Finished packing, ready to go!!!! I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP IT'S 11PM ALREADY BUT I'M WIDE AWAKE HOW IS THIS HAPPENING I AM FARING OFF 4 HOURS SLEEP ATM
Today:
Pretty amusing trying to pack and having an existential crisis deciding between three jumpers. Friend from St Kents (Darryn) said: "bring one that'll catch lachie's attention" and Mei said "anything that can help you seduce lachy" so i think we have a common theme running here... My mum was getting hilariously impatient "GODDAMMIT VICKY JUST CHOOSE THE WARMER ONE " "but it doesn't go with any of my outfitsssssssss!!!!"
Did my Pecha Kucha presentation in TOK today and people laughed at my slides which was good. It got to the slide with Meilin and I could see her reaction of pure horror and everyone was laughing so much that I couldn't even get through my sentence because I couldn't stop myself from laughing as well IT KILLED ME
Pretty interesting discussion today at morning tea/free period with Meilin about the pitfalls of the fashion industry and the modelling image and what not. I feel as if debating this year has really improved my ability to convey my ideas more coherently in conversations! YAY
GOODBYE FRIENDS, SEE YOU IN 5 DAYS! (i know, what will you all do now that you don't have your daily source of morning entertainment!)
1. Choir Concert with St Kents and Dio
I'm just.... I'm sorry. I really am.
But.
LACHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*weeps tears of inferiority and admiration*
We had our choir concert today and okay first thing that happened was Ms Giles came into our warm up room and was like "are you ready? Lachie and his choir are having a bit of a party outside the hall" and I had the sudden overwhelming need to collapse ugh. And then we went into the hall and HE WAS STANDING THERE IN ALL HIS GLORY AT THE ENTRANCE and I wanted to throw up omfg
Okay so there was this moment of panic where I made eye contact with him and in my head it was basically like "OH SHIT. OH SHIT HE KNOWS. HE'S READ MY BLOG. HE KNOWS I'VE BEEN STALKING HIM. OH NO OH CHRIST"
I've basically perfected the art of staring at someone without them noticing you. I'm not sure when this is going to be useful in my life but I'm sure it'll come in handy sooner or later.
HE'S JUST REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND HE HAS PERFECT JAW-ENHANCING STUBBLE AND HE'S STUPID AND I WANT TO PUNCH HIS STUPID FACE OH MY GOD
At the start of every programme, the choir directors had to do a little introduction of the pieces and he recited the english translation of the song lyrics which was basically him reciting poetry and I felt faint. DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO HOLD IN A SHIT EATING GRIN FOR 2 HOURS OH MY GODDDDDDD. I think there were multiple points during the night where I had to bite my cheeks and think about exams or some other depressing shit to fucking GET A HOLD OF MYSELF. I also think I hyperventilated at least once. All in good fun....
I think I'm scaring you (reader) with all this obsessing I'm really sorry you should know that I don't take myself seriously and that there is no need to worry about my sanity and iM PRETTY SURE IF I GOT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND THIS WOULD ALL BE OVER LIKE /THAT/.
It's a wonder why I'm single -______-
Oh I saw Kelly and Sarah H from dio and Darryn and I was pretty socially awkward with all of them haha. Kelly was trying to wave at me from where she was sitting and this was during Lachie's introduction of his pieces so obviously I was focusing my full attention on him and Eliza had to tap me like, 6 times and point in the direction of Kelly before I actually saw her! And I ran into Sarah when the concert ended and it was awkward because she was walking out and leaving and so was I and I had a brief conversation with her about how fucking talented she is and I didn't really have much else to say so I didn't want to have to walk with her to my car (as lovely as she is, I was avoiding social awkwardness) so I had to turn back and go into the hall. FML. Oh, and I saw Darryn while I was trying to look for Kelly at the end, and so I was really caught off guard and it was a bit awkward and I felt pretty bad about it cuz I seemed like a social incompetent. He's such a cutie patootie (in a platonic way) when he sings in choir omfg it's actually the best thing!!! HE IS CONSTANTLY GRINNING SO HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ENJOYING HIMSELF SO MUCH and I think I know now why I was able to remember him and recognize him at MUNA. WHO EVEN SMILES THAT MUCH OMG i should start doing that too tbh.
Speaking of Darryn, in the car I texted him about how I was 110% in love with his choir director and how I expected him to be my wingman and somehow introduce me to Lachie while we're in Dunedin and he agreed but I don't think he realises that I'M FULLY FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!!
Wow, from making eye contact to possibly even introducing myself within a week THINGS ARE MOVING SO FAST, ALMOST AT AN EXPONENTIAL RATE. WHO KNOWS MAYBE BY NEXT MONTH I'LL BE MRS CRAIG WE'LL SEE
2. I finished my TOK Pecha Kucha presentation but didn't really take it seriously so these kind of slides happened:
I was laughing a lot while doing this can u tell???
3. Tswift the critic
it got me so bad omfg i am the same taylor, i am the same.
and speaking of taylor:
POOR BRUNO MARS, U LITTLE MUNCHKIN
oh ps I probably won't find time to post tomorrow (I'm sleeping really late today so that I'll be sufficiently tired for tomorrow that I'll want to go to bed at 9 and thus have a full 8 hours sleep for my 6:30am check in for DUNEDIN!!!!!!!!)
No, i'm not blogging while I'm at dunedin. Maybe a quick update off my phone if I end up making eye contact with Lachie or something, but otherwise, not gonna bother!
I'm in the process of writing my ball post!!! IT'S GETTING THERE I SWEAR! Here is the link to my 17/08/2013 post (saturday after ball, quarterfinals debate)
Today was rather shit for reasons I won't get into. Happier points:
1. I started watching Suits. I have seen 3 episodes. I'm rather angry at myself for subjecting myself to this fab show because I know I'm going to have to keep watching now. Sueyeon's ecstatic that I have given in, ha. EVERYONE ON THE SHOW IS SO WITTY AND SMART, AND AS MEILIN WOULD SAY IT "GOALS".
2. It got weird when I was making breakfast (lunch) and I started talking to myself like I was in a cooking show. To be honest, it was a pretty entertaining cooking show that I momentarily hosted. At least, to me, anyway.
3. I DID A LITTLE FB DROP IN FOR LACHIE AND FOUND OUT THAT HE'S LOOKING FOR A NEW ROOMMATE AND I HAVE NEVER FELT SO CREEPY IN MY LIFE.
yellow highlights are things that made me go "ur a dork and i love u"
red underlines are all the evidence I have piece together to map out where he lives.
dont judge me.
"Lachie! Lachie! Where art thou Lachie?!" - a modern day tragic romance between an above-awesome girl and an older, really hot man.
I hate myself but I also think I'm hilarious so life is very difficult because I CONTINUE TO DO THESE SORTS OF THINGS.
Also, tomorrow is the choir concert so I'll try to gather the courage to ask him to have my babies.
Boy, I'm really putting off my homework and catching up with all my other blog posts arent I? This isn't a three things post, this is just something that I feel like I should say.
Sometimes when I'm doing my three things posts, and it's been a rather shit day or something not-so-great has happened, I'll mention it briefly in the post. Sometimes I don't even mention it at all. Since I've been doing this project, I haven't written one fully negative blog post, not once. And often I feel like I'm censoring myself or cheating myself by not acknowledging the shit parts of my life, which to be fair, aren't very that much of a pressing matter for me either way. It feels like I'm lying to myself and I'm lying to you, the handful of readers who actually keep up with my daily ramblings. But I definitely feel tempted to write separate blog posts where I can just rant, as if it'll be therapeutic - as if I'll feel better about the situation because I was "able to get it off my chest".
Truth is, what I've realised today (after my very long and very emotional rant on twitter) is that my venting usually makes me feel even shittier about what happened. Actually, I knew this a long time before but usually ignored this thought and would rant about it anyway. I get all riled up typing about something, or talking about it, when usually if I just don't think about it I can forget it quite easily.
I also feel as if by writing it down and focusing on it, I've immortalized it. When I write about the positive things of my day, I've immortalized those as well. By writing about happy events I remember them better. That's why I'm pretty pissed off at myself for STILL not writing about the ball, because the reason I wanted to blog about it was so that I could get those things solidified into my memory.
If writing about the things that upset you in life helps you, is therapeutic for you, clears your head, then good. Do it. If you feel that if you don't talk about them, you're bottling those negative emotions up, then yes, write about them, let them out. But if you're like me, and realise that you actually feel WORSE after venting, then stop yourself next time. It's better to forgive (others, or sometimes yourself), forget (but learn from your mistakes), and move on.
covered in moss and daisies.
They blanket me and so I rise
against hard arms of gnarled roots.
Safe in my bed
under white covers in which
I hide and close my eyes but
no darkness is granted.
Because the sunlight still streams --
still sings, and sighs contently
onto where I lie
in the dirt of the earth.
In the dirt of the earth I dine
eating the patches of green.
With my friends in the wilderness
here to keep me warm and brave.
My friends, they dance
around the open flames. Flickering,
fade.
Here our ghosts feed on smoke,
yes, charred remains on burnt tongues
tasting the hollows filled with grey
in the dirt of the earth.
In the dirt of the earth I sleep
breathing deep into the snoring sun.
Not even the whispers of beetles
can wake my claying skin.
In the dirt of the earth I dreamt of days
where the dirt of the earth
did not stain my face
but washed away the ash
that painted my cheeks
not red, not green, not white,
but grey.
In the dirt of the earth I rest
my bones, but the winds of spring cry life
as though my heart could still warm to the home
that I found, not in dirt of the earth
but the dirt of this ground.
1. Had debating semifinals today. Unfortunately we didn't win, but I'm surprisingly okay with it! I'm really happy with getting into semifinals and I think getting into finals would be way too nerve-wracking anyway. It was fun though. The moot was "this house would not give organs to non-organ donors" and we were affirming so it was a bitch of a motion. Much of their case was about the principle of freedom of choice and the way that some people can't donate organs if their religion or beliefs go against it, and that the model would be discriminating against all those people because it would be forcing them to disregard their beliefs. It was sorta difficult to argue against freedom of choice and the only way we could really say anything in response to it was that they had the choice to put their beliefs in front of their decision to possibly need an organ in the future to save their lives, and they could choose to put their life before those beliefs instead. So yeah, difficult.
Before the adjudication, we shook hands with the Glendowie team, and ended up talking with them for a bit which was nice. Jade and Izzy (who are in our team and came to watch) came down from the audience to join us.
Apparently when I was doing my speech, I sauntered up to the podium in what Jade and Izzy called a "swag walk", tossed my notes to the side, and started my speech by looking down and dramatically looking up. See, I'm conscious of what I'm doing but it feels natural to me because it feels like a performance and all the "swag" stuff is just me trying to hype myself up and make sure my confidence overpowers my nervousness. It was pretty amusing looking over to where Jade and Izzy were sitting and seeing them pissing themselves laughing over my presentation -- Nadia and Cerys are already quite used to my dramatics haha. I kind of love it when I reject the point of informations with a "NO" and I can hear people laughing. I know that there isn't any maliciousness behind the laughter, so there aren't any hard feelings. I guess I just enjoy entertaining people and hearing them laugh. The podium was really low, on a table, so I had to do this awkward lean thing on it in order to read my notes, which made me look super chill and "idgaf"ish like the bad ass motherfucker I am.
Other points: Nadia couldn't pronounce "organ donor" and she said "oh-gan dor-nor" about seven times and she'd try to correct herself and at one point it was like "ohgan dornor, ugh sorry, OHGAN DORNOR... OHGAN DORNOR.. LET ME TRY AGAIN, OHGA-- ORGAN DONOR." and i was trying so hard not to laugh but my god it was brilliant.
This guy on the other team was someone Izzy knew because he was Jewish, and in his speech, he dropped, -- what Izzy calls -- "THE J-BOMB" by saying that he could personally relate to the motion due to his religious beliefs. And Izzy apparently had the most facepalm-smh reaction ever when he said that hahaha.
2. As Izzy and I were getting a ride back to her house by Mrs Palmer, we saw this group of teens in city while waiting for a red light, and we were just staring at them and making fun of their fashion choices (maroon ribbed socks with maroon shorts, really?) and then as we were staring, one of the boys turned around and saw Izzy staring and basically had this face of amused what the fuckness where his eyes bulged out and omfg it was the funniest thing because she realised that she knew the guy and he recognized her and as we drove away his face just remained in that position and he kept staring at us hahahaa
3. At Izzy's she made me the most heavenly icecream sundae with cashew salted caramel ice cream and chocolate fudge or something covered in berry sauce and frozen berries and blueberries and with a piece of waffle and it was DIVINE. Also, I ate all her beef jerky. Sorry. I hadn't ever tasted beef jerky before! That shit's good. Oh and we did work for TOK Pecha Kucha of course. Raaya was supposed to also be there but we stayed at debating for too long and Raaya had been waiting at Izzy's house for half an hour and had to leave because there were places to go, people to see, etc.
Today had a few shitty parts in it (I failed my maths test-- no seriously, failed.), but as I told Ruby today, it's always great to focus on the good things of your day rather than the bad!!
1. I wrote a poem! It's called "In the dirt of the earth" and I might post it on blogspot in a couple days once the initial pride of actually creating something wears off and I get a less biased perspective on it to see if it's shit or not lol. Kinda hesitant about actually posting it anywhere because there's a lot of assonance in it, which is only effective when it's read out loud and with emphasis on the right words... Also, do you think it would be weird if I just gave it to my english teacher and was like "yo could u help a brada out thx"???
there is a bit in the poem where I needed to mention a bug so I thought "hmm beetles?" and just for fun I searched up the symbolism of beetles and:
"The ancient Egyptians saw how these beetles lived and emerged from dry ground and used this as a metaphor for the entombing and resurrection of their mummies. In this way the beetle became the Egyptian symbol for rebirth, the ability to be reborn."
and I was like OMFGGG!!!!!!!!! Because that part of my poem where I mention it is actually talking about death (it sounds morbid but the whole poem is about the transitions of birth to death) and in the next line I talk about clay skin and clay skin is like dry ground that beetles lived and emerged from and I just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH UNINTENTIONAL AWESOME MOTIFS
2. I had no homework tonight, thus the sudden impulse to write a poem. I was actually supposed to do SAT prac and write my ball blog post but alas....
3. In free period, Cerys, Cathee and I chilled in the couch seating area of the library and Cerys and I just did French by reading through it together and it was so much less intimidating than what we do in class and it made me feel better about french lol. I think we should do it more often tbh!
Extra: in addition to writing the poem, I also spent like, an hour lost on Cracked.com and I read this article that profoundly affected me and SHH JUST READ IT (you probably already have considering it's nearly a year old)
Let's say that the person you love the most has just been shot. He or she is lying in the street, bleeding and screaming. A guy rushes up and says, "Step aside." He looks over your loved one's bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife -- he's going to operate right there in the street. You ask, "Are you a doctor?" The guy says, "No." You say, "But you know what you're doing, right? You're an old Army medic, or ..." At this point the guy becomes annoyed. He tells you that he is a nice guy, he is honest, he is always on time. He tells you that he is a great son to his mother and has a rich life full of fulfilling hobbies, and he boasts that he never uses foul language. Confused, you say, "How does any of that fucking matter when my (wife/husband/best friend/parent) is lying here bleeding! I need somebody who knows how to operate on bullet wounds! Can you do that or not?!?" Now the man becomes agitated -- why are you being shallow and selfish? Do you not care about any of his other good qualities? Didn't you just hear him say that he always remembers his girlfriend's birthday? In light of all of the good things he does, does it really matter if he knows how to perform surgery? In that panicked moment, you will take your bloody hands and shake him by the shoulders, screaming, "Yes, I'm saying that none of that other shit matters, because in this specific situation, I just need somebody who can stop the bleeding, you crazy fucking asshole."
