Jordy Blue

When I think of you, I think of blue. A sad shade of blue, because I know you are sad. But sometimes people might mistake that sadness for calmness because people say blue is a calming colour. You are not at all calm. You are fiery-tempered and sensitive as shit, and when you get into 'those moods' I really don't know what to do but to just hug you and hope you get over it soon. It's awful for me to think of it that way, but if you could see it from my point of view, I'd rather you not hold a grudge against me for something that I didn't mean to do. But when you're happy, you light up the room, just like sunlight may light up a room painted in blue. You are warm, and funny, and outspoken, and even though sometimes you make me shake my head and irritate me to no end, you should know I love you. Whenever I'm being a bitch or taking shit too far, you tell me to stop it, and I'm grateful. Even though it usually hurts my feelings quite a bit, it is actually good for me because people usually just let me get away with anything and then probably just bitch about me behind my back, but thanks for telling me upfront about it - sans the bullshit. It would be nice if you just didn't take everything I did so seriously though. I never really mean to hurt you.

I've always wondered what goes on in that little head of yours.

Wipe away those tears Jordy Blue.

sometimes,

• I feel like 
• I have to 
• be loud 
• and funny 
• and silly 
• to fill the awkward silences.

another fucking weird dream

so, i fell asleep on the couch last night watching rugby. woke up in the middle of the night cuz i was cold and the lightts around me were all on and in my hand i had a bunch of $20 notes, which i knew were from my brother cuz i asked him to get them for me on his way back home. didnt go upstairs to my bed cuz i was too tired, so i fell asleep again and woke up this morning very sore and the twenty dollar notes in crevices of the sofa under me lolol

anyway, the dream was uber weird. I moved to a new house but the hallway of it, the outside of it and the address was my old crappy house that's in front of my current house. Even though the rest of the house was crappy, I had this really pretty, big, nice bedroom and it was colour coded with like, beige, pink and dark pink. and then, it had an ensuite that led to another bedroom, which was purple and black and belonged to meilin!! (like, wtf!?) cuz meilin was my sister or something. but her bedroom was like, really emo and stuff but still quite pretty. her room was basically the darker equilavent to my room. she didnt actually appear in my dream though.... ANYWAY. something else happened that i cant remember, but then someone knocked on the door, and it was this family of four (mother father son daughter) with a derpy mutated rottweiler dog, and the whole family were really derpy and scary looking at the same time. and then the dog came through the fly door and squeezed his head through the lattice holes and like, climbed through into the house and i was like WTF DUDE U CANT JUST LET YO DOG CLIMB INTO SOMEONE ELSES PROPERTY WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!? and then they asked if they could come in to get the dog and i was like, no, and opened the door and handed their dog back to them. but the door had like, three doors and some of them opened outwards and some of them opened inwards and i got a bit confused with closing them again, then, when i DID close them, i forgot to lock them, so then the dad of the family just came into the house and i was like NO U CANT DO THAT and then i found out he was a burgular and he was all like "i'm going to steal everything in your house now" and i was like, well shit, so i ran away upstairs (and suddenly my old house became like my new house) and I ran to the balcony and like, jumped down into the lawn below me (i always have dreams where I have to escape my house by jumping off from various parts of my first floor! it's usually out my bedroom window into my neighbours driveway though...)

Here comes the weird bit. when i jumped out into the lawn, I realised I had my camera, and I jumped over the fence and saw the car that belonged to the family parked outside with the mother, son and daughter in it, so I started taking photos of the car but i realised it was on 'video' so I just did this like, circuit videoing around the car and they were all looking at me so I got their faces on tape and I videoed the car number plate. then i took the camera off video and started taking pics of their faces and the number plate, and the whole time they were just looking at me in shock.

and then i woke up.

it was weird though because I felt like the number plate was something important and it was a strange number plate because it was shorter than the normal ones. it was like, 5 numbers/letters? and i remember there was a 7 and a Q in it. argh, i feel like I shouldve remembered it or something.





in other news, i'm pretty sure me and adam levine are soul mates.

AND AAHHH WHO SAW THE VAMPIRE DIARIES EPISODE!??!

spoilers and such

oh btw, I watched the new vampire diaries! (my dad renewed the internet!)

it.
was.
fucking.
epic.

I've seen it twice now :) here are my reactions.

0:00
PREVIOUSLY ON THE VAMPIRE DIARIES OMG OMG OMG
1:46
phew don't let him in, good girl
1:51
uh oh, jk, bitch you're screwed.
3:29
HOLY SHIT STEFAN HAS GONE BAAAD. that screaming is very loud woah.
6:12
FUCK YES NAKED DAMON IN BUBBLE BATH
6:49
DAMMIT STRATEGICALLY PLACED OBJECTS BLOCKING IAN'S BITS.
7:01
LOOOOOOOOOOOOL NEKKID WET DAMON. elena, its okay, your boyfriends outta town. look if you wanna, we wouldn't blame you.
9:11
HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT THAT NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.
9:21
HOLY FUCK OMG!!!! FUCKING HELL
13:39
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW that's really really gross. 'ripper' stefan. literally. ripper.
14:26
DONT SAY IT WAS A GOODBYE KISS. FFUUUUU ELENA.
15:13
holy crap forwood is hilarious. I SHIP THEM SO MUCH IT HURTS. god caroline. he's horny, you're horny, PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.
18:44
DELENA DELENA DELENA DELENA
19:19
DELENA DELENA DELENA DELENAAAAA
19:24
sigh. my poor shippers heart.
20:01
wait- hold up! isn't everyone here underage?!?! UNDERAGE DRINKING - THE CW SUPPORTS IT.
20:34
WTF NO JEREMY. STEP AWAY FROM THE DRUGS. NO FFS. CW supports weed too ...
22:01
lol k cool alaric, just 'chaperone' and ignore all the drinking going on around you. oooookay....
23:52
HOLY SHIT STEFAN U FREAKY MOTHERFUCKER.
24:16
SHE TRUSTED YOU!!!! SHE WAS YOUR FRIIEEENDDD!!!! *harry potter reference*
24:38
dayum michael trevino. unf
27:21
buuusteeedddd
28:00
looool
28:40
"HELLO BROTHER" look who's the new damon! even stealing his lines.
29:26
OH NO.
29:48
AW SHIIIT.
29:58
STEFAN HOW COULD YOU GODDAMMIT.
30:38
FUCK SCARED THE BEJEESUS OUTTA ME
31:08
MOTHERFUCK STOP SNEAKING UP ON THE GUY.
31:56
YEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FORWOODDD!!!!!!!!! /SO HAPPY
32:39
srsly elena he's having a bad night give the guy a break.
33:46
elena dont cry :'(
36:28
omg my creys
37:01
wtf alaric dont leave that's so stupid
37:30
OH HEEY THERE HOW YOU DOIN ;)
37:48
woah. reow.
37:57
unf
38:16
omg nooooo :( /heart breaks
38:20
that'd be fun to film
38:25
LOL, NO, NOT THE GUITAR. phewf.
39:02
omg, STEFAN? STEFAN WAS THERE?
39:08
TEARS. TEARS ARE COMING.
39:25
omg. OMG. OMG ELENA PICK UP.
39:29
HIS FACE. I CANTTTTT....
39:35
PICK UP PICK UP PICK UP
39:42
OMG MY CREYS TEARS FUCKING TEARS OMG
39:48
SOBBING. FUCKING BAWLING OMG SOBBING OMG
39:58
STEFAN OMG FUCK TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE OMG
40:05
WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH OMG MY CREEYYSS STELENA STELENA STELENA. everyone shipped stelena there just for a second.
40:21
... uh? tap and gap....?
40:46
ooh shit busted
40:53
well, this is extremely awkward.
41:03
OMG.
41:04
OMG OMG FUCK OMG WTF OMG WTFFFFFFUCK!?
41:08
YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH OMG WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
41:10
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
41:14
FADE TO BLACK- THE VAMPIRE DIARIES. FUCK NO.


tldr whatever.

Crazy.

If I had to use one word
to sum up my life now,
that's what it would be.

Insane,

pure and simple. Here
I try to do the right thing,
attempt to be one of the

heroes.

What does it get me?
A life tossed into turmoil,
any pretense of stability
shattered. It takes

super-

human strength to get
through the day when
evening might bring pain

or

worse, love, only to have
that love stolen away.
I hold on tight to my heart,

otherwise

it might get broken into
tiny little pieces. Taking
a chance on that would
mean you definitely

have to be crazy.

- Fallout, Ellen Hopkins, pg195

NOT DIRTY, JUST CREATIVE :)

i wasn't sure whether or not to post this but since it's not actually dodgy or anything i might as well cuz i find it kinda cool. IM SERIOUS, IT WASNT DODGY.

continue reading so you don't start to judge me haha

so, last night I had a WEEIIRD dream. like i woke up and was like, uhhh?

basically i was at this big house at a party i think, and there was this random stranger whos face i couldn't see and basically I just gave him a ...blowjob? NOW WAIT BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME AND GO "WTF?" it wasn't like, sexual or like anything like that AT ALL! it WASNT a wet dream or something it was kinda just like, blasé/nonchalant. AND THE THING IS, WHEN HE WHIPPED IT OUT IT WAS A REALLY LONG STICK, not like, a penis or anything. like, just a metal pole about 3cm in diameter and half a metre long!!!

and IM SERIOUS, it wasnt like, yknw, sexual. it was really... mechanical? idk. DONT JUDGE ME I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. ANYWAY, i looked up the meaning and this is what i found and it is actually kinda cool.

To dream that you are giving oral sex signifies your willingness to give joy. It is symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirms that you are headed in the right direction in life.

FUCK YEAH!


might also be because someone in my class yesterday said in P.E 'drug education' class: "she got into a taxi but didn't have enough money so she had to give the taxi driver a BJ...." in reply to a question asked by the teacher: "how did jane end up from the party to the floor?".

you should've seen the teacher's face.





oh yeah speaking of dreams, two nights ago I had a dream with Adam Levine in it WOOP WOOP! once again - NOT A DIRTY DREAM. Yknw Lim Supermarket in mt albert? Yeah, I was there and I was like, with friends and we were doing weed or something in a car in the carpark (yeahidk...) and then I saw Adam Levine with a big marching band and he was at the back, and I was all like, "ohmygod! can i get your autograph?" and he was like "um no, I have to go sing with the marching band obviously" and i was totally gutted. But then after a while, an announcer thing said that Adam Levine and Avril Lavigne (probably together cuz their names sound familiar) were doing autograph signings in the supermarket building, and there was a big table with pamphlets at the entry that we had to take and I took one and ran in to meet Adam. I was all like "OMG I LOVE YOU YOU'RE SO AWESOME I LOVE YOUR BAND AND ALL OF YOUR SONGS" and he was like "oh yeah which is ur favourite song?" and then took my pamphlet and flipped it to the back where it said "top 5 maroon 5 songs" where I had left it blank because I was in a hurry to met him and didnt bother with filling out the pamphlet, and he gave me this disappointed look and I was like, well shit. I then asked to take a photo with him and he was like, okay, so I gave me camera to Maria and she took the photo at this really weird angle and crouched down and to the side so that the photo only had the underside of my face and only half of adams face. I got all pissed at her and was like "MARIA WTF YOU CANT EVEN SEE ADAM'S FACE IN HERE!" and she was like "I did it to try to make you look pretty!" and i was like -_____-"

life sucks and then you die

I don't even know what to do with myself right now.
[and i realise i'm overreacting soooo much right now but this is just so... UGHHH]

my internet is capped. that's okay, i can deal with that, it's algds. THAT IS, UNTIL, I REALISE THAT CAPPED INTERNET = INABILITY TO LOAD VIDEOS

AND YOU KNOW WHAT VIDEO I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO LOAD SINCE FUCKING MAY ?! SEASON 3 EPISODE 1 OF VAMPIRE DIARIES. SINCE MOTHERFUCKING MAY. THAT'S FOUR MONTHS.


AND MY INTERNET IS FUCKING CAPPED.


WHICH MEANS I WONT BE ABLE TO WATCH IT ON FRIDAY.


I HAVE LITERALLY 
BEEN C O U N T I N G 
THE DAYS TO FRIDAY 
THE FIFTEENTH OF SEPTEMBER.
LOOKING FORWARD
TO WATCHING 
THIS 
CUNTFUCKING 
EPISODE
AND
I
AM
MOTHERSHITTING
CAPPED.




i'm pathetic. i actually broke down and started tearing up a bit. IT'S JUST THE FACT THAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOR FOUR MONTHS AND NOW ITS GONE..

IT'S ALL GONE.

inhale
exhale
inhale
exhale
inhale
exhale

i can always go to someone's house to watch it.
right?

OKAY PEOPLE, TIME TO SHOW ME IF YOU'RE REAL FRIENDS OR NOT.
DONATE YOUR HOUSES AND INTERNET FOR AN HOUR ?