mockingjay

i am having the most painful response to reading a book i have ever experienced.

the only other sobs (caused by reading) that could rival the ones i just produced would be when i read emancipation proclamation (twilight fanfiction) in the scene when edward leaves bella. that was pretty ugly.

but even so, those sobs were like, a momentary thing. i got over it.

from page 450 -- when buttercup and katniss reunited and katniss finally said "she's not coming back" and "shes dead!" -- to the last word of the 'acknowledgements' from the author, i was just full on non-stop sobbing. no, not crying. not a couple of tears. full on, body-racking, hysterical sobs. non stop fountain of tears.

and throughout all three books i could never decide if i shipped katniss/peeta more or katniss/gale, but then the ending was just so beautiful (and induced another super powerful round of tears) that i kinda hated gale for a bit and decided katniss/peeta was meant to be.

ugh i have so many feelings right now.

mockingjay was just miserable to read. i felt super depressed for most of the book, which is probably what caused the mass explosion of waterworks at the end. that doesn't mean mockingbird wasnt good - cuz it was very good.  .... it was just ... emotionally draining...?

like, it revoked a sense of 'there was no more hope in the world. kill yourself.'

yeah. that feeling.

just....



....everything fucking HURTS.







also, it was 4.45am when i got to the part where the tears started, so they had to be silent tears.



i'm still kinda deciding on what my opinion is on the ending to the series. i mean, it was never gonna be a happily ever after, and it's not like everything could go to plan. people had to die, shitstorms had to happen. i didnt very much like the whole katniss-is-pretty-much-coocookerazzy thing or the fact that i felt katniss was so alone without prim, her mum, her dad or gale.

but i understood why it had to happen.

it feels like reading the ending to this book has opened my eyes to the cruelties of the world and i kinda feel like giving up on humanity.



basically,

boggs death: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
finnicks death: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
prims death: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:




"you love me. real or not real?"
"real."

FOREVER CRYING. NO EMOTICON FOR THIS FEELING. I AM DEAD INSIDE.









i dont want to sleep.





[edit] last night, after writing this post, i was lying in bed and i realised that the whole story started with Katniss wanting to save Prim and volunteering as tribute instead of her, but in the end Katniss couldn't save Prim and she was killed. ;akjdf;skdfjslkdf everything hurts.



seriously if you havent read Hunger Games you really need to. NOW.



[edit#2] i just re-read this post and realised how pathetic i am now in the light of day hahahahaha. not deleting though cuz this post reflected my true reaction to finishing the series and i want to keep it.