it's quarter to 2am on a school night and idk why i feel the need to do this but i really do think i need to write a blogspot today just to make my thoughts sink in.
so, results from exams have been given out and let's cut to the chase - i'm not happy about them lol. i'll still do my three positives of today, but i think that it's as important to reflect on one's failings as it is to celebrate one's successes, ya feel?
basically, i fucked up these exams by not studying. i really did screw myself over with that one, especially because it showed in my results. i know how you can feel cheated if you get bad marks after studying really hard, but when you cram for only 4 hours the night before (maths) or at the most for 12 hours the day before (bio) then you have no right to complain about your shitty scores.
and i'm not complaining - i'm reflecting ;D
the thing is, i - much like many others - have fallen into a pattern of doing well in exams without studying much. i studied less for these exams than i did for my mid years, and much less than for my lvl1s last year. i think i needed these results to hit me hard in order to make an impact.
ok but let's be real, for average standards my results aren't terrible. in fact i'm probably at the median right now holistically, and sure some of you will say that i'm stupid for being upset with that but whatever ok try to understand the fact that i am used to being near the top of the class so this kinda sucks for me. im p sure i made a similar comment in my mid years results blog post hahaha.
but the purpose of this post, i think, is to really make sure that i know that i need to get my shit together. i'm not upset about my results because i have no right to be and i was actually expecting a lot worse (fours) so that's why you didnt see me crying around school (i told myself that if i could make it through today without crying it would be a good day hahaha) (then again i've never really been one to publicly cry about my school marks except for that one time this year where i NEARLY did over a stupid ungraded french vocab test hahahaha dumb francais) but i dont think i can be happy about most of them. i think i can be okay and not depressed or obsessed, but simultaneously not satisfied -- u feel? i think that's healthy and i think as long as i dont replace that "i'm okay with this for the time being and am not going to freak out or drive myself crazy by making myself feel like i'm worthless/a failure (which is never healthy)" attitude with a sense of complacency then it's alg
3 bright rays of sunshine:
1. TOP OF TEH CLASS 4 ENGLISH (OH SHIT)
ok i just??????????????? wat?????????????? whattttttttt????????????????? yeah remember what i said about how important it is to reflect on the shit u did bad just like it's important to celebrate ur successes well HERE IS I CELEBRATING WOW??? MUCH CELEBRATION???? SUCH HAPPY??? VERY RESULTS WOW????? (im goign to read this post in 2 years time and hvae no idea why i was talking so weird, ok no i didnt have a stroke future!vicky, pls remember DOGE) ok so ms moy was discussing how english teachers rank the papers and i was sitting there like ah well that's depressing i dont want to be compared with everyone else in the class especially as there are such ridic amazing ppl in our class since it just emphasizes how much i didnt deserve the eng prize last year and ive actually been feeling really shitty in english this year and like im not doing very good in my prev-best subject?? so i think i really needed this boost??? i got a 19 out of 20 for the paper 1 which was what they ranked and ms moy said that i had the best understanding of the text in the class and i was like IS DIS REAL LIFE but trying to keep cool and not make an ass of myself (which is kinda what i am doing on this blog post atm but whatevs SAFE PLACE) but yeah mm im pretty stoked aye. not sure i deserve it lol but i'm not going to ruin a good thing with a negative attitude towards myself so YAY ENGLISH SUCCESSES!!!!!!!
also, this was really good because it was the first thing i told my parents when they asked about results and it cast a positive light on all my other shittier marks because they were just like "oh that's not bad, WOW VICKY U R SO AMAZING" and i was like hehe m a n i p u l a t i o n
2. ib closeness
i know one of the negs of ib is that you get cut off from the rest of the year level but at the same time you also get so close with the 30 people in your ib cohort and it's so lovely because we're just like one big very loud family who supports each other in breakdowns and panic attacks and see each other everyday in so many classes. in most of my classes in the years before, i never felt that sort of camaraderie, in fact most of the time i didn't feel comfortable in lots of my classes because i just never talked to half of the people in the class ever because we ran in different circles and sat on opposite sides of the class. i think art was the class where this was the least prominent due to the chill nature of the subject and the constant interaction with random people around the room, but everything else - english, maths (year 12s and yr11s in the class), bio, chem/phys, french - i never really got to know lots of people in the class. on the other hand, with IB, there's always some form of interaction with everyone and it's just so NICE.
today's morning tea was extended due to the teachers having a thing, so lots of us just gathered in our french class and hung out (i can't say we "chilled" in the room because the atmosphere of that room wasn't "chill" it was "HYPER", so we ... hypered?). and then at lunch a portion of us sat out in the sun and whatnot. we're trying to organise an ib dinner + catching fire for friday night since exams are over, and i hope it actually happens hahaha i need it desperately
3. jades bday
couldn't do anything special for jade since she's still on exams and we have school atm, but i made a 10 page mock-powerpoint presentation thing (u know those ones on tumblr) but i fell asleep and had a long ass 4 hour nap which meant i posted it at like, 11:30pm with only 30 minutes left of her bday ugh i suck hahaha. also im regretting using up all my ammo of bad photos (for izzys bday as well) bcs NOW I HAVE NOTHING FOR 18THS NEXT YEAR UGH
here are a few of my fave slides
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