failed at my resolutions! Note, I totally forgot what these resolutions even were.

• Don't look down upon anyone or have prejudices towards people.

I think this was something that was definitely really bothering me about myself towards the end of 2012, but it wasn't something I even thought about in 2013. I would hope that it's because I didn't do it as often but it may just be I wasn't aware, even if I did do it. I will say that in 2013 I (unintentionally) matured a lot and I would like to think I was friendlier to people at school in general even if they weren't someone I was particularly close with. I'm not sure how to reflect on this resolution considering I don't remember what specifically made me want to make it a resolution. Well, I hope I wasn't a snotty bitch to anyone (in my mind)???

• Learn to prioritise. Put school first.

Well, in the original blogpost, I specifically talked about prioritising school over tumblr, and I can say I've definitely done that, at least towards the end of 2013. Barely ever go on tumblr anymore and feel no need to get back into it. In terms of prioritising in general, have I told you the story of how my mum kept asking me how to pronounce "prioritise" one day in the supermarket? Yeah she asked me again two days ago, except she was asking so that she could tell my brother to prioritise real life over his league of legends shit. Anyway, I digress, I don't think I prioritised very well this year. A lot of the time I was lazy and chose to talk to people on facebook over sleep or over doing my homework that night. A lot of the time I fell into the youtube-videos abyss and a lot of the time I decided that my priorities lay in watching that new episode of insert tv show here. Yet towards the end of the year, around exam season I definitely did prioritise school and totally stopped watching all my shows, which I mean, yknw, it's okay, but I found other ways to waste my precious time anyway.

• Be willing to help others and go out of your way to help them.

You know what, even though I can't think of a specific instance I did this, I don't doubt that I did do it. That's not me being up myself, it's just in the context of how school has been this year and how close I've gotten with everyone in the IB cohort, it isn't unlikely I helped a brutha out. So, success?

• Arrive early at school every day.

YES, ONE I CAN PROBABLY DEFINITELY SAY I SUCCEEDED AT!!! I got zero, I repeat, ZERO "late because of traffic" late slips (i don't have a good memory, I may have had like, one) (however I was late to school a couple times in term 4 except teachers didn't bother sending me to get a late slip woohoo). I was really good in the first 3 terms of the year and would get to school at 8:15 and actually have time to talk to friends and whatever, but I began slipping after Big Sing I think and got into bad habits again. But overall, SUCCESS!!!!!!!

• Go to bed at 11pm-ish every night. Even on weekends. 

............. nope. maybe in the first term or something.

• All 7's in All Exams. Don't leave studying to the night before your exam.

Oh this is depressing. Did not get all 7s in all exams :'( This is actually really funny though because before I started IB I couldn't understand why getting 45 was so difficult, and a little part of me actually still thinks that if I put the effort in, I could get all 7s. But no, it didn't happen. And I definitely did leave the studying to the night before my exam. To be fair, I tried really hard, and term 4 was such a bitch and there was so much work every single night that even if I worked all evening and planned everything out, I still ran out of time to study anything. I guess I'll have to plan my study schedule for end of year exams this year from January onwards?

• Read books that will change your life and your views of the world.

Well, I read 1984. The books we study in class were pretty eye-opening. I've got a shitload of books out atm which will probably fuck with me for a long time.

• Exercise everyday for at least half an hour

Oh, past Vicky, you get me so bad.

• (one especially for the holidays) Get up before 11am four out of seven days a week

.... may...be...? Probably. I found 10am/11am to be the average time I would wake up in the holidays.

• Make the most out of 2013!

Fuck yeah I made the most of it!! I joined every extracurricular I wanted to join, I participated in every values project I wanted to be part of. I built a deck for habitat for humanity and (tried to) organise an Elgin build; I built and painted stone walls for stage challenged that humans fucking fit into and were one of the highlights of our show. I joined a dragonboating team that powered through as the underdogs and came in third and won my first medal for a sport. I was part of a debating team (the BEST debating team) that was a bloody semifinalist and only got knocked out by the winning team of the whole grade, and through that I gained so much confidence and had so much fun. I organised with Faizah a social netball team that always had missing players every week, but that eventually placed runner-up in its grade. I was a part of choir that placed silver at nationals but most importantly, I was a part of a choir where I made so many new friends and maintained so many of my old friendships. I applied to everything and got rejected by many, but it was worth it because I was accepted into a few. I got a PnF gold award that meant the world to me, and actually meant more to me than getting academic excellence because it was voted by my peers. I decided to completely switch subjects and drop something I hated (physics) for something that genuinely interests me (history) even despite the horrid essays and bullshit exams. I went to MUNA, and despite it being kinda shit, I made a good friend out of it. I went to Dunedin and I embarrassed myself a lot but I did everything knowing that I'd regret it more if I didn't (and embarrassing stories are always more fun to tell than "I wish I did this/that instead of missing my opportunity" stories) if ur not sure what I'm talking about, I'm referring to whEN I GRINDED AGAINST AND JAMMED WITH THE MAN WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED. I had a fantastic birthday where I felt so special and loved and I went to my first ball with my friends who I love and I had FUN. I FUCKING GOT A NEW FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, yeah, fuck yeah 2013. You weren't so bad after all.

Onto 2014:

• Prioritise your school work. Specifically, when you get home, don't go onto facebook, twitter, youtube, tumblr. No one's online during then anyway. Get all your work done first and see if you can get everything done before 7pm. After that, what you choose to do -- whether it be tv shows or studying -- is up to you. Organise your own freedom by eliminating guilt from that pressing notion in your head of "it's 9pm and I still haven't started any work". You'll thank me later.
• Get all 7s in exams. Get above 2200 in SATs. Fuck yeah you can do it.
• Prepare for exams at least two months before. In saying that, you still need "cram" sessions the night before because, well, they work. But prepare so that you actually feel confident when you enter that exam hall. You enjoy studying, you enjoy learning your curriculum, WHY DON'T YOU DO IT MORE OFTEN?
• Go to bed before 12am every night. It's good for your skin, it's good for your mind, it's good for your health, and it'll probably save you from hearing 30-or-so identical lectures from your mum.
• Arrive early at school. Aim for 0 late slips that are due to your sleeping-in this year.
• Start using the mornings. Study in the mornings, exercise, read, watch an episode of supernatural for all it matters. Having done something in the morning makes you feel that much better for the rest of the day. Why would you avoid doing something that makes you feel good?
• Get over the obsession with older men. This is kinda a joke resolution because you know that when Big Sing rolls around again in 2014 it's going to be a hormone-fuelled nightmare. MAYBE GET A BOYFRIEND INSTEAD, VICKY
• Read more books, especially ones that will change your life. 
• Meet new people, make more friends, keep the ones that make you happy and make you want to be a better person.
• Help out around the house more often. Mate, your parents are getting old, you should probably show more gratefulness towards them since they're the best friggin parents ever.
• Try to improve others' lives. This can be by charity work and doing service, or just by not being a dick to your friends.
• Understand that rejection isn't the end of the world. You're going to encounter many opportunities this year. Naturally, you're going to want to take advantage of those opportunities.You're going to be rejected by many of them, and that's okay. Don't let it get you down and don't take it personally. Don't let it stop you from applying to other things, joining other groups, meeting other people. 
• And as always, make the most of 2014!