Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?I have always believed that the ultimate way to think critically and to develop one's individual perspectives in life is through the constant questioning of the world around us. Hence, the act of challenging the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority is something I regard to be not only an act of courage, but also an act that encourages personal growth and development.
In George Orwell's 'Nineteen Eighty-Four', the protagonist Wilfred Owen finds himself questioning the society he lives in. The totalitarian government - led by the omnipresent 'Big Brother' - watches every movement and every interaction. Owen sees the decietful nature of the government and secretly wishes to rebel and bring the party down. On the other hand, his colleagues at the Ministry of Truth do not outwardly demonstrate any resistance to the party's actions. In fact, they obey the party and Big Brother without question and believe everything the Party says. Orwell enables the reader to view these 'loyal' citizens with incredulity for their blind faith and their ability to delude themselves, as shown by their willingness to accept changes in who Oceania is at war with - Eurasia or Eastasia. In comparison, Owen's ability to think critically of the party is a characteristic we as a reader admire and learn from. It is better to question the world around us than to follow blindly like sheep.
From my personal experience, I have learnt a similar lesson through my 'Theory of Knowledge' curriculum in school. In this class we are encouraged to question how we come to know things, and why knowledge should be believed in the first place. This is relevant because often in a learning environment, students are merely sponges, absorbing information needed for tests and examinations but never wondering if this information is truly accurate. Students obey their teachers - people holding a position of authority - and anyone who challenges the content they are learning is often deemed troublesome. Luckily, I do not have to face this close-mindedness. In fact, through my critical thinking, I have found that my learning experiences have been more fulfilling and my enjoyment in classes has increased exponentially.
People who are brave enough to question the ideas and decisions of people in authority are often punished for their criticisms. However, ultimately this ability to think for ourselves instead of blindly following what we are told is what enriches our lives and encourages our personal growth.
Give me a mark out of 6 and leave it in the comments/text me/snapchat me/fb me. I only posted this up here because I need some grading, and if you're super great, some constructive criticism.
Don't read the next bit until you've decided on a mark because what I may say might skew your initial marking decision!
Okay, so first of all, this was the second SAT essay I've ever done - the first being the one I did in class last year in June(ish). Legit, second one EVER. I haven't even done practice essays between now and then... So please excuse how terrible this is. I did this essay yesterday and not only is it real bad quality, it also went overtime by about 10 minutes. I haven't made any adjustments to the essay and just typed it out directly as it was like on the paper.
Personally I feel as if I veered off the topic a bit by the second paragraph since I started talking about questioning knowledge instead of questioning authority. Also I barely knew what I was saying in the 1984 paragraph which is why it went on for sooooo long. While I was typing it out, I noticed that my sentences go on for LINES, which is ridiculous, and I really need to utilise the goddamn FULL STOP more often. I also had some weird phrases and incorrect spelling, sigh.
I'd give it a 4/5 out of 6. Your language is fine, but I've found that CollegeBoard REALLY likes it when you change up the sentence lengths. Would love if you could extrapolate more and think about the consequences when people don't question authority. You're right about the second body para, felt like you were going a little off topic. Esp. considering you had to say "this is relevant" which indicates to me that you're trying to convince me that this is a relevant point - would work if you were more specific as to how questioning your teachers actually helps you (or both of you) aside from making you enjoy classes more.
ReplyDeleteIntro: good, has clear thesis. To improve, have a more punchy intro. But you know that already and I understand it's hard to come up with a super catchy wow intro under 25 mins stress. Great expression, worded really nicely.
ReplyDeletePara 1: great example, well expressed. The sentence "Orwell enables the reader..." is a tad long. Don't go over 3 clauses per sentence. That sentence I _think_ had 4? They were long clauses, individually. Vocab double tick, give me your vocab creys, going good.
Para 2: great example again, good explanation (Y) I think the word "face" in "Luckily I don't have to face this close-mindedness" was not the most appropriate word here. It felt more like you had to confront other people with close-mindedness. Then again, it could just be my weird interpretation (of like everything derp) (but yea I was really confused by that sentence and thus the following 2 sentences).
In the last sentence, I don't know whether you should explain >how critical thinking has made you enjoy your classes more<. Part of me is going; hm, what does she mean by "enjoyment in class has increased exponentially," she should have explained that bit, HOW?; while the other part of me is going, hm, if she explained it, she might be dragging out the paragraph too much.
Conclusion: Good wrap up of your viewpoint. Same note as with intro.
Overall, I think you should have explained further /how/ "challenging the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority is something I regard to be not only an act of courage, but also an act that encourages personal growth and development."
I felt the examples were more descriptive than supportive to your thesis.
From what I understand, the 1984 example was used to show how challenging the ideas and decisions of authority is an act of courage, although you didn't really go into that. The TOK example was used to show how challenging...etc. helps one to grow and develop as a person. That wasn't explained clearly either.
You had a freaking lovely style, and I may be biased because I agree with your viewpoint, so I'll give it at least a 5/6. Part of me is going oooh maybe a 4.5, but once again, BIAS.
Next time: Dude you write so well whhhhh- do the words just come out of your head?? Anyway, since you've got style and expression sussed, all you gotta do is stick to the thesis and keep reminding yourself to support it, so you'll get your 6 pretty quickly. *clapclapclapclapclap*
v good. :) i really like it. good job. if its a normal opinioned response it's very entertaining. although i really like the george orwell paragraph idk it feels a tad too narrated and long.
ReplyDelete