Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine, and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, and tedious labor. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not know where, when, or even whether this know-how should be used.
Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?If "knowledge is power" then the same could be said that "ignorance is bliss". But who wants to be labelled as "ignorant"? Knowledge is imperative for the development of society. It is the way we come to understand the world and ourselves. However, knowledge can be misused and can result in dire consequences. Knowledge is indeed powerful, and so humanity must be cautious of the way we use our knowledge.
The bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of World War 2 proves that sometimes knowledge carries enormous burdens. In this case, the invention of the atomic bomb resulted in millions dead. The extent of the decimation caused by the bombs rendered the world to stop and reconsider the boundaries needed to be set in regards to weapons of mass destruction. Scientific knowledge was used to create these weapons, and though the same scientific knowledge can be attributed to amazing discoveries in sustainability and modern medicine, the way this knowledge was used in World War 2 was hugely negative.
On the other hand, our pursuit for knowledge is the only way we can move forward. The events of the Japanese bombing led to an increase of awareness on weapons of mass destruction. From it, the world was able to move forward and ensure that the horrific spectacle would not be repeated. It is true that with our capacity for knowledge, we often do not know what possible consequences they entail. However with these new discoveries, we uncover more ways to improve ourselves and grow as a community.
Knowledge can be a burden when it is misused, and we may never truly understand the ways our discoveries could cause harm in the future. Yet the benefits of knowledge and its ability to allow us to grow ultimately outweighs its disadvantages.
Leave a grade/comments! :)
Apart from a couple of excusable sentence structure errors (the Writing section is making me stupidly aware of these things) I think this one went pretty alright? I tried to make my introduction a bit more 'punchier' as instructed. I spent more time planning at the beginning and sorted out my ideas which (I hope/think) made my paragraphs a bit more supportive of my thesis rather than descriptive (thanks Cherry!). I used the same example (Nuclear Weapons) for both paragraphs but used it to provide two contrasting perspectives, so hopefully that excuses the fact that I used the same example?
Overall I think this one is an improvement when compared to my previous two. Not sure HOW much it's improved though. That's... up to you to decide???
To be honest, I don't really get this essay question. I think the SAT guys are trying to make us think about the ways knowledge is misused rather than being a "burden." They could also be saying how knowing about the terrible things that happen in the world makes us less happy, and thus knowledge becomes a burden. But the latter doesn't correlate with the prompt. The former interpretation seems to be how you interpreted the prompt as well, so I'll try to critique this essay from that perspective. But once again, still confused by the essay question.
ReplyDelete"Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?" Wot? I, just, wot?
Introduction: nice beginning! It drew me in much more. But I can't really find a clear thesis.
From what I understand of your intro, knowledge is beneficial because it leads to development, but it is also a burden because we must be constantly aware of how we use it. So I guess you're taking a balanced stance on this?
Paragraph 1: Example clearly shows how our scientific knowledge lead to destruction. Make more use of the handy dandy fullstop :) the last 2 sentences run on for a bit. In fact, they make up for the majority of the paragraph! Lolol dw I used to do that a lot as well. It's just being aware of it, I guess, and that will come with practice.
Paragraph 2: The >"pursuit" of knowledge< didn't really tie in with >society learning "from" the experience< of the bombing. If you were trying to make a comparison between pursuit of knowledge and ignorance/or simply not knowing, then the example wouldn't have been particularly relevant to it. I am confused by this paragraph. You do make good points about the capacity of knowledge and growth as human beings and communities. More explanation on those would have been good.
Conclusion: The thesis!!! I see it now! Good, but put it in your intro. And I think there should be more explanation as to why the benefits of knowledge outweigh its disadvantages.
I didn't feel very confident in giving you a critique for this because, like I said, I didn't really understand this essay q and prompt and I'm finding difficulty in getting my head around the topic, so take what I say lightly.
The biggest let down in this essay is that you didn't clearly express your thesis in the introduction. Therefore, when you came around to your body paragraphs everything felt like they were floating around until the conclusion when the thesis came in and tied everything down. MUCH better use of examples, though! You got straight to the point. Good use of a different perspective, but I do feel it would have been better to use an example where people were deliberately looking for knowledge and answers to problems will lead to benefits, as opposed to just changing one's perspective. If you get what I mean? I know you were providing two contrasting perspectives :)
Had you put the conclusion thesis bit in your intro, I think that would have defined your essay more and given it more coherence.
I would give this essay another 4/6. Your second essay was a higher 4 than this one, I feel.
Another important thing, Vicky: Go harass someone else to critique this as well, they will have a different POV to me. When I hand in essays that I feel better about, I get crap mark, and when I hand in one I hate, I get good mark. It might just be that I have a different expectation of things, and maybe the things I am criticising you on aren't as important as other things that other people will pick up. Je ne sais pas.
omg every time I scrolled up to look back at your essay, I see your DP and hot dayum Vicky that is a good DP.
ReplyDeleteYour intro definitely compelled me more, but I don't feel like "ignorance is bliss" has much to do with this. It's not really the antithesis of "knowledge is power"
ReplyDeleteCherry's comment on the pursuit of knowledge I agree with
Might have chosen a different situation than the atomic bomb - I've heard it being done a lot in regards to knowledge. NSA? GCSB bill?
End of second body para was a lil wishywashy?? felt like it was too similar to your concl.
Idk if this would have been a better approach to take, but perhaps talk about the counter argument for knowledge being a burden that most people hold this burden lightly and use their knowledge for good???